Anyone else with in-laws they will never understand?!

[Ceravera]

My in-laws are truly the oddest people I have ever met, constantly doing and saying things that boggle my mind. I should be used to this after 20 years but here I am wondering once again how their minds work 😂

We are visiting them this weekend, my 4 year old boy LOVES playmobil. He’s sitting on the floor playing with some sets we bought with us. DH says “Didn’t I have some playmobil Mum?” and MIL reveals they still have it stored upstairs. I go to get it and discover a huge box of the most fantastic collection with all sorts of discontinued sets. DS is in HEAVEN all weekend.

We are leaving today and he asks DH if he can take home a couple of the bits. DH says “Yes am sure that will be fine, ask Granny” ….. and so he does, and…..Granny refuses 😂

DS asked so nicely and she can see how much joy he is getting from it, she even said over the weekend how beautifully he plays with small world toys, but no. Apparently “it’s delicate stuff” and she thinks it’s best kept here. So back it went, into its dusty box, up on a shelf to sit untouched until our next visit in 6 months time. DS took it really well and sadly said goodbye to the pieces as he put them away. My heart broke a little as he waved goodbye to the box!

I know it’s obviously not a big deal but it’s just so so strange. What is life for if not for enjoying things and seeing others enjoy life too? Why keep things like this if they stay hidden away 99% of the time. Odd. So odd!

I agree with you OP, it's very weird indeed! Sounds a lot like my FIL.

I'm grandma age but don't have grandkids.

If I buy toys for all possible grandchildren to use I'll be wanting to keep them at my house not go home with a child each time,

Kids always want to take home whatever they are playing with. I'd lose so many that way and have to buy loads more!

I think that was really mean, especially as he clearly loved it and she would rather it sit in a box.

But to answer your OP, yes my ILs are very odd and I'm now NC with them (see username). For some years I just put up with their behaviour and put it down to them being different to me and having their quirks, but slowly I realised they're actually just rotten people.

I always thought I'd never understand my inlaws. It took about 28 years of marriage before I learned something and they suddenly made sense. So never say never!

Aww that is so mean of them, what joy will it bring in a bloody box at their house.

My mum would do this to keep the toys special. I had certain toys at my grandparents’ house and I’d look fwd to going so I could play with them. It meant they kept their value. Toys easily lose their value at home when stored with all the other shit. Also, that stuff will be worth something so keeping it together is wise.

The longer I've known PIL the odder they have got
Pre kids we were all just polite and willing to see the other side. After grand children arrived, jealousy crept in from both sides. I thinky PIL just stopped thinking, got trapped in 'this is the way' without looking at at the bigger picture. So if the Playmobil live on the shelf that is where they live, end of thought process.

It will all end up at the tip when they’re gone.

We kept Duplo, Lego, Brio track and trains, a wooden fort, books etc all from our own children and I'm so pleased I did. They've been extensively enjoyed (and marvelled upon the fact that these were a parent's toy..) by our DGC, but are known as 'granny house toys'... the difference being OP that they do live close by. When they are outgrown I'll keep safe just in case of arrival of any more...
I do think it's a bit of waste that they couldn't be enjoyed more and safely returned once outgrown but think it's probably a sentimental thing.

I don't actually think it's that weird. Maybe they want to keep some toys that are special to them from their son's childhood, so that their grandchildren can enjoy them every time they visit for years to come? My MIL has toys and when my kids love playing with them and want to bring them home, I always say no, let's leave them at grandma's so it will feel special when we visit her! Couldn't you buy him some of the stuff yourself if he likes it that much? If that's the weirdest think your PIL have done, count yourself lucky!

Very odd behaviour. Likely wanting to keep the set together as bait to secure another visit from you soon. Why would your dh defer to her though? It's for him to speak up and give it to his ds.

My dgs loves the Russian dolls at our house.
He is only 2 so he gets to play with the chunky one that won’t choke him.
When he’s old enough not to throw them about he can pick one to take home.
Dd agrees with me on this.
If he was 6 however he would definitely be given one.

Yeah it's weird and mean. My in-laws are horrible in other ways but one thing is for sure they made DH take every tiny piece of his childhood memories from their loft! They didn't want any of it in there.

This reminds me of the time my parents brought my eldest a playmobli castle for Christmas and he adored it, but they refused to let him bring it home with him.
It stayed at their house for years and then they sold it and they had loads of toys so wasn't the only thing for ds to play with.

Maybe your mil feels she doesn't have any other toys for him so best to keep it at hers. Seems mean regardless though.

I've kept some of my children's old toys and I think I'd happily hand them over to any grandchildren if I'm fortunate enough to have them one day. It would be lovely to think they'd be enjoyed by them, so I agree it's a bit odd.
I'd just like to add that your little boy sounds lovely, and I can just imagine him solemnly waving goodbye. I'm not sure how Grandma didn't crack at that point and say 'Oh, okay then'.

Horse

Cleaner

these are on eBay- not a mop but someone who could clean for DS!

FWIW they do sound weird and unreasonable- YANBU!!

My parents were like this. They had a beautiful dolls house which the children were allowed to play with when they visited, which was very rarely. I just couldn't understand why they didn't give it to them. it's exactly the sort of thing my parents would have done. Why didn't your husband speak to his parents though? He should have said, 'those were my toys, I would like my son to have them.'

My FIL is same. He bought DC a bike then announced it had to stay at his house (miles away so we dont visit often and limited space to ride it there (huge garden but mostly grass that he wasnt allowed to cycle in).

Life is too short to not share/spread the joy.

My ILs also live in an area of outstanding natural beauty. In the 20 yrs ive known then they have never once suggested a walk/visit etc anywhere!! They sit around at home doing nothing (perfectably able and money not an issue). Its so bizarre and joyless.

Oh my PIL are the same. Huge tubs of Duplo and Playmobil have been saved for 30 years, only to be played with for an hour twice a year. Not to be taken home. I'm not sure what the plan is for it next, maybe save it for another 30 years for the potential great grandchildren?

Her DC asked for two items from a huge box full of Playmobil figures but they still said no. OP's child is the last grandchild. OP says that her PILs are a joyless couple who are cold towards their grandchildren so I doubt that it's because they want something special for their grandson to associate with their house.

Ahh I feel validated! Glad to see so many people would feel similarly. Guessing those who disagree are the types who would do the same thing when they have grandchildren so we are bound to disagree in that case! And of course this is not the oddest thing they do, they make constantly bizarre decisions, this was just the latest example.

@BigDeepBreaths are your in laws my in laws?! Exact same situation. The area is stunning, but when we suggest us all going out for a walk or to the local National Trust for lunch and a wander, they look at us like we are aliens. And then when we go anyway, because we cannot spend 3 days, with 2 kids, without ever leaving their living room, they seem put out that we are going out without them.

Sometimes it's the mindset of carefully saving something, which then doesn't get switched off.
Kinda, your long-term memory goes:
"I've saved this for so long, must carry on saving!"
Where your rational brain goes: "What?"

That looks loopy written down, but it's that saving the Precious Thing has become a habit.
Also probably nostalgia. Belonged to her little boy. That's not an excuse, just a possible explanation.

As an aside, I found car boot sales amazing for random bits of Playmobil and Lego when my lad was small - maybe see if you can find him the bits as a surprise?

They sound like a mix of my parents and my in laws. My in laws kept so much stuff and none of it is allowed to leave the house. It’s great to have so much there when we visit, so I do understand it, but when there is the odd bit here or there, such as a unique Lego part my son would really appreciate, there is such a song and dance about it going home with him, or borrowing a book. Exhausting. But the bit about their reaction to your day trips is my parents all over. They seem utterly exhausted and stressed by my three children being in their house, so of course we aim to manage that by taking them out on energetic outings and they just pour problem after potential problem on the idea and seem really put out when the kids come back saying they had a great time. We used to try and find outings we could all go on but that didn’t seem to be welcome either. I have no idea what they actually want. They live in an area known for walking and the idea we take out kids for a hike seems utterly mental to them 🤷‍♀️

It really does help to pay attention to the ops posts. Don't you think?

There is always a positive, if you look for one!

Your MiL kept her DS’s toys and has them for your DS to play with at hers.

My DM/DF on the other hand, kept nothing of mine, have no toys at all at theirs for their DGC and would never even think about providing anything.