Where do you meet men nowadays?

[ThePerkyCoralPoet]

I’m nearly 30 and at my wits end with the dating scene. I’ve had therapy to help me move on from a bad relationship. I’ve worked on myself.

I hate the dating apps. And to be truthful the men aren’t really even my type. The men I find more my type are probably down at the supermarket or petrol station!! Fitness is so important so I figured I’d join a gym (normally I’d only do my Pilates and yoga). But again who approaches anyone at the gym

I feel utterly helpless. Sometimes I just want a fling and call it a day but I can’t even get that right now either 😂

As a man who goes to those clubs - yes, the male/ female ratio is definitely in your favour. You need to like nerds/ introverts though!

Bumble is where I met mine. Took 3 years. On and off. I was no filter photos. I was unapologetically me. I didn’t do false compliments ‘hey babe you look smazing’etc and checked in about their last relationships, relationship with children - asked what the last book they read was followed up by a question about it etc

I didn’t ghost, but wasn’t available every day. I knew what I wanted. I asked how his day was but expected and listened for him to tell me about his interests and the boring bits eg hoovering. Sexting was out. He had to phone when he said he would etc he had to have a good relationship with his ex but not too good - and I was listening 👂 for red flags or moaning it about anything.

For me art galleries etc or night courses - even local history group all over 60 and I wasn’t in that age range.

I wanted a brain. A kind soul. A man who did his fair share and more.

It took 3 years but I met him. First date was tea and cake and walk by the sea near me - he made the effort he brought the tea. Second date national trust property near me- I used my NT card he brought lunch, he says his second date he fell in love with me and wanted to be with me for good - it took me a bit longer. Both of us have children, and dogs. I have an ex, a bit of a douche but he listens and doesn’t offer an opinion unless asked. But when ex is being a twat he just makes the tea, dinner etc

He cleans the microwave and doesn’t say ‘I’ve cleaned this for you’ etc

I have a stressful job, he works from home and I come home and dinner is made, house hoovered and if I’ve had a shit day he makes me a bath and asks ‘tea or gin’ they are out there. He was disheartened with bumble as so many people didn’t reply or do anything - he paid £3 K to go with a good dating agency just before we met on bumble. He had one date with them. If it hadn’t of worked out for him he would have gone on more.

Male hobbies - piff. They belong to everyone - do what you fancy.

I agree with comic con, me personally I’m a bit geeky so I would have done a steam engine course or something or volunteered there.

Give bumble a go / I didn’t pay or sign up to a dating agency - a proper one.

If you are in a big city I think you can still meet people on nights out - I know a few women in their 20s who were successful over the last few years. Padel events and any kind of sport also attracts a decent number of men, but I think gym is quite tricky so perhaps CrossFit or something in your local park. I would also try out a park run before dismissing it. Finding something regular to go to week after week would be ideal for meeting new people.

I do think expanding your social circle is key and also letting everyone in your network know you are single and open to dating someone.

Places I’ve ended up chatting to stranger men in the last year;
Business networking event
running group
cold swimming event
tennis group
London after work kicks out (x 5!)

I never get chatting to men at yoga, Pilates or a coffee house.

In the real world men aren't allowed to approach women anymore either in the gyms, supermarkets etc. The nice guys are afraid to do this due to a number of societal factors. It's a hideous situation. The sex pests that have no scruples don't help the dating scene. Up your flirting game maybe. Smile at a man you like, approach and ask for a date. Very last century I know. Good luck 🤞

People I know met their partners in walking groups, online, salsa, or a few couples met at work.

Most women in their 40s (OP and PP are in late twenties, and mid thirties so hypothetically) would be still raising young kids if not having them ...not sure dating much older would be a good fit for that lifestyle /weekends out tend to be with primary age and early/mid teens etc .....

@ThePerkyCoralPoet , the italian class idea was just off currently catching up on watching Emily in Paris , so maybe not realistic, but if you go by art imitating life as a thing then , Emily met men she was attracted to at -

> neighbourhood - french guy living in the flat below, who she asks for help around the building, then dropping in at the local restuarant /cafe where he works to hang out in evenings
> Joins the french class and meets a British guy in Paris for work there
> Nights out with a girlfriend whom she meets and friends at the park so yes widen social circle first - supporting the girl pal who is a singer at the clubs
> Work - as long as no unmanaged conflict of interest

Hope this helps

yes to those who said just make more male friends, then when you feel an attraction , dont hesitate to make a subtle first move

this is all based on my early twenties of course, which was a long time ago , so ignore if not valid in today's world :-)

Society has changed considerable since I courted my first young ladies many years ago, in the 60’s and 70’s. I am not at all surprised finding partners these days is a nightmare. Just watch the news. Internet dating is also a mine field, I’ve written to many ladies who the sites claim to have read my profile most don’t even reply, do they really exist or are they recycled profiles? One did and said she didn’t fancy me😳, at least she was honest. Other ladies have given me their phone numbers to text and chat. I consider my self lucky to have met 2 ladies and I message several regularly. I’m getting fed up with dating apps, does anyone know any good ones Good luck for the future and I hope you find your partner.