Okay so I’m currently working through a situation with my partner . When we met it was organic and in his work .. I’d recently moved country and felt the spark straight away . Long story short he contacted me first took me on a traditional date complete gentleman … I was really on and off for the first two years because I’d previously had a young marriage and it ended being controlling , I basically didn’t feel ready but expressed this honestly to him and spoke to 2 other people over text and met up for a walk etc but nothing intimate ever happened . I felt really locked in with him after the 2 years and asked for no other breaks , was pretty smitten tbh… he asked me to marry him a year later to which I said yes and was so happy about . No contact with anyone else on my side happened a year prior or a year after .. but recently I’ve found he was using tinder through out a lot of our relationship with no break for more than 5 months .. he’s communicated with me now after a lot of pressing . He apparently takes cocaine on a golf day or out with the lads and then hours later he’s not even sure what’s going on (but he can text me perfectly fine with no spelling errors) he joins tinder and then Snapchat and asks for nudes and sexts girls to the point it’s very explicit and upsetting he then sobers up and comes down and deletes the contacts and apps for say another 4-5 months . We’ve had long chats about this and he’s expressed I made him feel insecure at the start which is understandable as well . I’m just struggling with the fact I was transparent about my feelings and he acted like he was so in love and was lying the whole time . Along with this he was holding my savings in his account because he pays for a high interest premium so made sense us both saving for a house in the same account . He gambled it all away and photoshopped screenshots to try and provide evidence it was still there . Everytime I asked to log in to his account when he was at my house there was excuses like the passcode has broken etc . He’s never told the truth unless he’s cornered which has led to huge insecurities in me . I’m now wondering if the tinder and Snapchat stints where explicit things have been spoken about and meet ups discussed if he’s actually been physical with anyone . It’s eating me up really because I’m slow to fall in love but when I do , I love so hard . I feel so delicate and can’t concentrate on anything else . Thanks mamas