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Original poster

What would you do ??

69 replies

Lifeiswild · 18/02/2025 19:59

Hey, to whoever is reading this so my mind has been going back-and-forth in confusion about my next steps so hear this out I have two little kids five and nearly 2 with one man me and this man had a fun toxic relationship before the kids so I basically ‘accidentally’ got pregnant before the kids he actually had another woman and he chose another woman over me he but then after having my first child we got back together tried to make things work and then had the second child whilst carrying the second child he actually cheated on me and we did go through a lot of issues to the point I was so ready to be done with this relationship so in overall, I’ve not been that happy with him in this relationship. However, my child’s father has now changed and has been showing more characteristics of the kind of man that I would like because I have ended the relationship so he’s been realising that I am not playing and he’s showing me a lot of love and ‘seriousness’. Now here’s the plot twist I also have deeep deep feelings for someone else who is the perfect match for me and honestly is seriously my true love. We actually knew each other before I met my child’s father or before being pregnant the first time, my true love has always been in love with me since knowing me but we just never was able to communicate well enough to make our situation work but it’s always been respectful happiness deep intimacy and real love so right now I’m in a place where I don’t know who to go with because my true love is pursuing me and wants to be with me and so does my child’s father my child’s father has shown some change but I don’t know if this change will last what would you do if you was me bearing in mind I do have love for my child’s father, but I’m not in love with him and I do love my true love with all
my heart

OP posts:
Channellingsophistication · 18/02/2025 20:05

The obvious, sensible thing to do would be to not be with any of these men. Focus your energy on yourself and your children and building a good stable life for them.

KhakiOrca · 18/02/2025 20:06

Don't rush in to anything with either of them.

BooomShakeTheRoom · 18/02/2025 20:11

I’m not sure you can know someone is a “true love” without ever dating them. You may think he is but you really have no idea.

I agree with the others, it sounds like you and your kids would be better off having a period of time to be in on your own and gain independence. Don’t bounce to the rebound when you have kids.

Original poster
Lifeiswild · 18/02/2025 20:20

Thank you.

Yes the option of not continuing anything with both men has played on my mind a lot so I think that will be the best.

My ‘true love’ i have dated we dated before I had my 2nd child but like I said due to communication issues we parted ways and I started a relationship with my child’s father because I felt it was the best option for my son at the time and I had a lot of pressure from many others to go down the family route. When I started things again with my child’s father my ‘true love’ did try to get back with me again but I just felt that it was I guess safer and more sensible to be with my child’s father but I just can’t move on from my ‘true love’ for some reason and now that we are in contact again it’s been very beautiful and I guess we have both matured so we communicate very well now. Sigh

OP posts:
Beastiesandthebeauty · 18/02/2025 22:49

Neither of them work on you and your children. If he was your true love there would be no questions needed, what you WANT is a family unit you won't get that following these patterns. Be single and know yourself.

category12 · 18/02/2025 22:55

If he's your "true love", he will still be around in a year when you've sorted your life out.

crankytoes · 19/02/2025 16:19

If man 2 is your true love and has always loved you then why are you already not with him? Something has stopped you

Original poster
Lifeiswild · 19/02/2025 21:52

crankytoes · 19/02/2025 16:19

If man 2 is your true love and has always loved you then why are you already not with him? Something has stopped you

a little complicated but when he first pursued me in all honesty I wasn’t that interested I was young and clueless. Around that time I met my child’s father and I felt more of a connection with him at the time this didn’t last as I found out my child’s father was dating me and someone else at the same time. As soon I found out about him dating someone else I got pregnant unexpectedly around 1 week after. So for that first year of my child’s life me and my sons father was not together just coparenting during this time the 2nd man came again and pursued me for the 2nd time we dated for a while and this is when I fell for him I wanted to settle down with him then but we was having communication issues and I just ended things with him abruptly rather than being patient. My child’s father started being around me more and as we were parenting together I then decided that because this is my child’s father let me try and make this work. When I decided this the 2nd man tried to pursue me again but I turned him down again unfortunately and thought it was best to be with my child’s father. So I continued my relationship with my child’s father had my daughter but during me being pregnant my child’s father has done many things that I am just not okay with. Me and The 2nd guy only recently just rekindled but we’re dating/courting right now because we actually have not taken it to 3rd base because one I am still living with my child’s father but he’s only just moved out and I want that situation to end before I start with someone else. It’s all a mess but yeah I woild
say my approach and mindset has been the reason we haven’t settled down together yet

OP posts:
smithey855 · 19/02/2025 22:03

Huh?

so,

You current partner cheated on his ex with you
you had a ‘fun toxic relationship’
you tricked him into getting pregnant
you have ‘deep intimacy’ with someone else
you are not in love with your partner
you do love this other man who you were having an emotional affair with and now it’s physical.

if you’ve already broken up with the children’s dad, I dot. Really see what the issue is?

personally, you seem both as bad as each other and I doubt a relationship would work in any case but you might as well give it a shot. But I’d recommend not tricking the new guy into having a child with you….

IDespairOfTheHumanRace · 19/02/2025 22:07

I would suggest that you return to school, after the half term holiday, and take some extra curricular tuition in basic biology, sex education, English language and citizenship

Pinkxmas1997 · 19/02/2025 22:23

it is a complicated situation obviously, and your kids do need to come first. However if you love this man like you say you do..then I wouldn’t shut it down. It will take time to sort your life out and get your ducks in a row, and if he loves you then he will wait a while. I hope this works out for you!! I love my partner so much and he brings so much joy to my life (he is the father of my baby, not that it matters) and everyone should get to enjoy that when they find it❤️

Original poster
Lifeiswild · 19/02/2025 22:23

smithey855 · 19/02/2025 22:03

Huh?

so,

You current partner cheated on his ex with you
you had a ‘fun toxic relationship’
you tricked him into getting pregnant
you have ‘deep intimacy’ with someone else
you are not in love with your partner
you do love this other man who you were having an emotional affair with and now it’s physical.

if you’ve already broken up with the children’s dad, I dot. Really see what the issue is?

personally, you seem both as bad as each other and I doubt a relationship would work in any case but you might as well give it a shot. But I’d recommend not tricking the new guy into having a child with you….

i didn’t trick anyone into anything ?? Lol wth. The reason why I say fun toxic relationship because it started as a good fun relationship we were young at the time but it turnt toxic once I found out my child’s father was cheating.
no one got tricked or will be tricked into anything so no need to go there. No one is perfect especially when they are young but this is the timeline of what happened in the past. I now have my child’s father trying to make it work and the 2nd guy wanting to make it work but I wanted to hear different opinions on this situation because I either have to pick one or pick none that’s all

OP posts:
Pinkxmas1997 · 19/02/2025 22:27

Everyone is being so mean wth

Original poster
Lifeiswild · 19/02/2025 22:29

Pinkxmas1997 · 19/02/2025 22:23

it is a complicated situation obviously, and your kids do need to come first. However if you love this man like you say you do..then I wouldn’t shut it down. It will take time to sort your life out and get your ducks in a row, and if he loves you then he will wait a while. I hope this works out for you!! I love my partner so much and he brings so much joy to my life (he is the father of my baby, not that it matters) and everyone should get to enjoy that when they find it❤️

Thank you, yeah it’s best that I just relax and not rush into anything. I do feel that same way of pure happiness and joy when it comes to the 2nd guy so I will just take baby steps. I had/have a lot of guilt when it comes to my kids and child’s father and basically breaking up our family but he crossed the boundaries a few times now and can be very disrespectful at times I’m the complete opposite so yeah

OP posts:
Pinkxmas1997 · 19/02/2025 22:32

Lifeiswild · 19/02/2025 22:29

Thank you, yeah it’s best that I just relax and not rush into anything. I do feel that same way of pure happiness and joy when it comes to the 2nd guy so I will just take baby steps. I had/have a lot of guilt when it comes to my kids and child’s father and basically breaking up our family but he crossed the boundaries a few times now and can be very disrespectful at times I’m the complete opposite so yeah

Show quote history

you shouldn’t feel guilty, an unhappy home is not what’s best for your kids!! It’s also not what’s best for you❤️ good luck with everything!!

Original poster
Lifeiswild · 19/02/2025 22:33

Pinkxmas1997 · 19/02/2025 22:27

Everyone is being so mean wth

I know but it’ doesn’t matter I have a happy life i have a successful priceless career my kids are the most beautiful happy little people ever. I was raised by a single mum no siblings so I am not strong when it comes to relationships and people but I am working on it and just have this situation to sort out.
Also I love that your children’s father makes you so happy that’s a priceless beautiful feeling wishing you all the best xx

OP posts:
smithey855 · 19/02/2025 22:34

Lifeiswild · 19/02/2025 22:23

i didn’t trick anyone into anything ?? Lol wth. The reason why I say fun toxic relationship because it started as a good fun relationship we were young at the time but it turnt toxic once I found out my child’s father was cheating.
no one got tricked or will be tricked into anything so no need to go there. No one is perfect especially when they are young but this is the timeline of what happened in the past. I now have my child’s father trying to make it work and the 2nd guy wanting to make it work but I wanted to hear different opinions on this situation because I either have to pick one or pick none that’s all

Show quote history

You said you ‘accidentally’ got pregnant.

FYI, assuming you weren’t aware, but something in inverted commas generally means true but not true.

i’m a ‘vegetarian’ but I eat seafood….

apologies if I got it wrong, but the situation still seems very strange!

category12 · 19/02/2025 22:35

Pinkxmas1997 · 19/02/2025 22:27

Everyone is being so mean wth

Tends to happen when someone is basically cheating on their partner.

It's also rarely a great idea to jump from one dysfunctional relationship straight into another.

Pinkxmas1997 · 19/02/2025 22:38

I was also brought up by a single mum who hasn’t found her guy yet but she’s only 50 so plenty time yet🥰 good for you!! That’s great to hear x

Original poster
Lifeiswild · 19/02/2025 22:40

smithey855 · 19/02/2025 22:34

You said you ‘accidentally’ got pregnant.

FYI, assuming you weren’t aware, but something in inverted commas generally means true but not true.

i’m a ‘vegetarian’ but I eat seafood….

apologies if I got it wrong, but the situation still seems very strange!

Show quote history

Accidentally meaning it weren’t planned I took precautions to not get pregnant but that didn’t prevent anything. But the issue isn’t the past I was just trying to explain the story of my relationship with both men

OP posts:
Pinkxmas1997 · 19/02/2025 22:43

she has mentioned that her partner also cheated on, her while she was pregnant (most vulnerable time of your life). Yeah it’s not great, but none of us are perfect? That situation would have crushed me

Pinkxmas1997 · 19/02/2025 22:43

Pinkxmas1997 · 19/02/2025 22:43

she has mentioned that her partner also cheated on, her while she was pregnant (most vulnerable time of your life). Yeah it’s not great, but none of us are perfect? That situation would have crushed me

@category12

Original poster
Lifeiswild · 19/02/2025 22:45

category12 · 19/02/2025 22:35

Tends to happen when someone is basically cheating on their partner.

It's also rarely a great idea to jump from one dysfunctional relationship straight into another.

Show quote history

So before I started dating the 2nd man again me and my child’s father broke up but till this day he is still trying to fight for our family so if you want to judge and call that cheating then it is what it is but I was pregnant and cheated on and I’m in a position now of putting myself first and pursing someone else that I am getting to know or continuing with my child’s father for the sake of our kids

OP posts:
Original poster
Lifeiswild · 19/02/2025 22:47

Pinkxmas1997 · 19/02/2025 22:38

I was also brought up by a single mum who hasn’t found her guy yet but she’s only 50 so plenty time yet🥰 good for you!! That’s great to hear x

Awww same as my mum but yes have to stay positive!

OP posts:
Devianinc · 19/02/2025 22:48

I really confused as to why you don’t use birth control. Get your life together and don’t think about other men until you’re in a stable home life situation. Your children need you and I think leave the men out of the equation until they graduate college. Then you’ll be free to choose who ever you want. Your children should always come first.