Miserable but we love each other

[Lifeistestingme]

Has anyone else been in the situation with your DP where you both love each other a lot but you're also miserable? We argue so much recently, about anything and everything. It's got to the point where it's hard for us to go a day without a full on argument. It's not healthy, but even when we seem to try really hard not to argue, we still do. We can't agree on most things, it's hard for us to ever compromise without one of us being unhappy and bitter. I'm just tired of it. Part of me wonders if I should call it quits but the other part of me is extremely attached to him and I love him a lot. But it can't carry on and nothing we try works.. it's got to the point I'm planning on not talking much the next few days just to avoid a potential argument. Any advice? Anyone been in this situation?

Anyone? 😭

There's no point really if you're not happy. We have someone in our life to enhance that life, and it's making your life worse, not better. There will be someone out there who's right for you. You've just got to find him.

Have you had couples counselling?
If you have tried everything and you are still unhappy maybe it is time to let go.
Loving someone is not a reason to stay in an unhealthy relationship

I have been there and stepped back and little and let it blow over because it always did. Going through it now tbh butting heads for absolutely no reason.

Is it a case of life circumstances making you both tired and stressed and taking it out on each other? Or is this typical? How long have you been together?

Any big changes lately ?
Any built up resentment, anger, unresolved issues?
Love is an action not a feeling.
What love actions do you need and give ?

I think you can really love someone but that doesn’t mean you are meant to be in a relationship together if you aren’t compatible

Agree. Sometimes, you just have to accept that you're not compatible. I couldn't live with arguing every day however much I loved someone. It’s not healthy for either of your mental health. You deserve to be happy and so does your DP. It’s better to part now than way down the line when it will be even more painful for both of you.

I also think the only way is a relationship therapist. It’s very easy when together for a long time to get into an unhealthy communication dynamic. Perhaps a trained professional can help you unpick this. It’s good to do this before it gets worse, as it will get worse if you do nothing.

Pay as much as you can for someone who is very well qualified eg chartered clinical psychologist, and choose them carefully. I would recommend face to face. Make this your priority.

If for any reason your DP won’t go, then do solo therapy.

While you are waiting to see somebody, read up on best communication habits in healthy relationships.

That's why its so hard because he has always felt like "my person" I can't imagine myself with anyone else. But obviously this can't continue like this

We can't afford couples counselling tbh

We have a 1 year old, that's quite challenging. I started a new job 6 months ago and we have less quality time together now. There is some financial stress, lack of sleep for DP.. it just feels like there is a lot of resentment between both us sometimes but i don't know how to fix it

Can you afford to take some time apart for a bit? Even just go on separate holidays. See how it goes?

We've been together nearly 8 years and have a child together so it would always be extremely painful 😭 I just don't want to lose everything we have, I want it to go back to how it used to be but I'm not sure how

No, we have a lot of money issues :(

I can only work part time for childcare and health reasons, my DP works full time.. we get by, but we don't have much money for other things. It's not ideal, I'm hoping to change jobs soon for something more suitable

How did you step back? As in, did you have some space away from each other or just distance yourself a little?

A very long time ago I was lucky enough to get couples counselling on the NHS - I got a referral after counselling for another issue. It’s worth at least asking your GP about.

If you’re otherwise committed to a relationship, I can only recommend trying counselling as there are solid techniques and tools for improving communication, understanding others’ perspective, managing emotions, etc.

All of this comes with the caveat that this advice goes out of the window if what is actually going on is abuse. Please do consider what is happening here.

Are you having a fight or a disagreement? It's normal not to agree on everything.

Just try to be respectful when not agreeing with each other.

1 year old, new job & not enough sleep sounds really stressful.

Maybe try a counsellor?

I can handle disagreements but this is full on arguments. It's on both sides, tbh, so it's not like one of us is worse than the other. I've noticed it's been like this since having a baby but has got worse the last 6 months maybe. I want to make it better. But honestly i think I'm one more argument away from calling it quits, so i might see if we can go the next few days without having one..