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Original poster

Affair advice

69 replies

Lostsoul79 · 03/02/2025 00:08

I am seeking geunine advice from anyone else who has been in a similar position - not judgemental opinions please. I've been having an affair with someone for around 18 months (he's married, I'm engaged) and it's been great until now. I think my partner suspects something, even though we have been careful. What do I do? Cut all contact with my lover? Cool things for a while? I should say that is isn't a purely physical relationship - we have talked about a future together, and the fact that we both feel we are with the wrong people. I feel guilty for what's been going on of course, but doesn't everyone deserve to be happy in our short time here? Helpful advice only please, TIA.

OP posts:
TipsyJoker · 03/02/2025 00:11

😂😂😂😂 end your engagement and stop fucking married men. Ffs!

anonny55 · 03/02/2025 00:11

Lostsoul79 · 03/02/2025 00:08

I am seeking geunine advice from anyone else who has been in a similar position - not judgemental opinions please. I've been having an affair with someone for around 18 months (he's married, I'm engaged) and it's been great until now. I think my partner suspects something, even though we have been careful. What do I do? Cut all contact with my lover? Cool things for a while? I should say that is isn't a purely physical relationship - we have talked about a future together, and the fact that we both feel we are with the wrong people. I feel guilty for what's been going on of course, but doesn't everyone deserve to be happy in our short time here? Helpful advice only please, TIA.

Yep of course you deserve to be happy, but in the meantime your causing a load of unhappiness,betrayal and upset to 2 other people. Why can't you both just leave your partners?

Newbie8918 · 03/02/2025 00:13

Leave your fiancé! They don't deserve this. No one does.

It doesn't really matter what the future holds with your lover, there is no love or respect in your current relationship, or you wouldn't have chosen this path.

Time to move on and allow your fiancé some happiness!

Dandelionwishes345 · 03/02/2025 00:15

Yes everyone deserves to be happy. This includes your partner. Surely you would both be happier if you left your partner and stopped stringing him along. Why are you still with him if you know he’s the wrong person for you?

TipsyJoker · 03/02/2025 00:15

I really hope the married man doesn’t have any children.

Lavender14 · 03/02/2025 00:18

When you say you're talking about a future and you believe you're with the wrong person- what do you actually want a future with this person to look like? And out of curiosity, why do you still have a fiancé? If you know the person you're going to marry isn't the right person, then affair aside - why are you still with them? Why not end your relationship. So you can do what you want without having to lie and hide it from a partner at least from your end? Whether or not your affair partner leaves their spouse is up to them, but if you know you're not with the right person why would you tie your life to them?

Split from your partner, focus on yourself and being more fulfilled in life. I'd ideally tell you to end it with the affair partner as well because they rarely end marriages for the other woman and even if they did you'll know their values are inherently flawed. Focus on you outside of both of these people would be my advice and you might find that actually you need neither of them and there's better out there for you.

Original poster
Lostsoul79 · 03/02/2025 00:23

I should have mentioned, for additional context, that we both have children - so it's not at all easy to just leave our partners. I've been engaged for 10 years now, and honestly can't see us getting married. I don't want to hurt him, but I've been seriously considering who I should be with. Has anyone here felt they've met their soulmate, who wasn't their partner?

OP posts:
Babyghirl · 03/02/2025 00:25

Do you think asking nicely for non judgemental comments is going to stop them yea right, so your planning on leaving ur partner but just not yet, you keeping him for safety in case your bit on the side dosnt end his marriage for you, well news flash even if he does leave his wife dosnt mean you won, cause you will be next to be dumped for a newer model, I feel sorry on the 2 clueless partners

Newbie8918 · 03/02/2025 00:27

Lostsoul79 · 03/02/2025 00:23

I should have mentioned, for additional context, that we both have children - so it's not at all easy to just leave our partners. I've been engaged for 10 years now, and honestly can't see us getting married. I don't want to hurt him, but I've been seriously considering who I should be with. Has anyone here felt they've met their soulmate, who wasn't their partner?

Edited

You sound really selfish!

mainecooncatonahottinroof · 03/02/2025 00:28

You need to make your mind up here. It doesn't sound like you want to be with your fiance, so come clean and end the relationship!

Lavender14 · 03/02/2025 00:30

I think you need to think about what you want your kids to grow up seeing - you in a dissatisfied relationship where you're lying and sneaking about regularly and possibly having to go through the trauma of watching an affair being uncovered? Or you and their father co parenting separately and treating each other with respect? You're their blue print for a healthy, boundaried relationship so you need to think very carefully about what you want that blue print to look like. If you're seperated and you decide to go on seeing your affair partner then that's potentially emotionally safer for your children.

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 03/02/2025 00:31

Oh ffs grow up

Icanflyhigh · 03/02/2025 00:33

TipsyJoker · 03/02/2025 00:11

😂😂😂😂 end your engagement and stop fucking married men. Ffs!

This.

AcquadiP · 03/02/2025 00:34

Call me cynical but try this (without actually doing it.) Tell your married lover that you've decided to tell your fiancee that the engagement is over, you're
not happy and you want to move on with your life. Then tell your married lover how happy you are that you and he are going to be together; and ask when will he be telling his wife? I bet a month's salary he'll look extremely uncomfortable and come up with some excuse as why that's not possible at the moment. Isn't that the reason you're still with your fiance because at some subconscious level you already know this? Also, this man is cheating on his wife, at some point he will cheat on you. Your fiance and this man's wife both deserve someone better.

Notimeforaname · 03/02/2025 00:35

If this is genuine, come clean to your partner. Not only are you cheating, you know he suspects it so you're also just fucking with his head on top of it, wondering how else you can hurt and lie to him. You're a pig.

Dandelionwishes345 · 03/02/2025 00:36

You’ve already hurt him by having the affair though haven’t you? You said you think he suspects something so he obviously knows somethings not right. Surely it would be kinder to everyone to leave your partner so he can also have a chance at happiness with someone who doesn’t think is wrong for them.

Notimeforaname · 03/02/2025 00:37

Your soul mate is a lying cheater?

TipsyJoker · 03/02/2025 00:37

This reply has been deleted

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MrsTerryPratchett · 03/02/2025 00:37

Lostsoul79 · 03/02/2025 00:23

I should have mentioned, for additional context, that we both have children - so it's not at all easy to just leave our partners. I've been engaged for 10 years now, and honestly can't see us getting married. I don't want to hurt him, but I've been seriously considering who I should be with. Has anyone here felt they've met their soulmate, who wasn't their partner?

Edited

You're not engaged then.

And what do people do who don't love who they are with and meet someone else? They leave.

I do caution you though that 'soul mates' also have faults that you don't see because you aren't in a real relationship.

passtherichteas · 03/02/2025 00:40

Lavender14 · 03/02/2025 00:30

I think you need to think about what you want your kids to grow up seeing - you in a dissatisfied relationship where you're lying and sneaking about regularly and possibly having to go through the trauma of watching an affair being uncovered? Or you and their father co parenting separately and treating each other with respect? You're their blue print for a healthy, boundaried relationship so you need to think very carefully about what you want that blue print to look like. If you're seperated and you decide to go on seeing your affair partner then that's potentially emotionally safer for your children.

This

AlexandrinaH · 03/02/2025 00:41

This poster is the married man.

MrsJHernandez · 03/02/2025 00:42

You surely knew what the advice would be?!

Obviously you don't love your fiance so just end it, regardless of what happens with your "lover". He deserves better than you.

Your fiance also deserves to be happy, and if that's not with you (which it clearly isn't), then you need to set him free so he can be with someone who doesn't lie to his face every single day.

No one here is going to cheer you on, or give you advice so you can keep deceiving your poor fiance. No one cares about you in this scenario. You're so selfish. End it.

Raynexxbow · 03/02/2025 00:43

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AlexandrinaH · 03/02/2025 00:44

This is a man everyone.

AlexandrinaH · 03/02/2025 00:44

This poster is the married man. NOT the woman he is purporting to be.

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