A while back I posted about being pregnant and was really struggling to decide whether to keep the baby or not. Because i'm 40, this has been a heartwrenching decision for me and a lot of tears have been shed, but in the end I decided to go for a termination.
The experience of having a termination was one of the most painful and traumatic experiences i've ever had, the pain was so intense I had to call an ambulance. I'm now recovering from it. Prior to that I spent 3 weeks in a complete panic over what I should do.
The father of the child was trying to encourage me to go through with the pregnancy pretty much constantly, it was impossible to have an impartial discussion with him, he was just completely sure that we were going to be able to do this. I am sure he is right but some of my reasons for not going through with it were as follows:
I have only been officially dating him for 4 months, I was seeing him before that and it took him two months of sleeping with me to ask me out.
In the time I've been dating him he's never introduced me to his mother or even taken me out on a date - it actually became a point of contention and I eventually had to outright ask him to.
He lives at home with his mother and is 40. He's been in this country for a year after moving from another country so I understand he's getting back on his feet, but he earns half what I do and has no savings and no assets.
In the end I felt like his frequent declarations of love just really weren't backed up with anything solid, and I couldn't risk upheaving my entire life to have his child. I felt that me having his baby wasn't because he loved me and wanted to be with me, I felt like it was a way of him getting a life upgrade, while I would have been sat at home with a baby and he could go to work as normal. Because I earn so much more, I realised how much of an impact this would have on my independence. I live in a house share at the moment because I'm still selling the house from my previous relationship which was abusive and which I had to leave.
I didn't feel like I could rely on this guy who I barely knew, despite him saying he'd marry me there is no law that says he has to do that, and no law that says he couldn't leave when things got hard. I just couldn't risk it. I am devastated. I am sure I would have been able to do it on my own but he was so hell bent on having the child that there is no way he wouldn't have hounded me and I did not want to be in a coparenting situation - I wanted a family.
After my termination he basically turned on me, told me his mother is devastated and her health has taken a turn for the worse, that I am selfish for asking for support, and that I am "pushing him for answers" on the future of our relationship. He said we're not broken up but he "needs space". He told me several times he wouldn't judge me whatever decision I made. He has text me asking how my day was but I don't get much more than that, when I've said my day is fine he's told me i'm being short with him and that asking what's going on is being aggressive and harsh.
I'm also selfish for not asking after his mother and I'm a narcissist because I am making everything about myself.
I realise that I should never have dated this man in the first place, this whole thing was an accident but I am just completely gobsmacked by his cold behaviour towards me after the termination. It was a bit like he expected me to give him a baby, he already has one in another country that he does not see because the mother apparently got pregnant and then ran off and refused to let him have any involvement in it.
He's seemed really nice and very kind (as long as it's free) but his sudden change of tune is apparently all my fault? I was not a very nice person during the pregnancy because I felt under immense pressure and stress, I barely ate or slept and cried constantly, so maybe that is why? I don't know.