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Original poster

What you dump over this?

57 replies

Revitalise42 · 22/01/2025 16:20

Boyfriend of 3ish months was away for the weekend “with the lads”. After he came home he was telling me all about it and how they were playing a drinking game and his question was to name the best, worst and craziest ‘shag’ of his life and why they were so. He was delighted to say of course he named me as the best. I was absolutely affronted, we are in our late 30s, we aren’t teenagers. I asked him who he named for the other 2 and he told me. I felt it was so distasteful and disrespectful to firstly talk about any woman in that way but also to talk in the way he was while in a relationship? He thinks I’m overreacting and said it was all just a laugh

OP posts:
Kebabbky · 22/01/2025 16:31

Ugh… I would feel exactly the same way, so basic and disrespectful.

HellonHeels · 22/01/2025 16:34

That wouldn't appeal to me at all.

SnugCoralFinch · 22/01/2025 16:35

Idk women talk about stuff like that too, not always in a tasteful way though 😂

however it’s probably not a great topic to bring up at the very start of a new relationship.

stampin · 22/01/2025 16:38

He thought you'd be flattered. Idiot.

Original poster
Revitalise42 · 22/01/2025 16:43

SnugCoralFinch · 22/01/2025 16:35

Idk women talk about stuff like that too, not always in a tasteful way though 😂

however it’s probably not a great topic to bring up at the very start of a new relationship.

Yeah I guess maybe some women do privately with friends. But it was the sharing it with me as if I would think it was funny?? And then talking about his previous exes too

OP posts:
tanjaav · 22/01/2025 16:46

Trying to see the positives. At least he didn't say you were the worst. ;)

I can see your point of view, though, and yes it's disrespectful, but if copious amounts of alcohol were involved, then it's probably not surprising the level of conversation descended to this sort of thing in a group of lads.

BettyBardMacDonald · 22/01/2025 16:46

Gross. I couldn't be with someone that vulgar and so easily led by crass mates. Bin.

BobbyBiscuits · 22/01/2025 16:47

How tragic. Presumably he thought you'd be chuffed he said you are the best? Tell him straight it's grim and childish and him and his mates should know better. And if they do things like that you have no desire to hear about it as it's fucking pathetic.

TankFlyBossWalkJamNittyGrittyIAmFromAMidSizeCity · 22/01/2025 16:48

Groups of friends having that type of conversation after a few drinks is one thing.

Coming back to you all delighted to tell you that he named you best shag is another, and it would put me right off.

Chuchoter · 22/01/2025 16:51

It's one thing to have locker room chat with his male friends whilst under the influence of alcohol but to repeat it when stone cold solder to his stony faced girlfriend is a recipe for disaster.

I would not be amused in the slightest.

It's only three months so you're only just getting a feel for what he's really like so I would let this one go.

Hoppy34 · 22/01/2025 16:51

It is cringe and distasteful? Yeah. Would I dump over it ? No.

Id say my peace that i found it disrespectful and move on from it.

Viviennemary · 22/01/2025 16:55

Just sounds like you are unsuited for a longer term relationship together. He regarded as a bit of daft fun with his friends and you are upset and miserable. Probably better he hadn't told you about it.

MightyGoldBear · 22/01/2025 16:55

Yeah it's not great behavior. Very immature and I'd be concerned about his friends influence on him. What are the things they discussed/did they he hasn't told you about. Does he pull up his friends for inappropriate behaviour and vice versa or is it all accepted as the norm and they keep eachothers secrets?

I'd be concerned he didn't have much integrity. Its the version of him that he is when he is alone or with the "guys" that would make me feel unsafe in the relationship.

To rate women like that I'd certainly not be feeling he had any real depth to him. Is it typical or out of character for him op?

ConcernedOfClapham · 22/01/2025 16:59

Revitalise42 · 22/01/2025 16:20

Boyfriend of 3ish months was away for the weekend “with the lads”. After he came home he was telling me all about it and how they were playing a drinking game and his question was to name the best, worst and craziest ‘shag’ of his life and why they were so. He was delighted to say of course he named me as the best. I was absolutely affronted, we are in our late 30s, we aren’t teenagers. I asked him who he named for the other 2 and he told me. I felt it was so distasteful and disrespectful to firstly talk about any woman in that way but also to talk in the way he was while in a relationship? He thinks I’m overreacting and said it was all just a laugh

Ugh.

I would dump anybody who refers to his friends as 'the lads'.

Maybe it's just me, but that is a right old Fanny-clamper.

TomatoSandwiches · 22/01/2025 17:00

I would no longer find him attractive in the slightest.

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 22/01/2025 17:05

Wouldnt bother me in the slightest to be quite honest. It's stupid, meaningless banter. No,it's not degrading, no I don't have to raise my bar etc. Happily with DH over 30 years together and sadly due to cancer he has now become my carer, and as expected, has undertaken this without a moan or complaint.

blacksax · 22/01/2025 17:07

Ugh. And how does he expect you to be able to look his friends in the face ever again after what he said? Chances are he's totally exaggerated the sexual shenanigans he's got up to with you as well. Ugh again.

stampin · 22/01/2025 17:12

Any lack lustre performances will result in a down grade OP. Sad

Tibbytoo · 22/01/2025 17:17

At 3 months in it’s neither here nor there if you do or don’t. If you don’t like it then dump and move on.

Doggymummar · 22/01/2025 17:19

I would hate that, it's really immature. These guys are late thirties but talking like teens yuk

CarliLove35 · 22/01/2025 17:19

Yuck. This would be the end of the relationship for me. How disrespectful and offensive is he? Tell him to fuck off and find a better person to spend your life with, someone who treats you nicely, and not as a trophy.

MyOpulentDuck · 22/01/2025 17:22

It seems like he’s told you because he thought you’d be happy he called you his best and that he publicly slated ex girlfriends to his mates. A bit misguided probably but it’s not something I would seriously end a relationship over. My DP of five years sometimes says things along those lines and will slag off his ex or say how much happier he is with me etc. I know he only does it to reassure me or something (I don’t need any reassurance I’m quite a secure person!) so I just brush it off

pictoosh · 22/01/2025 17:29

I don't think it's the worst thing in the world, no. I know plenty of women who would revel in such a conversation for a good laugh, especially if drinks had been partaken.
I wouldn't take much note of this as a stand alone problem. If there's more then that's different. If it's just this, meh.

Springflowersmakeforbetterhours · 22/01/2025 17:32

You should have laughed and said that's a coincidence you and your mates were discussing dick sizing and he didn't fair very well....

Greyish2025 · 22/01/2025 17:40

Revitalise42 · 22/01/2025 16:20

Boyfriend of 3ish months was away for the weekend “with the lads”. After he came home he was telling me all about it and how they were playing a drinking game and his question was to name the best, worst and craziest ‘shag’ of his life and why they were so. He was delighted to say of course he named me as the best. I was absolutely affronted, we are in our late 30s, we aren’t teenagers. I asked him who he named for the other 2 and he told me. I felt it was so distasteful and disrespectful to firstly talk about any woman in that way but also to talk in the way he was while in a relationship? He thinks I’m overreacting and said it was all just a laugh

He dosen’t sound like my type of guy.

It was a bit stupid of him to even tell you about game, his friends sound like immature knuckle draggers and most of the time people are as the people they hang around with.

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