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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husband interferes in other people's business

62 replies

Viveladifference · 08/02/2025 15:15

Hi, I hope you can help me make sense of this. Sometimes my husband interferes in other people's business when we are out. E.g When we're out walking he motions to people they are driving too fast, they haven't indicated when he's walking along the road and a car is pulling out, tells people to put their dogs on a lead etc There's the potential for confrontation and I'm on pins about how people are going to react.
He says I'm too passive.

OP posts:
Viveladifference · 09/02/2025 10:20

@HopingForTheBest25 I more or less gave him an ultimatum about this last night: he changes or I'm not sure if I can go out anywhere with him.
He has apologised and thinks he isn't as bad as I say. He doesn't do it all the time but I'm just in guard because of the few times he has done it.

OP posts:
Creameded · 09/02/2025 10:27

He's a righteousness pain in the arse know it all.

It will only get worse.
People will avoid you as a couple.
They really will.

Why have you married him?
You have a really lonely future in front of you.

Take this very seriously and get away from him.

Honestly if I came across some 59 year old sticking his nose in my business I would take a photo and report him.

He is harassing people.
This is not someone you want to be long term.
He will isolate you.

Viveladifference · 09/02/2025 10:27

@Bestthriller I have a lot of friends and I work part time. So, I'll just see more of my friends if this behaviour continues. Not great.
We've been in a lovely, loved up bubble until recently. I'm sure he wasn't like this until now.
My fear is he will get worse but we've talked all yesterday evening and he is upset that he's upset me and said he'll change. We'll see. But at the moment I'm not going anywhere with him for a few days because I'm worried it will happen again straightaway and I need some distance from the situation at the moment.

OP posts:
Viveladifference · 09/02/2025 11:05

@Creameded it's ok. I will definitely not let him isolate me. I was on my own for a long time and built a strong network of friends. I will continue to see them in my own if he can't be trusted to be normal. I won't be embarrassed in front of my friends. That hasn't happened yet. He's always been really lovely around them so far.

OP posts:
Viveladifference · 09/02/2025 11:06

He isn't really harassing people, he's standing up for what he thinks is right...

OP posts:
HopingForTheBest25 · 09/02/2025 11:12

He's got to appreciate that the kind of people who are disrespectful of socially acceptable behaviour aren't likely to change because he tells them to. The only way it can end is in conflict - it's only a matter of time before he comes across an aggressive person. Would he be more likely to change if you explain that you're worried about his safety?

Precipice · 09/02/2025 11:13

This doesn't really sound like interfering in other people's business to me. Interfering in other people's business would be things that don't involve him at all, like going up to someone with a child and telling them the child isn't dressed warmly enough.

Dogs off lead and beyond owner's control are everyone's business, because they're a danger. The dog may be placid and under control, but even more likely, the owner is one of those 'it's all right, he's friendly' as their rabid dog jumps up towards your terrified child. People making the roads (more) dangerous than they have to be are also everyone's concern, including the pedestrians who is at a risk of being run over by a car that suddenly turns without signalling.

Viveladifference · 09/02/2025 11:25

A bit of context: we live in an area that is becoming increasingly full of anti social behaviour. Every time we go out we see something that's frustrating. We've contacted the right channels to report things.

OP posts:
Viveladifference · 09/02/2025 13:52

@HopingForTheBest25 and @Precipice that's exactly it. It's anti social behaviour and people driving without any care about pedestrians. Some things you only notice when you don't use your car as much! Since we've both gone part time we walk more and you end up seeing things that are anti social. It's difficult. The thing is, he's finding it more difficult to not say anything. We would both step in if we thought someone was in danger.
We've talked it through and I've told him how worried I am that he's going to get into an altercation, so hopefully he'll just try to refrain from saying anything.
Thank you all for taking time to reply.

OP posts:
TipsyJoker · 09/02/2025 14:32

Who made him the moral arbitrator of society? Tell him to shut the fuck up because he sounds like a dickhead.

Bestthriller · 09/02/2025 14:47

Viveladifference · 09/02/2025 11:06

He isn't really harassing people, he's standing up for what he thinks is right...

So in that case, you’re on shakey ground if you want him to change

mountainlow · 09/02/2025 17:06

Oh dear, he's turned into Victor Meldrew.

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