New guy- Is he a player?

[KatarinaDe]

Hi everyone, I started dating this guy about 3 months ago and I think he might be a player. I have a lot of anxiety in our relationship although I have had bad experiences with men before. So it is hard to tell whether it is trust issues or if he is making me anxious because he is a player.

I would be very much interested in your opinions. Thank you all in advance!

These are the things that made me doubt his intentions:

• he has a female bff, theve known each toher for 25 years, there is no history. when asked why there are not together he said he didnt know and when i insisted he later said that he is not attracted to her although he thinks shes pretty, that they dont get along for long periods of time, that she has friends he doesnt like, she is single. when they went on a trip last year they slept in one bed together. didnt seem strange to him.
• he has another „friend“ who is a girl he used ot be interedted in, there are still in touch occasionally, he said he is no longer interested but doesnt want to cut contact. when she messaged him on new years eve he responded very warmly, offered to meet and gave a lot of compliments. we were already together at that time. he tells me he never felt to her what he feels towards me, he thinks shes not funny. he has liked everythink on her instagram. we got into fights about this because i wanted him to cut contact and he didnt want to,, saying it would be mean to her. later we agreed on slowly fading. she is probably single
• he followed some pretty women he doesnt know on instagram, lets say 20 accounts, liking sporadically their selfies. he unfollowed after i asked.
• on our first phone call he mentioned that his Ig algorhytm shows him onlyfans models
• he says he doesnt know whether he was using tinder after we agreed we are officialy together, he deleted it few days later
• he has some female friends he doesnt see that much, some lesbians, some taken,
• he doesnt share his phone he thinks it is private
• when he was on a hockey game, there was kisscam that zoomed him and anther woman, he kissed her on a cheek, thought it was a funny story
• he is in contact with both exes, he is not in contact with any other women he used to date
• he used to date a lot after his break up, 7 short „relationships“ in 3 years

So guys, I am insecure or is he a player? Or anything else? :D Thank you so much for reading this and your input! :)

Thank you! :)

This! Thank you for this. He was always mentioning women even when they were not in any way important to the story. I figured he might be a bit insecure so he is trying to show off. And it never stopped. I really feel like there are men who need lot of women and womens attention to sustain healthy self-esteem. I dont like these guys either.

Hi and thank you. I also thought this would maybe end once we were in a relationship but he told me he didnt anticipate any changes to his life in these areas. So...

But in the case of your guy he hasn't fallen love yet and he hasn't matured.

“He was always mentioning women even when they were not in any way important to the story.” Ha ha, yes, like the character from the Inbetweeners who was always pretending to know lots of women! Very young, very obvious, very boring. The good men I’ve dated rarely mentioned other women unless they were a significant part of his friendship group (who I’d meet) or a family member. Context is everything - can that story he’s telling hold up without the woman he’s dropped into it? If not, he’s just a flexing man child! And to the comments on here that you have trust issues, who on earth wants to date someone who can’t shut up about other women, it’s deeply unattractive. And unless he’s introducing you to these women, he’s a complete knob.