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Original poster

How would you react to partner not defending you?

55 replies

Melonjellies · 17/01/2025 18:05

My boyfriends family member has been sending me horrible messages for 3 days. She hasn't met me. Only spoke through Facebook. She's randomly messaged me saying horrible stuff about how I would never be family. Every swear word ever. She now has called me a psychopath, a skank and a allsorts.

I'm 37 and this is just not my style at all. I am so distressed and have asked my boyfriend 3 times now if he will defend me and have a word. He's refused. Said its nothing to do with him and to just block her and shut up about it.

I've sent one firm message back and she's continued to blow up my phone with 14 messages up to 3 inches long paragraph wise.

I don't live with my boyfriend and his lack of care over this is shocking.

What would you do

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 17/01/2025 18:06

What is she saying? Why would she be messaging you?!

OliveThe0therReindeer · 17/01/2025 18:09

Im sorry to hear about this, it sounds very upsetting.

If I were you, I would dump him and never have anything to do with him or his family again.

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/01/2025 18:09

I’d threaten her with the police if the harassment continues then block her and I’d dump him.

Do you really have absolutely no idea where it’s come from? How long have you been with him?

Original poster
Melonjellies · 17/01/2025 18:09

Shinyandnew1 · 17/01/2025 18:06

What is she saying? Why would she be messaging you?!

I'll try keep it short. He split up with his 10 year partner 2 years before we met. This cousin has never accepted our relationship. Thinks he still loves his ex.
She spoke to me several times like crap. I've tried with her. Then I blocked her 6 months ago. From what I can tell she's recently got his new number and the fact I've blocked her and she now has his new number she thinks I'm behind him not sending his new number she's gone on some rant that I'll never be family.

OP posts:
Meadowfinch · 17/01/2025 18:10

If your boyfriend says it's nothing to do with him, that means he does not see you as someone he needs to care for. You're just there to decorate his arm & keep his bed warm.

There is no future to this relationship. And you definitely don't want to be involved with such as nasty, low, toxic family.

Dump him, walk away and find someone kind & caring with a decent family.

Original poster
Melonjellies · 17/01/2025 18:13

I feel like the lack of defense for me is a real sign that he doesn't have genuine care for me. He doesn't even see this cousin. So what an earth would he want to keep himself out of all this for. Its awful and it should be a natural instinct to tell her off.

It's been 4 years aswel and I've had grief for years from her. When we split up briefly she turned nastier then. She calls me crazy and says I only stay with him to feel needed.

OP posts:
MounjaroOnMyMind · 17/01/2025 18:14

Basically your boyfriend and his skanky family belong on Jeremy Kyle. Get rid of him and if she contacts you again, tell her that if she speaks to you again you'll tell the police.

GrandmotherStillLearning · 17/01/2025 18:15

Melonjellies · 17/01/2025 18:05

My boyfriends family member has been sending me horrible messages for 3 days. She hasn't met me. Only spoke through Facebook. She's randomly messaged me saying horrible stuff about how I would never be family. Every swear word ever. She now has called me a psychopath, a skank and a allsorts.

I'm 37 and this is just not my style at all. I am so distressed and have asked my boyfriend 3 times now if he will defend me and have a word. He's refused. Said its nothing to do with him and to just block her and shut up about it.

I've sent one firm message back and she's continued to blow up my phone with 14 messages up to 3 inches long paragraph wise.

I don't live with my boyfriend and his lack of care over this is shocking.

What would you do

Copy the messages to your police station Email address .. with new laws it's one your find a police officer will call her.
Then once you've forwarded block her. On everything. You could be a piece to a jigsaw the police are building a picture to and it's likely she is toxic to others.

Second lesson here is, when someone shows you what they think of you. Believe them !

Sissix · 17/01/2025 18:17

Melonjellies · 17/01/2025 18:13

I feel like the lack of defense for me is a real sign that he doesn't have genuine care for me. He doesn't even see this cousin. So what an earth would he want to keep himself out of all this for. Its awful and it should be a natural instinct to tell her off.

It's been 4 years aswel and I've had grief for years from her. When we split up briefly she turned nastier then. She calls me crazy and says I only stay with him to feel needed.

Well, then maybe the weird messaging relative has a point, and he's not that into you, regardless of how he feels about his ex?

TwistedWonder · 17/01/2025 18:18

It is your bf business because she’s his family and he needs to deal with her without pulling his punches.
The fact he won’t get involved shows he’s either a coward or isn’t bothered about you being abused.

Id be kicking him into touch tbh. Hrs shown by his actions hes not prioritising you.

stayathomer · 17/01/2025 18:19

I never ever say this (maybe once or twice!) but it sounds like you are over. You’ll have a miserable life with both him and his family

Sherararara · 17/01/2025 18:19

Dump him.

and depending on what she is saying, take legal action against her.

CFOfTheHighestOrder · 17/01/2025 18:21

Any chance this family member fancies him?

mimichitchat93 · 17/01/2025 18:24

Speak to your local police on live chat or you could ring the non emergency and they'll tell you what to do. She genuinely sounds unhinged.

SouthLondonMum22 · 17/01/2025 18:24

Can't you have a word with her yourself? If not then blocking her seems to be the most sensible thing to do.

ElsaGreen · 17/01/2025 18:25

Meadowfinch · 17/01/2025 18:10

If your boyfriend says it's nothing to do with him, that means he does not see you as someone he needs to care for. You're just there to decorate his arm & keep his bed warm.

There is no future to this relationship. And you definitely don't want to be involved with such as nasty, low, toxic family.

Dump him, walk away and find someone kind & caring with a decent family.

Edited

This, dump him. Maybe this is a good thing, as it's better to realise now that he does not care about protecting you, than to realise this when you are really committed.

PashaMinaMio · 17/01/2025 18:30

Life’s too short for this drama.
She will never ever leave you alone.
If he isn’t defending you, I suggest “he’s not that into you.”
Life is complicated enough.
Do yourself a favour and dump him.

Firingsz · 17/01/2025 18:37

I cannot fathom the lack of self esteem someone might have to have stayed with a loser like this.
Very sad.
OP, you deserve better, but while you remain in the company of scum that is unlikely to happen.
Dump.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 17/01/2025 18:49

Dump him and contact the police today about her harassment of you. Sending such messages is a criminal offence.

You would not put up with this from anyone so do not put up with this from her.

Raise your relationship bar a lot higher when it comes to men also.

Original poster
Melonjellies · 17/01/2025 18:49

I feel like blocking him forever. I called him again as she's continued sending messages and he got annoyed at me again and claims he's told her to leave me alone. Bit didn't seem bothered about me beyond that. It was every much shut up about it. Don't involve him. You've always not got alone.

It's crazy isn't it. Absolutely mad. I have never ever been vile to her and I honestly don't ever contact her first. She's fake nice sometimes but then she turns

She could fancy him. Makes me wonder.

In terms of reporting is there a way online?

OP posts:
Lotsofsnacks · 17/01/2025 19:00

I wouldn’t bother with him, not worth it, he should have sorted this before now. He doesn’t have your back. Id move on and find a partner with a more calm and welcoming family!

AppropriateAdult · 17/01/2025 19:05

So are you saying that he had already cut off communication with her (thus her not having his new number until recently)? Why on earth haven't you also blocked her? She sounds unhinged, and it seems very unlikely that him 'having a word' will improve the situation; much better to just block her completely, I would have thought.

Original poster
Melonjellies · 17/01/2025 21:33

AppropriateAdult · 17/01/2025 19:05

So are you saying that he had already cut off communication with her (thus her not having his new number until recently)? Why on earth haven't you also blocked her? She sounds unhinged, and it seems very unlikely that him 'having a word' will improve the situation; much better to just block her completely, I would have thought.

No not really cut her off. He just isn't that fussed by her I guess but she will contact someone to get new numbers usually.

I have blocked her. It goes into a spam folder though which is stupid. It does t actually stop her

OP posts:
myplace · 17/01/2025 21:39

I read it totally differently. Why are you taking any notice at all? She’s a random. You’ve never met her. He doesn’t speak to her. Just leave her blocked and stop looking, she’s irrelevant.

Don't rise to the bait, stop feeding her. If he gets involved it just validates her.

Id assume his family are worth swerving and make your relationship with him not them.

SchrodingersTwat2 · 17/01/2025 21:53

I went to the police about far, FAR less harassment with that. They had dealt with the person by the end of the day.

Just pop in with all the messages.