Anyone else with in-laws they will never understand?!

[Ceravera]

My in-laws are truly the oddest people I have ever met, constantly doing and saying things that boggle my mind. I should be used to this after 20 years but here I am wondering once again how their minds work 😂

We are visiting them this weekend, my 4 year old boy LOVES playmobil. He’s sitting on the floor playing with some sets we bought with us. DH says “Didn’t I have some playmobil Mum?” and MIL reveals they still have it stored upstairs. I go to get it and discover a huge box of the most fantastic collection with all sorts of discontinued sets. DS is in HEAVEN all weekend.

We are leaving today and he asks DH if he can take home a couple of the bits. DH says “Yes am sure that will be fine, ask Granny” ….. and so he does, and…..Granny refuses 😂

DS asked so nicely and she can see how much joy he is getting from it, she even said over the weekend how beautifully he plays with small world toys, but no. Apparently “it’s delicate stuff” and she thinks it’s best kept here. So back it went, into its dusty box, up on a shelf to sit untouched until our next visit in 6 months time. DS took it really well and sadly said goodbye to the pieces as he put them away. My heart broke a little as he waved goodbye to the box!

I know it’s obviously not a big deal but it’s just so so strange. What is life for if not for enjoying things and seeing others enjoy life too? Why keep things like this if they stay hidden away 99% of the time. Odd. So odd!

I think your PIL are being unreasonable because these toys belonged to your DH, so in theory, he could repossess the lot of them and take them all home. It would be different if the PILs had bought the toys expressly for their grandchildren to play with while at their house. I have a big box of duplo and one for Lego for the DGC to play with when they come here. Occasionally one will ask if they can take some of it home, and I say no, that’s to play with while you’re here, and I have bought you other Lego that’s yours to take home. My own DS has taken some of his childhood toys from the loft for his own DC - that’s absolutely his right, as it should be your DH’s right if they were his toys.

I think it’s odd I’m always trying to persuade mine to take stuff home with them! ‘I’m sure your other nanny would love one of those rocks you’ve just painted!’
I’ve got tons of books, games, toys here.

Just a word about keeping plastic.
My parents stored all the 1970s fisher Price stuff. After 30 years in the attic it looked great but had freeze/thaw plastic fatigue. Within a week of being out, all the animals in the farm looked like they'd been caught up in a post nuclear meltdown. Legs fell off, ears disintegrated. It wasn't rough handling.
Made me very determined for stuff to get very played with so I make sure there's pictures of the kids playing with the object then once out of favour it moves on to someone else.

This sounds mean. They are your DH's toys not hers so your DH should have just taken them. Toys are meant to be played with. You can cart them back there next time and then home again.

Yeah this is weird. Let the child enjoy it. I’ve known people keep kids Christmas gifts for sole use at their house. Really controlling and odd.

Exact same thing happened to me!!!!!! Thousands of 40 year old toys in a cruddy old loft. My daughter took a shine to a toy car and asked if she could take it home…… was declined. My mind was blown! And I never looked at the family member the same.

My DD was the youngest child by 6 years and the only one to show an interest in this particular item in probably 20 years.

I was so cross because I felt if she’d had just snaffled it, they quite literally would have never ever noticed. But I wanted her to be polite and ask! And she was shut down.

Truly bizarre.

SD's ILs bought DGS a bike, which has to be kept at their house. V strange, especially as (a) it is the only bike he has and (b) SD is currently on maternity leave, so DGS rarely goes to their house anyway.

Awful mean behaviour and likely your child will never forget it.
I couldn't look at people that could be so mean to a child.
We had the most ENORMOUS box of Thomas the Tank engine.
We had everything.
Bought over 5 years.
My boys adored it for years and it was fully layed out in a room.
Such a great toy, years of fun.

I kept it and passed it to a niece for her boys.
Her father, a very quiet man, came alive with the gift.
It was given a room and he played with it with all the grandchildren.
He died suddenly and it is a lovely memory all of his grandchildren and his wife holds so dear to them.

He became animated and chatty and fully engaged with his grandchildren through the trains.

Be thankful if this is the weirdest they are 😂

It’s mean and it’s odd. I think they are controlling and probably think you’ll visit more often if your son keeps going on about the playmobile set.

Oh my mum is the same. Has absolutely nothing now of mine and the 2 or three things she had she couldn't wait to give to me to get them out of her house. She moved about 4 years ago, she had one wedding photo up of me and husband, that I gave her and one of her only grandchild - again that I gave her. Since she moved the only photo she has "up" as in on a table is one of her, I assume the others are in a box.

Oh believe me, this is the TIP of an enormous iceberg.

Bonkers. And controlling.

Mine too. Every interaction was bananas in some way. Also lots to do with toys.
MIL had a pile of baby toys leftover from older GC and when we visited when DD was about 6 she was furious she bought her own toys as there were all these toys to play with already. Things like a shape sorter. She sulked all weekend.
she also bought her a large toy which clearly said 3 plus when DD was 6 months old for Christmas. We couldn’t fit it in the car, so she rang every day for months to ask when we were coming to get it, how she was going to throw it in the bin as if was taking up so much room. It was 5 hours each way to hers. When I did get it I had to hide it in the shed as it was dangerous.
so many more…

I won't let my kids toys go back to the GCs homes either. Frankly they have enough at home and their parents make no effort to keep toys in some sort of order as in everything is thrown around the house. I.paid a lot for Duplo, Lego and Brio and made the effort to clean, store and sort it and I know if it goes home it will never be seen again. The GC often arrive with no toys or spare clothes so it helps to be prepared. If the GC have to change their clothes, especially the babies and toddlers, these clothes are never seen again either! Sorry!

Well, that wouldn’t be the case here. My kids don’t have hundreds of toys, the toys they do have are all kept carefully and tidily and we don’t lose things. And the in laws know that about us. Had they allowed my son to “borrow” the playmobil horse he loved so much it would have been stored with the rest of his playmobil and returned on our next visit. I still don’t understand it and I never will. Allow a 4 year old boy to take home a toy that brings him joy and enhances his play, or shove it away in a box where it will remain for ever as chances are he will have outgrown it by our next visit. Each to their own I guess but I will always find that decision odd and joyless.

A lot of older people (IMO) weren't officially diagnosed with things like autism, anxiety, or ND.

If they were academically able enough to get a good job and keep going financially and have a family unit, then it's unlikely that they would have acknowledged any problems.

Some people are just naturally more socially conservative, have quieter lives than others.

Not everyone wants (or should want) an open-minded jet setting retirement!

However, it is fairly common to see older people with very rigid fixed thinking/unable to see other peoples feelings or point of view.

Or not able to change their perspectives, unless someone in authority directly tells them.

So with the toys, the "fact" is they live in the attic, and that they are valuable objects which need to be kept safe.

This may have been true when they were first purchased, or 20 years ago.

Adjusting thinking to see that actually they're just collecting dust, and it makes sense for older people to reduce their possessions is something which goes against their entrenched fact.

And they couldn't see that DS loves the toy, or that you feel uncomfortable cooped up in the house....you might succeed if you took ages to directly explain to them, but they couldn't quickly process this themselves.

They don't want to go for a walk, so your choice is illogical....So they just see you abandoning them to go for a walk....