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Original poster

Anyone else with in-laws they will never understand?!

67 replies

Ceravera · 17/02/2025 08:23

My in-laws are truly the oddest people I have ever met, constantly doing and saying things that boggle my mind. I should be used to this after 20 years but here I am wondering once again how their minds work 😂

We are visiting them this weekend, my 4 year old boy LOVES playmobil. He’s sitting on the floor playing with some sets we bought with us. DH says “Didn’t I have some playmobil Mum?” and MIL reveals they still have it stored upstairs. I go to get it and discover a huge box of the most fantastic collection with all sorts of discontinued sets. DS is in HEAVEN all weekend.

We are leaving today and he asks DH if he can take home a couple of the bits. DH says “Yes am sure that will be fine, ask Granny” ….. and so he does, and…..Granny refuses 😂

DS asked so nicely and she can see how much joy he is getting from it, she even said over the weekend how beautifully he plays with small world toys, but no. Apparently “it’s delicate stuff” and she thinks it’s best kept here. So back it went, into its dusty box, up on a shelf to sit untouched until our next visit in 6 months time. DS took it really well and sadly said goodbye to the pieces as he put them away. My heart broke a little as he waved goodbye to the box!

I know it’s obviously not a big deal but it’s just so so strange. What is life for if not for enjoying things and seeing others enjoy life too? Why keep things like this if they stay hidden away 99% of the time. Odd. So odd!

OP posts:
Kitkatcatflap · 17/02/2025 08:35

Is your son the only the only grandchild?

TheaBrandt1 · 17/02/2025 08:36

That is absolutely mental.

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 17/02/2025 08:37

Very odd. And mean actually.

HibbidyHabbidyHoo · 17/02/2025 08:40

My dad is the same. Keeps a box full of my childhood toys at his house but refuses to let me have them for my DC. It's weird. We don't ever visit him either as his house is always like a building site

cinnamonbunfight · 17/02/2025 08:40

Surely they actually belong to your DH and it should be up to him?

ChubbyMorticia · 17/02/2025 08:40

I’d say it belongs to your DH, not his mother, so he can take it if he chooses to. 🤷🏻‍♀️

TheThreeMiracles · 17/02/2025 08:53

I'm on the fence with this one if there's other grandchildren maybe she's seen the joy your little one had playing with them and wants other grandchildren to have the same when they visit on the other hand surely they belong to your dh so they should be his to take ?! Xx

junebirthdaygirl · 17/02/2025 08:58

Maybe she likes to know he has something to play with at her house when he comes. Not everything has to go home. Maybe she has strong reactions to letting go things due to her childhood, perhaps or due to nostalgia over your dhs childhood. My dm kept toys from our childhood at her home and it was always a highlight for the gc finding them still there.
I don't think it's that weird and it's actually a bit mean to be judging her so harshly. I was expecting her to have done something really bonkers.
Just accept her.

crumpet · 17/02/2025 09:02

junebirthdaygirl · 17/02/2025 08:58

Maybe she likes to know he has something to play with at her house when he comes. Not everything has to go home. Maybe she has strong reactions to letting go things due to her childhood, perhaps or due to nostalgia over your dhs childhood. My dm kept toys from our childhood at her home and it was always a highlight for the gc finding them still there.
I don't think it's that weird and it's actually a bit mean to be judging her so harshly. I was expecting her to have done something really bonkers.
Just accept her.

This

WimpoleHat · 17/02/2025 09:11

My mum had saved some of my toys - I had a tree house with all the furniture and little people and I’d looked after it really carefully. She let my girls have it and within weeks half the bits were broken and parts of the family were never to be reunited again…..😩. I was a bit sad about that, although I did accept that it just wasn’t the same thing for them and they didn’t have those memories attached to it. And better that they enjoyed it rather than it sitting in a box etc. But I can understand your MIL to a point - I think if it’s something that has sentimental value (for whatever reason) it’s fair enough that she wants to keep it all together. And if, as others have said, there are other grandchildren, that adds weight to it - she wants a “nice set” for all of them to be able to play with.

thepariscrimefiles · 17/02/2025 09:15

junebirthdaygirl · 17/02/2025 08:58

Maybe she likes to know he has something to play with at her house when he comes. Not everything has to go home. Maybe she has strong reactions to letting go things due to her childhood, perhaps or due to nostalgia over your dhs childhood. My dm kept toys from our childhood at her home and it was always a highlight for the gc finding them still there.
I don't think it's that weird and it's actually a bit mean to be judging her so harshly. I was expecting her to have done something really bonkers.
Just accept her.

The Playmobil sets actually belong to OP's DH not his parents. OP's son only wanted to take a few bits home with him, not the whole lot, but his grandmother still refused.

It's really mean of her and not how a loving grandparent would treat their grandchild.

NeedSomeComfy · 17/02/2025 09:16

This is definitely not ANYWHERE near as weird as you set it up to be. The gist is, she owns something, your DS wanted it, she said no. Some people are very protective of their things. As a pp said, she might be keeping it as a keepsake of her son's childhood.
Honestly if it 'your heart broke a little' seeing your son saying goodbye to toys that weren't his, he wasn't expecting to have and he'd enjoyed playing with for a whole weekend (and he has the prospect of playing with again the next time you go) then you need to toughen up.

Original poster
Ceravera · 17/02/2025 09:19

I knew some people would judge me for this but nice to see most people agree that this is bizarre! And this is just one incident in a very long line of odd behaviour I have experienced over the years, from them, not a random one off.

DS is the only grandchild who would play with the playmobil. SIL has two older kids who apparently never showed interest in it, and my older daughter was also not particularly into small world play. He is the last grandchild too so it’s not like anyone else would ever come along and want to play with it. So it’s either he enjoys or or it says in the box. Equally as someone above pointed out, he just wanted to borrow a couple of his favourite pieces, we would obviously take care of them and return them once he outgrew them.

OP posts:
Serpenting · 17/02/2025 09:20

That’s not particularly incomprehensible, surely. She wants to keep the set together at her house, either for sentimental reasons, to be there for visiting grandchildren, or because she wants to sell it?

Original poster
Ceravera · 17/02/2025 09:20

To clarify, my heart did not actually break 😂 I was clearly being light hearted.

OP posts:
mynameiscalypso · 17/02/2025 09:23

I find it hard to believe that anyone is particularly sentimentally attached to a tub of playmobil. It's just a bunch of plastic. I think she's being very mean not to let him take home some of his favourite bits. If you don't see them regularly, chances are that he's only going to play with them once or twice more there until he grows out of it.

Original poster
Ceravera · 17/02/2025 09:30

mynameiscalypso · 17/02/2025 09:23

I find it hard to believe that anyone is particularly sentimentally attached to a tub of playmobil. It's just a bunch of plastic. I think she's being very mean not to let him take home some of his favourite bits. If you don't see them regularly, chances are that he's only going to play with them once or twice more there until he grows out of it.

This!

I understand of course being sentimentally attached to things from your children’s childhood. She has kept little outfits and sweet little baby items and has a memory box of those things from my DH and SILs childhood, but as you say, this is a box of playmobil which was at the back of a cupboard and it just seems a shame!

I have also made a memory box of sentimental items from my two kids which I will keep just for me but I have also put aside some nice wooden toys like shape sorters they have outgrown and fully intend for future grandchildren to enjoy them one day. And yes, if they’d like to borrow them and take them home, I think I’ll allow it 😝

OP posts:
FlameOfFlowers · 17/02/2025 09:30

We had the absolute joy of PIL finding Dh's old lego techno stuff in their loft and they brought it round on their next visit to us. It was so lovely, all stored in old ice cream tubs. The children were loving it and Dh was surprised and pleased that some pieces were still made into things from the last time he had played with it from his childhood. We have some brilliant photos and videos of everything being opened up and tipped onto the floor.

I can never understand stashing old toys into a loft never to be played with. At the end of the day they are not PIL's toys, they are Dh's and he should ask for them back.

PIL had specific toys they bought and stored at their house which was understandable. But old toys belonging to Dh are Dh's toys and I am glad they recognised that.

Original poster
Ceravera · 17/02/2025 09:32

@FlameOfFlowers that is so lovely. I think honestly they are a bit of a joyless couple. There is never any laughter or smiles at their house. They are very cold towards the children and they were similar to DH and SIL growing up. I just find it hard to relate to. Your day of Lego fun sounds joyful!

OP posts:
Hunkermedown · 17/02/2025 09:33

Mine are like this. There are 'special' toys which must stay at nanas house. Now the children are too old for them, so they must still be unused up in the attic - probably only to be found again when the house is cleared out at some point in years to come. Such a waste.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 17/02/2025 09:34

My not so nice MIL did similar behaviour re a teddy bear that DH owned as a child. DH spoke to her and the bear was handed over.

crumpet · 17/02/2025 09:35

AttilaTheMeerkat · 17/02/2025 09:34

My not so nice MIL did similar behaviour re a teddy bear that DH owned as a child. DH spoke to her and the bear was handed over.

The thing is, if the bear was so special why did dh not have it anyway? He was presumably happy for it to be stored there, and it would be getting used on visits more than it would have done without your dc visiting.

chollysawcutt · 17/02/2025 09:44

Ah, that's a shame. I can see if maybe she thinks there are 'special toys' that can only be played with at Granny's. Maybe she hopes you will visit more if she keeps them?!

My ILs had some really nice things - dollhouse, dressing up clothes, lego, boardgames etc which the kids loved to play when they went to visit. We had plenty of toys at home, so these were something to look forward to when we went to visit - and actually now the kids are older they have lovely memories of those particular toys.

But equally, if the playmobil was specifically your DH's and it was only a few things then yes, it's a bit churlish. I have carefully boxed up all DD's Sylvanian families (labelled and in ice cream tubs!) and I will be very happy to gift them back to her when she has kids.

Original poster
Ceravera · 17/02/2025 09:47

Yes, it was literally a couple of things! One of the figures had a bucket and mop he really loved because he has a hospital set at home and he wanted to be able to clean the hospital 😂 so he wanted the bucket and mop. And there was also a light brown horse which was the same as a dark brown horse he has at home and he wanted his horse to have a friend. So just a couple of teensy items!

OP posts:
petproject · 18/02/2025 06:18

I think your PIL are being reasonable. My grandparents and parents always kept their children's old toys at their house for the next generation to play with when visiting and that was a happy memory of mine from visiting them. I have a few boxes of my DC's toys that I get out if children of friends or relatives come round which benefits numerous children and means they aren't bored whilst here. Maybe your PIL just want to have something special for your DS to associate with their house?