What would you do ??

[Lifeiswild]

Hey, to whoever is reading this so my mind has been going back-and-forth in confusion about my next steps so hear this out I have two little kids five and nearly 2 with one man me and this man had a fun toxic relationship before the kids so I basically ‘accidentally’ got pregnant before the kids he actually had another woman and he chose another woman over me he but then after having my first child we got back together tried to make things work and then had the second child whilst carrying the second child he actually cheated on me and we did go through a lot of issues to the point I was so ready to be done with this relationship so in overall, I’ve not been that happy with him in this relationship. However, my child’s father has now changed and has been showing more characteristics of the kind of man that I would like because I have ended the relationship so he’s been realising that I am not playing and he’s showing me a lot of love and ‘seriousness’. Now here’s the plot twist I also have deeep deep feelings for someone else who is the perfect match for me and honestly is seriously my true love. We actually knew each other before I met my child’s father or before being pregnant the first time, my true love has always been in love with me since knowing me but we just never was able to communicate well enough to make our situation work but it’s always been respectful happiness deep intimacy and real love so right now I’m in a place where I don’t know who to go with because my true love is pursuing me and wants to be with me and so does my child’s father my child’s father has shown some change but I don’t know if this change will last what would you do if you was me bearing in mind I do have love for my child’s father, but I’m not in love with him and I do love my true love with all
my heart

The problem is you did it twice. You need to live your life without a man in your children’s life that’s not their father.

yes this, and your chidlren do not need you to have a third

Look the only thing I asked for advice for was to do with my relationship status. Just because I am a mum does not mean i am going to be 100% perfect or I can’t have feelings anymore or not allowed to experience love. Yes the best thing is for me to focus on my children right now and not entertain both men. I have ended it with my child’s father, my true love isn’t going anywhere but time will tell for us but I still am prioritising my kids because I always do and always have done. My kids don’t go without they are happy I never asked about what I should do for my kids they are more than happy so cut that out. I will say this for the last time I ACCIDENTALLY GOT PREGNANT WHEN I WAS YOUNG WITH MY FIRST CHILD BECAUSE IT WAS NOT PLANNED SO IT WAS AN ACCIDENT I DO NOT WANT TO REFER TO MY 1st PREGNANCY AS A MISTAKE BECAUSE MY SON IS MY GREATEST BLESSING SO THIS IS WHY I SAID ACCIDENTALLY AND THIS HAPPENS MILLIONS OF PEOPLE GO THROUGH THIS I DID NOT TRICKED ANYONE AND I UNDERSTAND WHY YOU WEIRD PEOPLE ARE MAKING THINGS UP. MY SECOND CHILD WAS PLANNED ME AND MY CHILDS FATHER WERE IN A RELATIONSHIP 3 YEARS DURING THE 2ND YEAR WE DECIDED WE WANT ANOTHER CHILD HE WANTED TO GO FOR IT AND I DID TO. THE RELATIONSHIP SIDE OF US JUST IS NOT WORKING SO PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE AND STOP SPEAKING ON MY PAST WITH MY KIDS

Who said anything about having another child ? I don’t understand. Why are you mentioning this ?

Who told you I told him I was on birth control, I don’t understand because I wasn’t on it at the time of getting pregnant so who told you that I told him that seriously making up rubbish here

So you were using condoms and they failed?

I’m not here to discuss my pregnancy this was over 6 years ago and I’ve done all the healing that needs to be done in regards to that so please respectfully and in a nice way mind your business in regards to my pregnancy

You are asking advice about which man to choose (neither)

And in addition, whether you like it or not, you will get advised about avoiding future pregnancies until you have a very stable relationship

I should be asked if I want more children then and then the advice should follow because I never said I want anymore children

A simple - yes we WERE using condoms but they failed would stop people suggesting you did it deliberately. You refusing to answer is pretty telling. It doesn't really matter to anyone posting on this thread, but you're making it people's business by posting.

If you're not open to questions or comments - don't post asking people's opinions.

How do you find the energy?

Focus on your career and children the right man may or may not come along but right now these should be your routes to happiness and freedom not men.

People have given me their opinion and advice to what I asked and I am grateful for that. The opinions and comments should be left there because if you look further up in the thread I said thank you everyone I appreciate your advice. I’m going to focus on my kids. That’s it. I am open to questions and comments but what I am not going to engage in is false accusations judgement and off topic conversation. Because now you guys are implying I am someone that I am not and that’s wrong.

Yes op people are pointing out the obvious to you which is the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. No man or other person brings you happiness or fulfilment. Stop looking for us to tell you which one to chose as we can't. Don't go for either.
Do you work? Focus on that..

Thank you,
I don’t go out much I don’t actually really have another life outside from my kids so I am always with them. My child’s father is around because obviously we are parenting but our relationship has been dead for a few months now. The 2nd man we are both busy with our lives so we don’t actually see each other much but we are always in contact and see each other when we both have free time.

Hi I definitely appreciate this comment. I just wanted to say I am happy and fulfilled within myself. I have been on a self healing journey for a very long time and I am always working on myself so my issue is not that. A relationship or love is not void to me as I am still human and I am in a position where I I am currently experiencing parts of a beautiful perfect relationship as well as being involved in a family dynamic relationship with my children’s father even though it’s being toxic from his part and I just wanted advice on what relationship to pursue really that’s all. Do I stay for
the kids or pursue something else. That was my question I may have worded it wrong but I wanted to hear different opinions and experiences on this. But thanks for your advice anyway

Neither man are right for you OP from what you wrote of them. Raise your children and be on your own for now, it’s better than being with Mr Wrong. Find decent male role models for your children to emulate.

Work out properly what you want from relationships and in therapy unlearn the cross you have learnt about relationships along the way.

Staying for the sake of the children is a statement that often does not stand up to scrutiny when examined more. Whose sake would you be staying for op because it could be argued it’s for your sake because it’s somehow easier. Do not get bogged down in your sunk costs, the past is gone never to return.

What do you want to teach your kids about relationships and what are they learning here?.

What did you, more to the point, learn about relationships when you were growing up?.

Thank you very much, you’re very right. I definitely do need to get some therapy on the relationship side of my life and moving forward I don’t actually think I will have a very healthy relationship until I do this so you’re definitely right. I want my children to witness and understand a healthy happy relationship. I have never seen a healthy relationship growing up or never experienced the healthy mum and dad family dynamic set up so yes I have been very lost in these areas

Don't you think this lack of your own life is the problem?

You say you're happy and fulfilled, but it doesn't appear that way when you're so focused on it being one man or another.

Men aren't the solution. They're generally the problem 😂

If you're splitting up with the children's father, it's about making that the least traumatic possible, not lining up the next guy.