Sleep in same bed or not?

[fedup2471]

Do you sleep in the same bed as your partners?

If so, how would you feel if they no longer wanted to?

Use to sleep together every night. Now OH struggles to sleep. He sleeps very lightly. He can't stand the slightest noise.
So now sleep apart.
Not my choice... his.

I feel so sad & lonely inside. I want to feel his warmth & hugs etc. yes I've told him this & I've even cried to him. Nothing changes.

AIBU?

Do you snore? If so, you could try and address that (eg, with medical intervention) and he might want to co sleep again.

I'd be bloody delighted and I adore my husband. We don't sleep well together. He snores, I get hot.
We went away recently to a holiday cottage and it had two bedrooms. He broached the idea of a room each and I jumped at the chance. We still had 'us' time.

To answer your question, yes dh and I do sleep together usually but neither of us snores. The couples we know who sleep apart, do so because of snoring or similar issues

If he’s a very light sleeper and sleeps better alone then, yes, YABU if you’re making him feel guilty for prioritising his health.

I would be upset like you. It's one of my favourite things.

Can you compromise and maybe sleep together two nights a week on weekends when sleep is less important?

I love my husband and I would be sad but I also value him enough to value his need to sleep over my desire for cuddles. And I certainly wouldn't cry to him about it to try and manipulate him back into sharing a bed. Sleep trumps cuddles literally always.

Sharing a bed was central to my marriage, and luckily my DH felt the same. We used to talk things over after the day and sleep cuddled up together. I'm a widow and he's long gone but I still put a few things on the bed so I don't feel so alone when I turn at night.

I would have hated sleeping apart, OP. I too would have felt sad and lonely. Not sure how you square the circle. Perhaps talk it over, tell him how you feel.

Weirdly needy at best, manipulation at worst.

Moving to separate bedrooms was one of the final nails with our relationship of 30+ years.
I moved into the spare room when my partner was poorly, to give them solid undisturbed rest, and they decided not to have me back. There was no discussion allowed and no possibility of reversal.

As well as decreasing physical intimacy, it meant that we didn't have any of those 'end of day' chats, although it must be said that their bedtime book had replaced those for them in any case. Before the bedtime book would be evening television, also in the bedroom, the interruption of which was never welcomed. Yes, I did snore, and we'd gradually adopted different bedtimes, but from my point of view there had gradually become less and less to go to bed for. Those quiet little chats are really important and are part of the glue that binds people - at least as important as the sex, and possibly more so.

My advice? If you have a strong, healthy,.and happy relationship and both want to do it, sleeping apart can work. If not, it risks seriously undermining things. There are very good earplugs available these days.

Quiet little chats may be nice, but trying to sleep alongside a snorer is torture. Real torture. You don't understand if you've never had to endure it yourself. Earplugs don't cut it.

I hope you are ok now.

But it’s not sleeping together, is it? It’s you sleeping and him lying awake!

I am a very light sleeper. I do share a bed with DH, but I love it when he’s away.

I've been kept awake by snoring too, and know full well how awful it can be 🙁

Some mutually agreed way of maintining intimacy needs to be found in these cases. Without that, things won't end well.

What is " needy" about it?
Sharing the same bed is a very important part of the marriage/ partnership for some people.
I'm a widow and I must say not having my DH sleeping in the bed was one of the really hard things to get used to.
OP could you do as a pp suggested and try and come to some compromise so you shared the same bed a couple of nights in the week?

Wanting to sleep in the same bed as loved one = perfectly normal

Believing that your need to sleep in same bed as loved one trumps loved ones need to sleep and crying about it to get your own way = needy

I'm long divorced and love having my own space in the bed. I would still want to sleep separately even if l had another partner. OP, why can't you ( or he) have a bit of a cosy cuddle/sex with your OH and then return to your own bed? That way, if he's a light sleeper at least he gets a good night's rest.

Separate beds sounds like heaven mind you separate house be even better🙄

I think you are being a bit harsh on OP: it obviously is a big thing for her and is probably feeling a bit rejected by her DH.

If he has seen how much this means to her and he hasn't suggested a compromise, such as spending one or two nights in the marital bed then he is guilty of thinking about just his own needs andnot those of OP. So perhaps he is being a tad selfish?

Is your partner's reasoning because you snore? I ask as this was a bone of contention for me for a long time with DH
He now has a CPAP machine and it's a game changer

Perhaps I am, a little.
I do think that sleeping is a basic human need tho, and realistically can only really happen at night. It's so important.
Wheras cuddles and closeness can come at any time.

Slippery slope imo

Honestly asking anyone to sleep deprive themselves even for one night a week is just unfair . The following day is awful, sleep is a basic human right and I guarantee there is nothing more soul destroying for a relationship than 'forcing' him to lie awake next to you while you sleep away merrily . Trust me it would be far far worse for your relationship than not sharing a bed .

Sleep is extremely important for health—as important as diet and exercise. Poor sleep massively increases your chance of developing heart failure, diabetes, all sorts of conditions.

My husband and I sleep separately, because he snores and I am a ridiculously light sleeper. We've both been much happier and healthier since we've had our own rooms. We laze around together in my bed on a Sunday.

Crying to manipulate someone into damaging their health is not a good thing to do.

Everyone who said I'm crying to manipulate have really jumped the gun. I also never said I snored.

However. We have a new baby. So the only person sleep deprived is me.
Whilst he fucks off to get a lovely full sleep every night

No support at all

As drip feeds go that’s a beauty!

Almost like it was set up…