Red flags or not ?

[ConfusedByMen]

Please help me out here. I clearly am so out of touch with dating, I feel like I'm missing all red flags and go for type of men that in the end all end up the same broken type i have always dated.

My last relationship was 12 years and have a DC. Been single for 2 years, doing a little a bit of dating. I have read plenty of self development books and have done therapy... normally I see red flags clearly with the usual men if you like. They make it easy by turning sexual or non consistent, etc.

Now i have been talking on OLD to an Iranian guy. Usually this would be a no for me as I wouldn't date someone religious and Muslims are very religious. He said he was born here and his family is Christian. Being suspicious, not sure if I believe that.

Anyway, with our conversations, I am unsure if he is a walking red flag or just stronger, manly guy who knows what he wants. I need someone who will challenge me and take initiative but not fight me or yell at me and tell me what to do.

What do we think Mumsnet ? I think run when I re-read that.

I think you come across as quite abrasive and he is trying not to have an argument. I don't see any red flags from his side.

He tells you several times that he agrees with you and isn't particularly religious. You're banging on about Muslims and talking about men snatching children.

If you have such strong opinions about ME men, which is your prerogative, I don't understand why you chose to talk to him in the first place.

Yeah, I don’t think this has legs. He sounds slightly misogynistic and creepy and you sound Islamophobic. I can’t see this working out.

bit of a taboo subject tbh

I think you come across as a bit of a walking red flag, sorry! You sound quite racist/xenophobic and like you are trying to bait him for an argument. He does try quite valiantly to redirect the conversation to a normal topic. But I don’t think this relationship is going anywhere.

Btw, yes, there are Iranian Christians and no, not all Muslims are backwards and misogynistic. I know quite a few very progressive, feminist Muslims.

One observation, his English is not good for someone who was born here. Are you sure that’s the truth?

I would not pursue this, he may not describe himself as ‘religious’ but there will be a huge cultural divide and he may still have traditional views about women.

OMG OP

YOU are the red flag

Oh god it’s all awful tbh. He’s talking gibberish, you’re being hostile and you’re both getting way too deep for initial chats. Him calling you his angel and saying you’re seeing each other now isn’t him being strong and dominant, it’s the start of - at the very least - a controlling and abusive relationship. More likely catfishing scam. You need a better radar for bullshit if you’re going to do online dating.

You're both red flags to be honest.

Red flags from both sides!!! Why are you being so combative? In the conversation about islam you come off terribly and he comes off quite well. In the one about women, well, he does not look good. I'd stop chatting to this guy, you are poorly matched for both.

You sound demanding, as if he can’t say anything right, you’re quite angry and are coming across weird in your messages. He sounds misogynistic and there’s a hint of love bombing going on there telling you you’re his angel and he will make you happy, can’t stop looking at your pictures etc. You haven’t even met yet. It’s coming across too much. You’re both really odd. This won’t work.

I didn't see the final page of messages. Yes there are red flags from his side - his views on women, his English is poor and I think he has ulterior motives.

I think there’s a lot of red flags from both sides - you’re coming across as pretty aggressive, goady and spoiling for an argument. He’s coming across as creepy and misogynistic.

Yeah...run a mile OP. His comments about you being his angel and "we're seeing each other, yes".....wtf...run....far far away

He sounds a bit overly saccharine and inauthentic but you are just Islamaphobic. I wouldn't date him but might be a friend, but would steer massively clear of you.

Exactly this.

I wonder if everyone commenting has read all the pages of messages? He doesn't sound too bad at first, but then the comments about you being his angel and he can't stop looking at your photos...massive red flags for cat fishing/love bombing.

You need to have much better radar than this if you are going to try online dating op

i dont know who is who in the messages i just think it is a strange subject to be texting about

Not islamophobic. I'm anti religion and only mentioned Islam as he is from Iran which is the most likely religion there. Aa much as Islam doesn't bother me when it doesn't affect me, I wouldn't date someone that is Muslim due to the impact their religion has on women, their lives, clothes etc. I know women who lost their children and never saw them again.

For the 'we are seeing each other now', 'you're my angel' and 'I will make you happy' I would have unmatched him, religion aside.

However your messages, I think, make you sound quite vulnerable and panicky. You need to work on that.

I need another voting option to be honest because I see red flags on both sides

you are very narrow minded op and raising taboo subjects
keep your opinions to yourself i suggest
and dont date an iranian who you dont trust

Someone has dodged a bullet. It's not him.

There's also clearly bits missing too as the conversation doesn't make sense.
OP has chosen to only share the bits that she believes to be possible red flags.

Yes, he's love bombing but not sure why unless he's a scammer or desperate as OP is definitely a red flag

He’s not great and neither are you. You are combative and certainly Islamophobic.

Run… but also, get some more self help before returning to OLD.

Thank you for noticing I was combative. I only realised how much after I have read our chat this morning which is what's prompted me to post. I'm usually very calm person but felt goaded and the more he mentioned my looks, the more I felt the need to protect myself. Promise, I'm not s walking red flag but feel he really brought out the worst in me.

I'm going to block. I made that decision anyway however I wanted opinions to see if I'm loosing my mind and maybe I was the problem which from few screenshot might look like it but he was rather full on before some of these which is what got my back up.

You're as bad as each other.

I have read plenty of self development books and have done therapy.

Put down the dating and keep going.