Self esteem shot by partners porn use

[Mum1762]

My partner of 3 y uses porn regularly, multiple times a day typically whenever I leave the house but I’ve walked in on him doing it when I’ve been upstairs working. He says it’s normal and all men do it and I’m controlling for not liking it. I don’t have an issue with porn but it’s the extent of it and how it has now pretty much totally replaced our sex life. The fact he waits until I leave the house then immediately goes on porn makes me feel like shit given he is too tired for sex with me. I have said why can’t we watch together but he says it makes him uncomfortable yet when I was pregnant with our son he was on every chat site going trying to get women to do mutual masturbation over video call. I can’t help compare myself with these women and feel I can never match up to their perfect bodies. I have tried explaining to him how it makes me feel and how much it hurts me but he can’t stop. I’m at the point now where I’ve booked vaginal surgery privately and used all my savings to pay for it as I’m desperate to try save our relationship. I just feel so sad and down and I just hate my body so much. I know people will say just leave but it’s not easy when you’ve built a life with someone and especially because he constantly tells me all men do this so I’d only have to face the same issue if I ever got into another relationship 😣

Once they are doing live-cam and video call it's gone beyond "watching a bit of porn". That is time to change the locks!

I don’t think he does it to hurt me he just physically cannot understand why I’d be hurt by it because he thinks it’s normal and something every man on this planet does

Oh come on, OP. A man would have to be a brainless idiot to think that constant porn use and also cam girls would not upset his wife. He knows full well that it's hurtful. He just doesn't care, and he knows that you want to believe that he 'cannot understand', because you'd rather believe that he's just normal like other men than believe that he's a sleazy, cheating scumbag.

You poor thing.

this isn’t normal. He is a horrible twat.

He should be begging your forgiveness for cheating not blaming you for it.

But he's making you feel unwanted as well, isn't he? To the point where you're seriously considering vaginal surgery because the utter tosser has made you feel that yours is inadequate and bad and that other women somehow have 'perfect vaginas'. Seeing as he's making you feel unwanted and has checked out of your sex life altogether, how would he feel if you told him you felt like contacting other men because you wanted to engage in mutual masturbation with them on camera? I'm not saying you ever would or should do that, it's just that he has excuses for his appalling behaviour which you seem to think are plausible but are not, and I wonder if he'd be willing to apply the same logic to your actions that he does to his own. Or whether he's a raging hypocrite as well as a horrible, cheating partner.

Your posts in this thread make me so sad. I find it unbearable that a woman would waste all her hard earned savings on what she thinks will be a 'designer', 'perfect' vagina because her porn addict husband makes her feel so awful about herself. And what if you go through with the surgery and it doesn't make any difference, if your husband is still addicted to watching porn but is 'too tired' for sex with you? What will you do then? If you do come around to thinking that maybe leaving the relationship would be your best option, you'll have made things much harder for yourself by spending all your savings on cosmetic surgery.

You need to work on your body image issues. It is extremely mentally unhealthy to feel that you hate your body.

You poor, poor woman, there is NOTHING wrong with you, you did NOTHING wrong
This is all down to him and no all men do not behave like this
He is vile