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Original poster

I asked him out… handhold?

68 replies

coves · 04/02/2025 14:04

I definitely have anxiety and overthink situations, so I find dating really difficult. I’ve been on and off OLD for years, rarely meet anyone where I feel a proper spark or get excited about but on Friday, I met a guy and honestly just had such a bloody lovely time. We got on great, chat was flowing, laughing, odd touches here and there. He kissed me goodnight, then went back in for a ‘proper’ kiss so I was feeling amazing!

He was quieter over the weekend, and the flirty banter we’d had in the run up to the date felt like it had dropped off a bit… but benefit of the doubt and all, it was the weekend and he sounded busy so I just followed his lead on texting and wasn’t too ‘full on’. I asked him if he wanted to do something again and he said ‘definitely! Let’s sort something when we’re both child free’ which I know isn’t until next weekend for us both so I haven’t mentioned it again.

Buuut I’ve ended up with a random weeknight child free this week, and I’ve been going back and forth on whether to ask him if he’s free or not… I don’t want to come across too keen, but at the same time I feel like what have I got to lose! If he’s not interested, he can just say. So I’ve asked him and now I’m in the awful nervous anxious limbo waiting for a reply…

OP posts:
Rowen32 · 04/02/2025 15:01

Oh gosh, good luck, it pays to be brave!!

Original poster
coves · 04/02/2025 15:09

No reply yet but it’s a work day and he did say he was having a busy day… eek!

OP posts:
NotAScoobyDoo2 · 04/02/2025 15:18

Sometimes it's hard to tell whether someone is genuinely busy or giving you the quiet brush off. Either way, it's good to take a chance.

If he doesn't come back to you, it's not the end of the world and you've learnt something valuable about yourself. If he does, you'll have a lovely time on your second date. I hope it works out.

SpringBunnyHopHop · 04/02/2025 15:21

I wouldn’t have asked him. You’re coming across as too keen.

Usually after a good date men ramp up the communication not drop off.

Original poster
coves · 04/02/2025 15:21

That’s exactly how I’m trying to see it! If he’s actually not that interested, at least I’ll know sooner rather than later as the thought of being in this limbo til next weekend is stressing me out. I hate this stage of dating!

Not sure why I’m even getting myself so worked up about this as he said he wanted to do something again and to sort something when we’re child free, which is what I’m suggesting… but still! Argh.

OP posts:
Original poster
coves · 04/02/2025 15:22

@SpringBunnyHopHop if I hadn’t asked him then he would assume I wasn’t child free til next weekend as we’d already discussed our schedules etc?

OP posts:
Original poster
coves · 04/02/2025 15:23

Also I’m not sure how bothered I am about coming across as ‘too keen’ - he’s either interested or he isn’t and if me being ‘too keen’ is the deciding factor then ultimately it wasn’t meant to be anyway!

OP posts:
SpringBunnyHopHop · 04/02/2025 15:25

I don’t know ‘Let’s sort something….’ sounds like a bit of a brush off to me. Plus you’re saying he’s dropped off a bit.

You came here asking for opinions so that’s what you’re getting.

Mushmemellow · 04/02/2025 15:25

coves · 04/02/2025 15:23

Also I’m not sure how bothered I am about coming across as ‘too keen’ - he’s either interested or he isn’t and if me being ‘too keen’ is the deciding factor then ultimately it wasn’t meant to be anyway!

That’s a good attitude to have, but fingers crossed he surprises you!

Original poster
coves · 04/02/2025 15:27

@SpringBunnyHopHop he was the same when we arranged the first date, left the finer details til the day before so I don’t think he’s a planner. Didn’t ask if I should ask him or not - I already have, just wanted some support whilst I wait!

OP posts:
Original poster
coves · 04/02/2025 16:07

Argh still nothing but I know he’s at work! I WFH so I’m glued to my phone and know not everyone else is.. going to hide my phone and busy myself for a while!

OP posts:
CatTV · 04/02/2025 16:27

Good idea, hide your phone and try and distract yourself! Let us know how you get on! Fingers crossed!

Bubblyb00b · 04/02/2025 17:23

I would say give him till tomorrow. If he doesn't answer then you have your answer. If he answers late, or indecisive, you have your answer.

TBH, eve if he is busy I would have expected at least a quick note saying cool, lets agree later. But I accept he must be at work, with kids, whatever. However, there would be nothing stopping him replying tonight. So, yes. If there is no answer by tomorrow, he is not interested.

Original poster
coves · 04/02/2025 19:50

Still nothing… :( starting to feel a little disheartened! I’m confused why this happened when the date felt like it went so well and he initiated the kiss. He’s either just exceptionally busy this week which is coincidentally poor timing following out date, or he just isn’t interested. It’s so deflating.

OP posts:
Allelbowsandtoes · 04/02/2025 19:55

coves · 04/02/2025 19:50

Still nothing… :( starting to feel a little disheartened! I’m confused why this happened when the date felt like it went so well and he initiated the kiss. He’s either just exceptionally busy this week which is coincidentally poor timing following out date, or he just isn’t interested. It’s so deflating.

Oh no that sucks! Tbh I'd be thinking now that he's not interested, you'd have thought he'd have looked at his phone at some point after work.

Very disappointing when that happens after what felt like a brilliant date at the time but please don't tie yourself up in knots thinking about why.....there could be any number of reasons, none of them your fault 💙

Onwards and upwards x

Original poster
coves · 04/02/2025 20:07

He replied saying sorry and that it’s been a nightmare of a day, asked how mine was and then said ‘unfortunately I already have plans in for Thursday, sorry’ … no counter offer of another day he’s free etc, so I’m taking that as not interested. Glad I know now!

OP posts:
Original poster
coves · 04/02/2025 20:10

Actually now I’m just bloody confused! I said I thought I’d been ghosted, thinking it’d give him the opportunity to say actually, let’s just leave it but instead he’s said no, apologised again and said he’s not been in a great mood due to something with his DC and ex. If he wasn’t interested, me asking him out again would have been the best time to just say that but he’s continuing the conversation…. Argh, I’m not cut out for dating!

OP posts:
BlackBean2023 · 04/02/2025 20:12

coves · 04/02/2025 20:10

Actually now I’m just bloody confused! I said I thought I’d been ghosted, thinking it’d give him the opportunity to say actually, let’s just leave it but instead he’s said no, apologised again and said he’s not been in a great mood due to something with his DC and ex. If he wasn’t interested, me asking him out again would have been the best time to just say that but he’s continuing the conversation…. Argh, I’m not cut out for dating!

Leave it now OP, he's not interested. Chuck him back.

LuluBlakey1 · 04/02/2025 20:15

You need to stop. You are over-invested in this man. He's not that bothered. Every word and signal since the date has told you that. And he has ex problems that make him moody. Don't go there.

riverislandjeans · 04/02/2025 20:15

It doesn't mean he's not interested. He might actually be busy Thursday!

I wouldn't ask again though however and see if he asks you! Then you'll definitely know.

Good luck!

GoldenSunflowers · 04/02/2025 20:18

You were brave and you asked. It didn’t work out for this week but all is not lost. If he doesn’t sound more enthusiastic next time, you’ll know.

Original poster
coves · 04/02/2025 20:22

Yep, going to leave ball in his court to ask about doing something next but I’m still going to chat to him and see how it goes. He’s just sent a voice note and it sounds like something fairly stressful is going on with work and with his DC so I’m going to be understanding and see what happens.

OP posts:
MrsHamster123 · 04/02/2025 20:24

I don't think you've been ghosted. It sounds like this man is dealing with a number of things right now and is likely stressed.
I'd probably finish up by saying you enjoyed meeting up, totally understand about his situation and to let you know when he's next free. Then leave it at that and the ball is in his court. Don't go chasing again after that. Good luck!

aCatCalledFawkes · 04/02/2025 20:25

But did you tell him that it was a rare childfree night? If so he might assume that you can't do another week night, if your time is limited then he might be waiting for you too. OLD as a whole is very awkward.

I actually have a date on thursday. Due to work commitments on both sides and child issues its been rescheduled once already. We're both adults, if it doesn't happen that's fine but it should be flexible.

Didimum · 04/02/2025 20:26

I this situation, I would something like ‘no worries, let me know what day works for you’, then leave it.

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