I'm in my late 40s. My last 2 relationships have been abusive, so I have maybe lost perspective of normality.
In the last few months I've been seeing a lovely guy. It's really a FWB arrangement as neither of us are particularly ready to commit yet. We meet up maybe once a week or so, have mind-blowing sex, but we text daily, phone regularly and we've been on holiday together.
He's everything my ex's weren't, he's calm, patient, never raises his voice, he loves animals, is veggie (like me) and he looks after himself physically.
We've talked a lot about our previous relationships and what went wrong. I'm still in touch with my last ex, who FWB thinks it's a classic narcissist. I have to say, I agree completely. He's told me I need to cut contact with this guy as he's not good for me and will eventually destroy me. I know he's right, but it's difficult to cut contact completely as we still have to work together.
In this respect FWB has been a lovely breath of fresh air.
However, I've also started to notice something else. There's been a few times when he's messaged me and I've been online for other things, but not had time to read or respond to his messages. He's called me out on it and I've ended up having to respond quickly saying, "busy, I'll reply properly later". He's also commented a few times that I've commented or reacted to something on Facebook, but not responded to his message. More recently there's been a couple of times when I've been out with friends and not responded to him, so he's phoned me up. If I reject the call I then get more messages saying there's something wrong, why aren't you picking up etc?
This sounds like I'm constantly ignoring him. I'm not. I usually reply to messages as soon as I get them, but if I'm busy it might be a couple of hours before I reply, or if I'm with friends I don't want to disrupt my evening by feeling obliged to respond to a call.
My gut is telling me that this is controlling and I shouldn't have to feel that I must be available to answer 24/7, or explain why I haven't but on the other hand, I see lots of comments from posters on here worrying that their partner won't pick up the phone (and I've done it myself when I've been feeling something is a bit off).
We're not committed to each other, it's a fwb arrangement. However, I'm not sure I like the feeling that I should have to explain where I am or why if I don't respond to messages or answer my phone.
I've maybe somewhat lost perspective of what's normal. My last ex was a narcissist and the one before that started nearly 25 years ago, so mobile phones and being in permanent contact were less of a thing then.
Before anyone says, "you need to spend time on your own" etc, I'm not looking for a committed relationship. I'm perfectly happy to see someone very casually for regular sex without it going deeper than that.