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Original poster

After a long term break up did you ever imagine you were a virgin again?

63 replies

Pulsechange · 02/02/2025 22:20

I’ve been through a (very) long term relationship break up (and the birth of a child) and if I’m honest the sex was never good. I’m surprised I stayed so long but I guess I’m more loyal than I thought. Anyway. We’re done and I’ve gone through a whole load of psychological changes. One thing that I feel now is that I want the next time I have a sexual encounter to be really special. Like I am losing my virginity again. Even though when I lost my virginity the first time I was 15 and it was casual and underwhelming. This time I want it to be romantic, special, with rose petals and candles. I’ll provide these for the right lover, I’m not expecting them to just fall from the sky…

Anyone else feel like this?

OP posts:
McSpoot · 02/02/2025 22:22

No

INeedAnotherName · 02/02/2025 22:31

No.

You should get some counselling in before you date again as your expectations are too high and you will (very probably) crash and burn. That is not a healthy way to live, for you, him or your child.

LightDrizzle · 02/02/2025 22:34

No.

BatchCookBabe · 02/02/2025 22:34

Odd question. No. Confused Why would anyone do that? Confused

Gardeninging · 02/02/2025 22:35

Umm.....
Reporting post?.

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 02/02/2025 22:38

Wtf?! Ha ha. No

Mangoesintoapub · 02/02/2025 22:40

I can’t imagine this.

I can imagine having sex for the first time after the end of a long term relationship being a big deal
and it sounds sensible not to rush into anything.

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 02/02/2025 22:41

Check out some of the dating threads to see the calibre of gentleman that you’re likely to encounter these days. Spoiler alert, candles and rose petals would be wasted on 99% of them. The other 1% are probably married.

DoComeToMeKitty · 02/02/2025 22:41

What have I just read?!

Original poster
Pulsechange · 02/02/2025 22:43

Interesting. Not my people here. Totally different reaction to my irl friends. I’ve got friends who have decided they were virgins again… this isn’t a thing most women do if they have been in a bad relationship? I know you might think my expectations are high but that’s for good reason. My self respect is back after years of accepting rubbish. I think a lot of people don’t appreciate themselves enough to set their expectations high… also make an effort to get something better.

OP posts:
coralsky · 02/02/2025 22:44

You can't become a virgin again, don't be so ridiculous.
And rose petals and candles would give me the ick tbh

NowThatYouSayIt · 02/02/2025 22:44

That was a Madonna song from the eighties, OP.

Original poster
Pulsechange · 02/02/2025 22:44

SnowflakeSmasher86 · 02/02/2025 22:41

Check out some of the dating threads to see the calibre of gentleman that you’re likely to encounter these days. Spoiler alert, candles and rose petals would be wasted on 99% of them. The other 1% are probably married.

Who said anything about it being a man? I’m bisexual so it could be a woman, or a trans man, or trans woman. I’ve met some lovely single men too, though.

OP posts:
Tittat50 · 02/02/2025 22:44

Are you a man pulse change?

Original poster
Pulsechange · 02/02/2025 22:46

Tittat50 · 02/02/2025 22:44

Are you a man pulse change?

People always ask me that on mumsnet. I’m not, I’m a woman. I really am! A quite small woman with a child and a normal life.

OP posts:
SchrodingersTwat2 · 02/02/2025 22:57

No. How very weird.

WhereElse · 02/02/2025 22:58

God no

TwistedWonder · 02/02/2025 22:59

Absolutely not and that’s a very bizarre thing to think imo

Alpacas · 02/02/2025 23:01

After a long dry spell, I felt like one down there when I finally got down to it 😊

NowThatYouSayIt · 02/02/2025 23:03

Pulsechange · 02/02/2025 22:43

Interesting. Not my people here. Totally different reaction to my irl friends. I’ve got friends who have decided they were virgins again… this isn’t a thing most women do if they have been in a bad relationship? I know you might think my expectations are high but that’s for good reason. My self respect is back after years of accepting rubbish. I think a lot of people don’t appreciate themselves enough to set their expectations high… also make an effort to get something better.

Bluntly, OP, stop fetishising a bit of skin you probably broke riding a bike when you were twelve. Why are you equating virginity with self-respect?

By all means have high standards! But there’s no correlation between having high standards for future relationship and the state of your hymen!

BatchCookBabe · 02/02/2025 23:04

😂

weathervane1 · 02/02/2025 23:04

Clearly you can't regain and relive your virginity, but in the context of wanting your next time to be special, I don't see why you can't at least plan for something romantic on both your parts. Don't wrap it up in words like virginity but use it to explore what you like, aim for decent communication, express your desires for each other openly, listen to each others words and bodies - in other words, be loving and respectful, don't rush it.

In my experience, sex is better when you're on the same page rather than trying to make up for an underwhelming first time. Most of our first times are memorable for all the wrong reasons. At least mine was.

Herbologistinwaiting · 02/02/2025 23:04

You want to be a virgin again but don’t mind if it’s a trans man or woman? How odd.

Gymsharkmum · 02/02/2025 23:06

Pulsechange · 02/02/2025 22:43

Interesting. Not my people here. Totally different reaction to my irl friends. I’ve got friends who have decided they were virgins again… this isn’t a thing most women do if they have been in a bad relationship? I know you might think my expectations are high but that’s for good reason. My self respect is back after years of accepting rubbish. I think a lot of people don’t appreciate themselves enough to set their expectations high… also make an effort to get something better.

Why would anyone want to be a virgin? That’s just very weird OP

Sugarnspicenallthingsnaice · 02/02/2025 23:07

Good on you for wanting to apply the lessons you've learned from your last relationship. If that means your standards will be a lot higher next time, and you avoid intimacy until you've found someone you think is really special, fantastic. That sounds really healthy. And there's nothing wrong with creating a romantic setting.

But if you actually mean role playing being a virgin, that is very unusual and could put a lot of people off.

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