Boyfriend said I am judgemental because of this…am I?

[Histypop]

Boyfriend of around 6 months. Attended a family christening with him today with all his extended family. I had met a few already but this was meeting everyone officially. I have 1 child who boyfriend hasn’t met yet, my general rule of thumb is that I should wait to close to the year mark.
his family all seemed like nice people but were a bit ‘lairy’ and swore a lot, even in front of the children. Every second work was F or B and even C without any consideration for their being around 15 kids in their company, all in primary school and younger. This shocked me. The kids were also swearing with everyone finding this funny.
also to add it was a family meal- not a booze up.
boyfriend asked me what I thought afterwards and I said I liked everyone and they really welcomed me but that I was surprised at the bad language around the kids. I said my own child would be looking at me in shock if they were there and probably wouldn’t have ever been around that kind of language and I wouldn’t want them hearing that.
he said I’m very judgemental and am judging his family when I’ve only met them once and now he’s going to feel worried whenever I’m there in their company again.
was I wrong to say anything? I wanted to be honest

There’s honest and then there’s honest.

Of course you were judging them and he picked up on it. There was no need.

Didn't you post this exact thread a couple of weeks ago?

I'd have judged too, there's a time and place for bad language and this wasn't it.

I wouldn't want my kid around constant swearing, might be time to rethink things?

Well he asked you and you were honest. Does he swear all the time? What are you hoping for from the relationship? If he thinks that's ok behaviour around kids it doesn't sound too promising for anything long term or meeting yours. However it's difficult with family. Mine have loads of issues and I'm quite happy to point them out but I feel a bit different if someone else does. It sounds like you might be from different backgrounds with different values but also he may be a bit embarrassed and not be comfortable himself

He was a bit more ‘sweaty’ today than usual but nothing compared to the rest

Tricky one, he asked, you were honest. He's bound to feel judged by association and even if you can see your family's faults for yourself, you generally don't want someone else to point them out. I've been in that same situation and I kept quiet, but I also limited the contact my kids had with my (now ex) inlaws.

I wouldn't have criticised them because they weren't around my child 🤷‍♂️

I'd also make sure they weren't around my child in the future.

People don't just marry their partners do they? They marry their family too.

If your partner saw the problem and was on the same page as you, you would share the same views.

He asked and for whatever reason, didn't like the answer. From your perspective, you managed his expectations of the amount of time you're prepared to allow your DC be exposed to his family and their... characteristics.

"he said I’m very judgemental and am judging his family when I’ve only met them once and now he’s going to feel worried whenever I’m there in their company again."

Judgemental? You say that like it's a bad thing!

Dictionary definition of judgemental:

1. of or concerning the use of judgement.
2. having or displaying an overly critical point of view.

I consider you used your judgement. He's claiming you were overly critical. His claim may well stem from the fact that he actually agrees, but they're his family and he doesn't feel he can criticise them to you (which agreeing with you would effectively be).

If he doesn't want an honest answer, he shouldn't ask the question.

It’s fine for you to judge, people who swear every second word around kids, are just raising them to be the same. If they think it’s absolutely fine, why would they be offended with someone stating that they do it, it’s a fact. Personally it would be a deal breaker for me, as if you go the distance they will be a part of your life, and your other half clearly doesn’t see an issue with it

FFS man this is a repost and also now a joke about the sweatyness.

Tbh you seem to have acted in a very considered manner to me. It’s not as though you just offered your opinion out of the blue. He asked and you first said what you liked (their welcoming attitude) before your concerns re the swearing. If he’s offended by this and is calling you judgemental to me it’s a red flag as he seems overly sensitive and immature. If he genuinely thinks there’s not a problem than that’s all well but the issue is how he’s making you feel like crap because your opinion doesn’t match his. I had an ex like this and over time it’s very wearing and affects your self esteem.

THIS

IN DROVES

Hmmm. I’m new to this site. Shame to think trolling seemingly happens here then!

Every second work was F or B and even C

The fact that you can’t even type the words makes me think you need to take the stick out.

Lol

no, I wasn’t sure if you were allowed to swear on this forum or not or if it would blank it out

I’m definitely not a troll.im not even sure what they mean by in droves

A joke about what?

I meant to write he was more ‘sweary’ today not sweaty. Typo

I'd be running a mile.

(Also because of the religious aspect).

Yes, getting mega feelings of deja vu myself, Beans.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5242335-met-boyfriend-familyaibu

Why post this again?

Yes she did