After a long term break up did you ever imagine you were a virgin again?

[Pulsechange]

I’ve been through a (very) long term relationship break up (and the birth of a child) and if I’m honest the sex was never good. I’m surprised I stayed so long but I guess I’m more loyal than I thought. Anyway. We’re done and I’ve gone through a whole load of psychological changes. One thing that I feel now is that I want the next time I have a sexual encounter to be really special. Like I am losing my virginity again. Even though when I lost my virginity the first time I was 15 and it was casual and underwhelming. This time I want it to be romantic, special, with rose petals and candles. I’ll provide these for the right lover, I’m not expecting them to just fall from the sky…

Anyone else feel like this?

There we go, one comrade.

It’s been a really long time of either no sex or when in a bad relationship, underwhelming sex that did nothing. Really, really long time. I remember being younger and with other people, sex was better… often when not actually in a relationship. I fell for the whole “normal, man+woman” thing where you cohabit and call yourself partners.

Take all of the experience, good and bad, that your previous sexual encounters have given you and take responsibility for your own pleasure

Don't put up with bad sex. You know better because you're not going into this for the first time.

This reads like a bloke. Women just don't think like this.

Hi there. I certainly wouldn’t role play being a virgin. It definitely wouldn’t work with my very obvious c-section scar. However, I think that I can reset my mind to imagine that I want it to be as special as if it were for the first time. Because anything less is not good enough. I settled and now I’m not going to. I want passion, respect, boundaries and courtesy… not just bang bang bang… who knows how this will pan out but this is my way of being more empowered and yet also intimate in a relationship.

It’s been so long since my shit marriage ended in divorce I feel like it’s been superglued shut and not even a lorry load of rose petals will tempt me to open up shop again 😆

No.
You can definitely plan it differently but cannot change the fact you are no longer a virgin.
Especially as you have a child.

Make sure that you find him really attractive, lots of chemistry otherwise you may be disappointed.

100% this. ^ OP is definitely a man.

Thanks, I get this a lot. It puzzles
me why. Maybe women and men have similar/the same brains and thinking capacity, and therefore the idea that someone can sound when writing like a man or a woman is actually a cultural construct?

But for most people/women the first time isn’t special. Why are you fetishising virginity like this?

For many it will have been disappointing, anti climactic, even painful. It isn’t usually some magical romantic moment with violins and champagne.

That stuff comes later with an experienced and confident lover.

It’s just such a weird way to look at sex. Some of the best sex I’ve had has been with long term partners, once we know each other intimately, and can read the cues. Not the sex I had at 18 fumbling with an equally inexperienced teenage boy. Its an odd thing to romanticise, hence the replies you’ve had.

That’s my main aim, to find chemistry with someone. It’s not worth it otherwise.

Yeah, I do wonder why you 'get this a lot.' People (on here) thinking you're a man........ ???

No.

I have never imagined this, and I think it is a really weird thing to imagine.

If you just want to take things slower in future relationships that is totally normal. But imagining that your hymen has regrown is not normal.

I’ve got friends who have decided they were virgins again

Female friends?

Never heard anything like this... ever!

And I'm an old fucker!

@BatchCookBabe Indeed. I think someone's trying to fill up the wank bank.

😂 Yeah - that's what I thought!

Exactly. No woman EVER pretends to be a virgin again.

Stupid thread! 😆

Yeah, you’re a man.

No. Never felt like that. Be g a virgin has nothing to do with good sex (quite literally).

OK, I don’t need to prove myself to a load of women on here who either think I’m weird, a man or both. I am genuinely a woman though!

I’m surprised people don’t reset their minds to imagine a hopeful scenario in the future, psychological virginity restored after mind numbingly bad sex.. not a thing here? You’re probably missing out. I think it’s great and whoever I end up with/have as my next lover will enjoy the candles and scent of rose petals!

Ditto. I’m pushing 60 and this is a bew, and very strange fetish for me

One of the most bizarre threads I’ve seen on here

Yeah, a man telling women they're doing sex wrong. We see you.

I joke that I'm "basically a virgin again" having been single (as in totally, no sex) for 5 years. But I don't actually think I am.

Having previously had a similar period of drought, having sex again for the first time was nothing like losing my virginity.

@vikingnorthutsiresouthutsire I don't think like this it's such a bizarre post.

Sorry Viking, didn't mean to quote your whole post.