Your son (and many boys now unfortunately) have been convinced online by incels that their lives are so hard as men. But in reality it’s quite far from the truth and the reason they struggle is different to what they think. e.g the stuggle is that it is harder for boys to avoid brainwashing and feeling shit when they’re constantly told they have to ‘man up’ by the same men that claim to have an online presence to help them and ‘lift’ them up.
Your son needs to understand that people like Andrew Tate are frauds and are spewing BS because of their personal brand. That’s how they make money - they’re not normal or respectable people that we should be looking up to. It’s their job to get sound bites and they are exploiting young men into thinking they need to constantly ‘improve’ (ofc improvement is a normal human behaviour but to obsess over it causes mental health issues). And teaching them stupid theories like redpill blackpill which is nonsense.
Your son probably needs to be taught about feminism. But because it sounds like he is so far gone, I would approach it in a way that’s gentler. Otherwise he is going to have a negative view on women and be an incel forever.
The thing is men can only be taught about feminism and respecting women slowly and organically - by introducing feminist conversation and media to them when they are young so that they have a base of understanding. At this point it feels like he will just laugh and argue about how feminism is harming men and is redundant. But it is because of feminism that you - his mum can be an engineer today and he should be proud of that. I think you have time to teach this to your younger son.
Just because he was bullied at school by horrible children who probably came from bad homes doesn’t mean that it should define him. Perhaps tell him the reasons kids bully - it’s because they probably saw that he was smart and were jealous. Maybe they knew he came from a home where both parents work and it struck a cord in them. Maybe kids just need to talk it up on at school and pick a target. But going forward, he can own his narrative and reject the way he’s been treated. He can be a better man for his own sake and get a girlfriend - he doesn’t need to prove a scoreboard of conquests to anyone. If he can be a decent guy and respect women and get a girl to actually love him for him - it would start to heal the wounds of school ground bullying.
You could tell them that the hallmarks of a good man is making their girlfriend feel good about themselves. Satisfying her needs - commmiting to love and understanding. Sure he can go to the gym and the ladies will love it but what matters is inside. Sure he could attract a woman that fancies him - he could change his hair and his face and voice but he would resent the fact that a woman only gave him a chance after he changed himself. Confidence comes from respecting yourself and others.
Looks really don’t matter - he needs to understand this. Sure as a teenager it’s all that matters but when grown men are obsessed with how they look it’s a bit weird. Why is he listening to grown adults on the Internet who tell teenage boys they need to improve the way they look. That’s just weird and no respectable ‘TRUE’ gentlemen would waste their life on ridiculous matters. We’re all just skin and bone. He needs perspective.
If he thinks it’s hard for men nowadays, why is he arguing with his father? So many men without a male role model would die to even have a father that’s present and a mother who even hears them out like you!