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Original poster

My birthday is on Tuesday and he hasn't mentioned any plans

81 replies

Sundaycoffee · 22/01/2025 15:04

Do I have a right to be annoyed or are my expectations too high?
We have been together for just over 6 months and I have already set aside a date for his birthday plans with him that falls the week after mine. He definitely knows when it is.
So far he hasn't asked me to save any date for mine. I already have plans next Friday for my friends birthday night out so this is off the table and I guess I just feel a bit put out that my friends and family are asking to see me on various days next week to celebrate but he's said nothing.
If I were to accept or make plans with every friend or family member that has asked to see me around my birthday I would already be totally booked up all week and he wouldn't see me.

I've been holding off on the hope that he might mention something but now I just feel like should I just go ahead and make all these other plans?
Or do I say to him....erm it's my birthday next week, are we gonna do anything?

OP posts:
Daisy12Maisie · 23/01/2025 19:44

It is usually the birthday person who makes the plans. So for my birthday I'll tell my boyfriend - it's my birthday next week. I would like to do x. It might not necessarily be the exact day I celebrate with him but we will do something. If I didn't suggest it it wouldn't happen.

Mls1984btc · 23/01/2025 20:23

I must be the odd one out as I find it strange that he did not ask you what would you like to do etc show initiatives. His is rather passive - is that how he deal with special occasions and events? 6 months in I'd have throught he would like to impress you as much as possible?

Snowmanscarf · 23/01/2025 20:30

Birthdays aren’t a big deal to some people. Hopefully he’ll have got you a present and card. Does he know you’re expecting him to treat you?

whathaveiforgotten · 24/01/2025 00:54

I just feel bad suggesting we do something as it just feel a bit presumptuous saying "I would like you to take me out for dinner for by birthday, please" Maybe I'm overthinking it!

If he doesn't offer to pay for it, will you be upset? And would you usually go 50/50?

Cant you just word it "what do you fancy doing for my birthday next week? Shall we go out for dinner?"

Then he either offers to pay or doesn't. If he doesn't, surely you can still have a nice time?

Eenameenadeeka · 24/01/2025 01:30

I don't think I'd expect a boyfriend of 6 months to plan a weekend away for a birthday but it sounds like it feels important to you to be treated for your birthday, with your worry over him paying for you. Most people I know make their own birthday plans, is it that you want him to surprise you? That just might not be his personality but it's not something I'd be mad at him for. It's nice that you have so many friends who want to celebrate with you that you could be busy all week. You could either ask everyone to get together for dinner or you could just tell him "hey I had a couple of friends asking to get together for my birthday, just wanted to check with you if you wanted to do anything together next week to celebrate with me before I make other plans"

unfold1 · 24/01/2025 02:21

Mls1984btc · 23/01/2025 20:23

I must be the odd one out as I find it strange that he did not ask you what would you like to do etc show initiatives. His is rather passive - is that how he deal with special occasions and events? 6 months in I'd have throught he would like to impress you as much as possible?

I completely agree with you @Mls1984btc ^

I know some pp’s have said he’s not a mind reader or may not think birthdays are a big deal, but I’d still find it slightly rude odd for him to not ask you what you’d like to do 🤷‍♀️

& I’m the type of person who doesn’t like celebrating my birthday, but if I were in his position I would definitely ask especially as it’s your first birthday together.

However you spend it, hope you have a lovely birthday OP 💐

UnicornWorld · 24/01/2025 02:23

Is it a big birthday OP?

SuperMaybe · 24/01/2025 03:08

Relationships shouldn't be this awkward. If you can't easily speak to him about something so simple then how will you manage with more serious issues.

Don't make him guess what you want either. Just talk to him

Rachmorr57 · 24/01/2025 03:10

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Iaminthefly · 24/01/2025 04:09

So you've booked a load of stuff for his birthday but he's not even asked about yours??

Girl no. Never give a man more than you get back. Ever.

Mls1984btc · 24/01/2025 07:39

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Not planning the birthday of course but tentatively asking what would the OP like to do and get etc surely is not overstepping the mark, especially she has done so for his upcoming birthday?

Maddy70 · 24/01/2025 07:51

I don't plan anything for my own birthday until the day before or on the day. Birthdays aren't s big thing in my friendship group. Yes nudge him if it's important to you

Loopytiles · 24/01/2025 07:57

i don’t understand the ‘reserve the date’ thing but it seems odd to do that for his birthday when it’s so close to yours and he’s not mentioned yours.

At just 6 months I’d probably suggest a meal for two together one day, to celebrate both your birthdays, accept others’ suggestions for your bday celebrations, and invite him along to any of those you’d like him at.

healthybychristmas · 24/01/2025 07:58

I would be watching and waiting on this one. He knows that you are going to treat him on his birthday. I would just wait and see what he does for yours. I would remind him a couple of times that it was your birthday, in a subtle way as possible! If he is willing to take but not willing to give them he's not someone I would be interested in.

Snowmanscarf · 24/01/2025 08:22

Actually, does he know you’ e taken off time for his birthday, or have you just done that in readiness?

Mls1984btc · 24/01/2025 09:04

@Sundaycoffee if I was you I would proceed with caution. I know the majority of the posters have mentioned that birthday is not a big thing, get over it and words to that effect but it matters to you - that's why you are treating his birthday as a special occasion and expect the gestures to be reciprocated.

Unfortunately for whatever reasons he has missed the mark and keep you hanging. He might be planning a surprise, be it a party or break up after the treat we do not know. What we do know is how he has made you feel strongly enough that you are asking virtual strangers what they think.

Are you a giver in this relationship? What's the dynamics? Apologies if I was presumptuous but please do not be a placeholder for him to wait for someone better comes along, someone he is keen and willing to impress without asking and question.

Mamabear487 · 27/01/2025 20:35

So why have you not asked him if he would like to spend your birthday with him? What are you a child?

Munnygirl · 27/01/2025 20:39

I’m going against the grain or maybe my bar is set higher but I would fully expect him to want to do some for my birthday and you are not wrong to feel that way. You are still in the honeymoon phase so this should be important. I’m afraid I don’t buy into the bullshit “oh I don’t expect anything or “he’s not a mind reader”. It’s your birthday and he should make some effort.

Munnygirl · 27/01/2025 20:41

Mls1984btc · 24/01/2025 07:39

Not planning the birthday of course but tentatively asking what would the OP like to do and get etc surely is not overstepping the mark, especially she has done so for his upcoming birthday?

Show quote history

Completely this

Munnygirl · 27/01/2025 20:42

Snowmanscarf · 23/01/2025 20:30

Birthdays aren’t a big deal to some people. Hopefully he’ll have got you a present and card. Does he know you’re expecting him to treat you?

He should know to do this. He’s not a child but a fully grown adult

AlteredStater · 27/01/2025 20:43

I've never understood why this sort of game of guesswork goes on. Just ask him whether he has anything planned! It shouldn't be a test. I know it's lovely to be surprised but since it's so early in your relationship maybe just be upfront. Worst that can happen is that he complains you spoilt the surprise.

Munnygirl · 27/01/2025 20:46

AlteredStater · 27/01/2025 20:43

I've never understood why this sort of game of guesswork goes on. Just ask him whether he has anything planned! It shouldn't be a test. I know it's lovely to be surprised but since it's so early in your relationship maybe just be upfront. Worst that can happen is that he complains you spoilt the surprise.

I have to say I do not understand why a woman can not accept that a man can and should make an effort especially for a birthday. 6 months is a reasonable amount of time to get to know someone

Summerlovin24 · 27/01/2025 21:04

Iaminthefly · 24/01/2025 04:09

So you've booked a load of stuff for his birthday but he's not even asked about yours??

Girl no. Never give a man more than you get back. Ever.

This
I would happily accept the invitations from friends/family who clearly want to see you on your birthday. If he then swoops in at last minute just say you hadn't mentioned anything so I accepted offers. It's not games . I would just want to be with someone on my bday who wants to see me. Invite him along to one if you have no free nights for him.

I would not drop hints or ask him either. He knows when your birthday is. Men are more last minute than women re birthdays/presents etc but that doesn't make it right. 1st birthday together he should be ready with card/small gift and a plan. That shows if he is bothered or not

Eldermillenialyogi · 27/01/2025 21:07

Why do women sit around waiting for their partners to plan something and then get annoyed when they don't? Just tell him what you'd like to do

Alalalala · 27/01/2025 21:12

Maybe he’s going to surprise you.

If he doesn’t, or whatever he does isn’t in any way equal to the lovely and costly thing you’ve planned for him - let him know you’re disappointed. Ask him why he doesn’t think you should received the same treatment. That wouldn’t be a small thing: it would be a big red flag.