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Original poster

Husband interferes in other people's business

62 replies

Viveladifference · 08/02/2025 15:15

Hi, I hope you can help me make sense of this. Sometimes my husband interferes in other people's business when we are out. E.g When we're out walking he motions to people they are driving too fast, they haven't indicated when he's walking along the road and a car is pulling out, tells people to put their dogs on a lead etc There's the potential for confrontation and I'm on pins about how people are going to react.
He says I'm too passive.

OP posts:
Bestthriller · 08/02/2025 15:16

How old is he?

QuirkyWriter · 08/02/2025 15:18

He sounds like an irritating wanker. I don’t think I could bear to go out to a place with him unless there weren’t going to be many people. Out of interest, does he have a go at men and women equally or mainly women?

Original poster
Viveladifference · 08/02/2025 15:20

59
I don't want to be married to a grumpy old man. I know these things sound minimal, but I just want some peace when we go out for a walk rather than the worry of him getting into an argument.

OP posts:
SunnieShine · 08/02/2025 15:21

I would cringe myself inside out.🤡

Bestthriller · 08/02/2025 15:22

Viveladifference · 08/02/2025 15:20

59
I don't want to be married to a grumpy old man. I know these things sound minimal, but I just want some peace when we go out for a walk rather than the worry of him getting into an argument.

How long have you been married to him?

Mareleine · 08/02/2025 15:22

I mean to be fair if everyone did it, maybe people would start following society's rules and the world would be a better place.
But since it's just your DH on a one man mission, maybe he needs another outlet to try and change society for the better, perhaps getting involved in an environmental group or doing a litterpick regularly or similar?

Original poster
Viveladifference · 08/02/2025 15:24

Men and women equally.
These people are quite often doing the wrong thing, but it's exhausting. They're usually nothing to do with him.
I'm willing to stand up to people when I see there's a clear injustice, but these things are often not worth it.

OP posts:
theduchessofspork · 08/02/2025 15:24

Has it ever caused an argument?

If not can you just treat it as his business and ignore?

Bestthriller · 08/02/2025 15:25

Op how long have you been even married to him?!

Fluffyholeysocks · 08/02/2025 15:26

I know someone like this - he wasn't like this until his later years. I think it fulfills a need in him to be 'respected' , someone that takes the moral high ground or is superior. It all comes down to feeling unfulfilled in all areas of his life - no career, life has sort of passed him by without him achieving much.

Original poster
Viveladifference · 08/02/2025 15:29

We've been married two years but known each other a long time. It happened once it twice in the past but seems to get more frequent.
I've asked him to change but he said he won't if he sees someone doing something wrong.
I think we'll just have to go out alone!
Yes, I just walk off and leave him to it. It spoils the walk though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Viveladifference · 08/02/2025 15:30

Sorry, I'm not sure how to reply to individual posts.

OP posts:
Original poster
Viveladifference · 08/02/2025 15:32

His mum is like this and he hates it. It really embarrasses him. I just pointed this out but he hates me saying that.
We argued over this and now he's really hurt.

OP posts:
Original poster
Viveladifference · 08/02/2025 15:33

He's still working and has a successful career.

OP posts:
sometimesmovingforwards · 08/02/2025 15:35

Well he’ll get a punch in the mouth eventually. Maybe next year, maybe tomorrow, who knows.
But act like that and it’s coming.
And there are some proper nutters out there with nothing to lose just waiting for someone to light the blue touch paper so it can kick off.

I hope he’s physically capable of defending himself. And you if you’re with him at the time!
If not… well it looks like he’s just another untrained mouthy prick walking around sticking a target on his back to be sparked out by someone who knows what they’re doing.

But that’s illegal he’ll think!!
I’m protected by law he’ll wail!!!!!

Yeah right… you seen any bobbies on the beat recently??
No me neither.

2JFDIYOLO · 08/02/2025 15:38

He's reached the age where 'young people today ...'

Was he in a position of power once, such as ex policeman, former manager, teacher?

Has he lost power and influence?

Does he just not have enough to do? Retired early, no longer doing his sport or hobby? Is he bored?

Or is it just that men have two choices - become Victor Meldrew or become a Last of the Summer Wine naughty boy?

Thighdentitycrisis · 08/02/2025 15:38

Is it something to do with aging? Like he’s started remembering (mistakenly ) that everything was better in the old days when people showed some respect for others

Bestthriller · 08/02/2025 15:39

Married 2 years? Oh dear

Original poster
Viveladifference · 08/02/2025 15:43

Thank you for the replies.
He's reduced his hours at work. Been ill recently, so he can't keep fit like he used to do. He was once a keen cyclist but can't do this now. He's probably frustrated with this and too much time on his hands. I don't know.
I don't want a Victor Meldrew!

OP posts:
Snugglemonkey · 08/02/2025 15:45

I could not stand the embarrassment!

outerspacepotato · 08/02/2025 15:57

Buy him a t shirt with the old man yells at cloud on it. Name it and shame it.

He sounds like he's got too much time and too little to do to occupy him other than get up in people's business and that's not going to end well.

Can he ride a stationary bike or get on a rower? Lift some weights? You can set up a basic home gym pretty cheap.

SnappyPeachMentor · 08/02/2025 15:57

Could it be undiagnosed ND or autism? Combined with male privilege it can be a toxic combination. If he's lost his work routine this may pretty much be your life going forward.

If you're walking off, and have explained you feel embarrassed, and he isn't even acknowledging this, and is making it all about HIM....

How long have you known him?

I have traits myself/tend to notice the details of things. Especially when I'm anxious I have a tendency to talk shit.

As a petite, single, low-status woman, if I mouth off my opinions at people in public I will get completely ostracised/ignored/attacked. Or I'll get kicked out of friendship groups. So I don't.

As an older man with a successful career and a wife, so a certain amount of status, "correcting" people probably doesn't get a negative reaction as much.

Not sure its going to get any better unfortunately.

I've seen older men (my late father, sadly, included) where they get so worked up/anxious/obsessive over irrelevant things that they really are better off solo. For everyone's peace of mind.

There's guys at my workplace who have to come back/refuse to retire as they are so "difficult" that they have to be somewhere they can follow new people around and correct them. Wives refuse to have them at home.

They're normal looking, good salaries, have everything going for them on paper. Pretty much the ideal bachelor for someone looking for a husband.

But there's that tendency to get into other people's space/randomly give aggressive lectures/word salads on things that are nothing to do with them.

DeclineandFall · 08/02/2025 16:02

He's behaving like he's on his bike and annoyed with drivers and people around him. Except he's not speeding past his bike and just comes across as a wanker.

Miaowzabella · 08/02/2025 16:02

There's guys at my workplace who have to come back/refuse to retire as they are so "difficult" that they have to be somewhere they can follow new people around and correct them. Wives refuse to have them at home.

How can your employer afford to run a drop-in centre for grumpy old men?

Dror · 08/02/2025 16:03

At only 2 years in you now know what your future looks like with this man.

He'll only get worse. Has he started instructing you to do what he wants?