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Original poster

Boyfriend got stroppy that I didn't want 4am sex

58 replies

Zip79 · 16/02/2025 16:29

I think I would just like confirmation that my boyfriend was out of order and I was right to dump him.

We don't live together, so he came over the other day, we had sex 2 times in the evening. At 4am he wakes me up wanting sex, I said no I'm way too tired, he tries again 2 mins later. I said why aren't you listening to me, I said no?! I went to sleep on the couch, he got up at 7ish, got his things from the front room which woke me up and then he just left without saying anything.

I messaged him later on to say that if I say no to 4am sex it's doesn't mean I don't love him or find him attractive it's just that I don't feel like sex at that moment and that leaving without saying anything is not on. He is ignoring me now. Complete silent treatment. So I msg that we are obviously not compatible and blocked him.

This is not the first time this has happened, sometimes I just have sex with him at in the middle of the night even though I don't really feel like it, we often have sex 2-3 times in the evening before but he still wakes me up for more. On the times I have said no before, he does this stroppy leaving without saying anything as if I have done something wrong and I even end up apologising. I know this is not right?

OP posts:
Snipples · 16/02/2025 16:32

Definitely right to dump him. You're not a hole he can just fuck whenever the fancy takes him. This won't get better. The sulking would also put me off him enormously. How long have you been together? Pathetic behaviour on his part. Well done you for not standing for it. You can do/ deserve better.

ErrolTheDragon · 16/02/2025 16:33

I think I would just like confirmation that my boyfriend was out of order and I was right to dump him.

Yep, confirmed.
It's pretty unreasonable to wake someone else up at 4am, and it's definitely unreasonable for him to not immediately and fully recognise that no means no. Then sulking about it after...

Glad you're not putting up with this shit any longer.

Glorybox2025 · 16/02/2025 16:35

Waking you up at 4am for sex is utterly shit behaviour and then sulking and refusing to accept a no turns it into abusive behaviour. Please don't take him back, ever

category12 · 16/02/2025 16:35

Dump.

nellly · 16/02/2025 16:36

That is distinctly unattractive I can't imagine anyone liking that

CharlieAndMoose · 16/02/2025 16:36

Best case scenario he's immature. Worst case scenario he's abusive and predatory, pushing the boundaries of consent and there's a risk that one day he won't take no for an answer. The silent treatment is also quite abusive, in my opinion - he's withholding emotional support from you to punish you, and to coerce you into giving in to his demands. Either way he's toxic and I'd get rid before things progress to a more serious commitment such as living together. He clearly thinks he has a right to sex and that leaves you vulnerable.

MadKittenWoman · 16/02/2025 16:37

LTB

Spudalot · 16/02/2025 16:37

You dodged a bullet there. I feel sorry for his next gf.

ChaToilLeam · 16/02/2025 16:39

Horrible man, glad to hear you‘re done with him.

Hazel665 · 16/02/2025 16:39

You are right, it's not right.

Well done for getting rid of him. Don't cave in when he inevitably comes crawling back, because he will only do it again.

Liv999 · 16/02/2025 16:41

Well done you 👏 I'm sure he'll try to come crawling back once he's over his sulk, make sure you're having none of it

MagneticSquirrel · 16/02/2025 16:41

You were right to dump him. Awful behaviour from him, especially the sulking in the morning and silent treatment. He seems to think he is entitled to sex whenever he wants, regardless of how you are feeling. Imagine that would continue and then, if you had kids sounds like the type that would pressuring even if you were exhausted / sore / stitches etc post-birth … you are well rid.

Sodthesystem · 16/02/2025 16:42

Showing through actions that 'If you don't have sex with me when I want, I will throw a strop and I will blank you when you try to placate me' = coercive control..which is actually illegal.

Sex is a mutual act for mutual enjoyment. You're not a wank sock.

Well done dumping the nasty prick.

TulipCat · 16/02/2025 16:43

I can't stand men who sulk when they don't get sex, especially if you've already done it that evening. He's a selfish arse and you're well rid.

Original poster
Zip79 · 16/02/2025 16:46

So we've been together 6 months, of course, at first he never did anything like this and appeared to be emotionally intelligent and supportive, he did suggest living together quite early on but I said no it's way too soon as I have 2 daughters.

OP posts:
Leapyash · 16/02/2025 16:48

This is grim. He is grim. There's not really much more to say.

PTSDBarbiegirl · 16/02/2025 16:48

Best rid of him. Sounds controlling, needy and self centred. Probably abusive.

Glorybox2025 · 16/02/2025 16:50

I know it's hard to fathom but a man who is sexually coercive with his adult partner is a greater risk of being a sexual risk to children too. Please don't allow him around your daughters again. Also for future learning - a man who pushes to live together very early on is a massive red flag, even if you don't have children but especially if you do. It shows he has poor judgement, poor boundaries and is emotionally immature. Combined with sexual coercion and being sexually preoccupied and he's a massive red flag for being a risk to children.

Nothatgingerpirate · 16/02/2025 16:52

Kick, bastard, kerb.
Fill the rest in.
🤢

Chocolatecustardcreamsrule · 16/02/2025 16:54

4am?? You were right to tell him to jog on OP. Your response was a lot nicer than mine would have been if I’d have been woken up at that time for sex.

Devilsmommy · 16/02/2025 16:57

ErrolTheDragon · 16/02/2025 16:33

I think I would just like confirmation that my boyfriend was out of order and I was right to dump him.

Yep, confirmed.
It's pretty unreasonable to wake someone else up at 4am, and it's definitely unreasonable for him to not immediately and fully recognise that no means no. Then sulking about it after...

Glad you're not putting up with this shit any longer.

This times a million. What a twat

PullTheBricksDown · 16/02/2025 16:58

I wouldn't be receptive to Chris Hemsworth waking me for sex at 4am. Right to dump.

user3827 · 16/02/2025 16:59

Def dump

Mrsttcno1 · 16/02/2025 17:10

Absolutely right to dump him OP.

If my husband woke me up at 4am for any reason other than the house being on fire I’d be annoyed!

AgingWellThankYou · 16/02/2025 17:15

Yup, that is unattractive in the extreme and rapidly moving into worrying behavior. You are a person, not a sex toy.

You dodged a bullet! Good for you for having healthy boundaries.

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