Boyfriend got stroppy that I didn't want 4am sex

[Zip79]

I think I would just like confirmation that my boyfriend was out of order and I was right to dump him.

We don't live together, so he came over the other day, we had sex 2 times in the evening. At 4am he wakes me up wanting sex, I said no I'm way too tired, he tries again 2 mins later. I said why aren't you listening to me, I said no?! I went to sleep on the couch, he got up at 7ish, got his things from the front room which woke me up and then he just left without saying anything.

I messaged him later on to say that if I say no to 4am sex it's doesn't mean I don't love him or find him attractive it's just that I don't feel like sex at that moment and that leaving without saying anything is not on. He is ignoring me now. Complete silent treatment. So I msg that we are obviously not compatible and blocked him.

This is not the first time this has happened, sometimes I just have sex with him at in the middle of the night even though I don't really feel like it, we often have sex 2-3 times in the evening before but he still wakes me up for more. On the times I have said no before, he does this stroppy leaving without saying anything as if I have done something wrong and I even end up apologising. I know this is not right?

Oh fuck that. I can't think of anything worse than being hassled for sex at 4am. I feel quite angry on your behalf 😡

You were right to dump him. He sounds like a right sex pest.

They all seem like that at first, or there would never be a second date. Keep him blocked.

It's a good thing you dumped him.

Some people don’t mind being woken up for sex, but that's in relationships where this has clearly been communicated before hand, and there is room to not want to do this as well. It's not terribly uncommon, but neither is it the norm.

Say goodbye to this childish sulking behaviour.

Thanks all for confirming. I don't react well to being ignored/silent treatment, it triggers me a lot so I wasn't sure if I was overreacting.

Really, the silent treatment triggered me more than the waking me up for sex at 4am and the stroppiness, as I have experienced the silent treatment in a relationship before.

Abusive relationship with Coercive Sex...which is a crime.

Ring 101 to check, or Women's aid.

He is scum and you are right to dump.
Soften his cough by telling him you have reported his abuse to the police.

It will help his next victim.
He has rapist vibes...you do realise that?

Protect yourself OP, he's scum.

Silent treatment / stone walling is an emotionally abusive behaviour, so it's not an overreaction.

He's a complete idiot who is depriving you of sleep, which can have a detrimental effect on your mental and emotional wellbeing as a lack of sleep is serious.

So this is one great big red flag, he's only using you for sex and your wellbeing is none of his concern so I suggest you LTB a he's a useless, selfish, and mean.

Urgh definitely dump him now, he'll only get worse

He's grim. Waking you for sex is grim, sulking when you say no is outrageous and coercive.

Has he not figured out how to have a wank?

Having sex with him to keep him happy because there will be consequences you don't and you 'don't really want to' is not considered true consent and therefore is rape.

Well done. I think you've dodged a bullet there. You might like to look at your boundaries around consent though, saying yes because it's easier to give in is coercion.

Threads like this remind me why I choose to remain single. I do admire those who persevere though. Hopefully next time you'll get a prince rather than a frog.

Sex pest rightly dumped.

He's punishing you for having a perfectly reasonable boundary. Red flag. Dump him.

You can say no to sex at any time of the day or night, and your OH should take it in good grace and with respect.

Any sulking / pressuring / silent treatment / critism is a huge red flag.

He sounds vile.

So I msg that we are obviously not compatible and blocked him.

Excellent boundaries. If you meet another one of these fuckers, dump the first time.

Waking your partner up at 4am is unacceptable, unless the house is on fire.

Just adding to the chorus here. Very proud of you for acting with such decision and clarity of mind, OP. This was going to get worse if you’d let it. You’ve protected yourself and you’ve protected your daughters. That’s how it’s done. It’s also taught him that he won’t always get his way by sulking, which is something he can reflect on if he ever gets to the point where he’d like to work on being a better man. But that bit really isn’t your problem.

Send him a link to the cup of tea consent video. He needs it.

Are you right to dump a sex pest who strops at you saying no to make sure you don't do it again? You couldn't be more right OP.

He’s what you call a sex pest. Constantly pestering you for sex whenever he wants it. Great job putting your foot down. Don’t take him back bc he’ll do it again. So glad you’re taking care of yourself and girls first. You should be proud.

sometimes I just have sex with him at in the middle of the night even though I don't really feel like it,

Don't ever stay with someone again who makes you feel that you have to do this to "keep the peace".

Well done for getting rid.

Seems that it should have been sooner though.

@Zip79 keep him dumped!!!

I am someone that would love 4am sex, no idea what it is but I really want sex at that time.

I would never do what your partner has done. I’d have a fumble and gauge the response. If never be pissed off with you for not wanting it.

Dump him!

My DH wouldn't dream of waking me up at 4am unless there was an emergency, let alone for sex. So glad you dodged this bullet OP! Well done for getting rid.

Well done for dumping the sex pest. Him using the silent treatment to punish you for not immediately jumping to his demand is so abusive.
To anyone that is reading this- you are not a sex toy for a man.