I’m sorry it’s a long one, but I really need some advice from other women who have been through this same situation. Please believe me when I say I have been thinking about this from every angle for a long time, and I keep thinking I know what to do for the best, maybe I need a push but I need to know I’m not going to wreck a few lives.
I’m a woman married to a man, and we have a child together. We have been together for a long time now, we have been happy, nothing wild, not the fireworks of the early days, but a stable and easygoing home. We are relatively comfortably-off and on the surface we are in for the long haul. He is attractive, educated, a fantastic dad but fairly limited emotionally in terms of our relationship. He cannot verbalise any type of affection, he simply finds it too difficult. I knew all this when I married him. We have sex but this has dwindled to about 2-3 times a month mainly due to my libido going through the floor, potentially due to perimenopause, but also because these days I don’t get anything out of it (no matter how hard he tries). I’d rather have an early night.
Around 10 years ago I finally came to the realisation (and acceptance) I was also attracted to women. At first I felt pleased that I had admitted it to myself and proud of myself. I have never disclosed this to anyone though, inc my husband. The realisation was over a period of time and instead of wondering why I admired some women on telly or whatever, I realised I was actually attracted to them. And since then I have allowed myself to recognise when I am attracted to other women in real
life (but have never acted on it or let on in any way).
Over time I have been mindful of whether I am full-on gay or bisexual, but I find myself still attracted to men and I definitely still appreciate how attractive my husband is.
But when I see women either on television or in real life that I find attractive, it’s a different feeling. I find myself fantasising about being in a relationship with a woman, enjoying both physical and emotional intimacy, and where I’ve been successful in pushing these feelings down for a number of years, just recently something has pinged in my brain and I have started to seriously consider separating from my husband in order to pursue a life with a woman. It’s all consuming and I am finding it hard to think of anything else.
Trouble is, I don’t have a woman. Ive never even kissed a woman. I have always felt cheating is diabolical and so through this bi-curiosity on steroids, I feel like I need to end my marriage in order to what feels, right now, like strongly following my heart.
Our child is due to start primary school in September. My husband would be crushed if I ended our marriage, but in time he would cope. Is he in love with me? I wouldn’t say so, but we make a good team and he/we like our comfortable, reliable stable life. He would be devastated not to see our child every day if we split. I would be so sad for our little one for breaking up our family, it’s the main thing that’s stopping me as I can’t bear the thought of them going through a broken home.
But I feel like he deserves better than a wife who daydreams about romantic situations with women and secretly watches WLW relationships on youtube as a coping mechanism.
Sorry it’s long. Has anyone else been through this and done the same? Or have you / did you stay and just tried to make it work for your children? Do I leave even if I never meet a woman??