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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

30s and never had a relationship

56 replies

Rnc96 · 16/01/2025 23:27

In Jan 2023, I posted this topic and got some supportive feedback. However years later and I’m ashamed to admit I’m still in the same position (never been in a relationship, and a virgin). WWYD?

I’ve never met someone in real life in this position. Not sure how I can find a guy willing to give me a chance
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4710128-worried-im-too-unattractive-for-a-relationship?page=1

I don’t live a sheltered life, regularly socialise, live in a big city, have a full time job. I’ve even flatshared with men platonically (and became friends), made friends with guys from work. I’ve still not come across a guy who has wanted a relationship with me. How else can I increase my odds

I socialise around three times a week, and try to say ‘yes’ to most social invitations even if I’m on the fence to increase my network. Have many great memories doing so, and met lots of cool people but it hasn’t changed anything for me dating wise.

I am physically in shape, go to mixed gender classes (spin, salsa, running). Also, I enjoy going to gigs and festivals a lot. Travel twice a year - pretty standard stuff tbh, I’m not living like a hermit.

I wear neutral makeup, get my hair done and dress ‘well’.
I have even gone as far to smile more, make small talk with strangers (where appropriate( in hopes of coming across as more ‘approachable’ / positive.

Worried I’m too unattractive for a relationship | Mumsnet

Has anyone felt they’re too unattractive to find love? I’m embarrassed to say I’m a 26 year old virgin, never been in a relationship, no man has ever...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/4710128-worried-im-too-unattractive-for-a-relationship?page=1

OP posts:

Perhapsanothertime · 09/05/2025 14:52

Thisistyresome · 09/05/2025 14:29

Just an observation but:
“I am physically in shape, go to mixed gender classes (spin, salsa, running).”
How mixed are spin and salsa, really?
In my experience they tend to be very few men at them…

Usually plenty of guys at salsa….. but not ones that a 30 year old would want to date 🤣 well… not in a town anyway!

I started salsa when I was about 19 or 20, been all over to go to congresses etc. Once you get into big cities there are some young guys there who are way more eligible, as are some of the teachers 🤭

It’s definitely a route into meeting guys but you need to be reasonable at it and willing to travel about and get into the circuit.

Rosiecidar · 09/05/2025 20:15

Rnc96 · 08/05/2025 10:56

I have male friends but truthfully feel too ashamed to open up about the issue. Even my closest friends don’t know this about me, as worry there’s a big stigma.
That’s interesting to hear there’s women in your office who haven’t either, are they perhaps religious?

I’ve still not met anyone my age in this position, even the most socially awkward people I know who never left their hometown have had relationships.

Show quote history

Hello, no the women I know who haven't had relationships and don't date do everything in girly groups. They also never seem to be particularly interested in men.

Itseatingmeup · 09/05/2025 20:23

There's quite a lot on YouTube about having more charisma, appealing more. I have been using it and actually it's surprising how it helps with making friends.

I think you probably need to learn to flirt and show some vulnerability. A big wide smile, showing care, interest wherever you go.

It's strange but I have a bus friend who seems to appeal to everyone she meets. She just spends that bit more time with every interaction.

Itseatingmeup · 09/05/2025 20:24

Sorry that sounds awful reading that back.

ALittleBitWooo · 09/05/2025 20:50

How are the dates that you are going on ending, is it that you are not attracted to them or is it the other way around?
I met my husband OLD 10 years ago and from listening to friends it’s changed a lot, more just coffee dates or walking around the park than real drinking/eating dates.
I was in my mid thirties when I met my husband and by then had found that I had to put myself out there on a date more then I did in my twenties.
My first date with my now husband was in a pub, dinner then back to mine. I made the first move with kissing, I’ve found a lot of men get nervous about that so I’d just do it myself.
I do realise I’m pretty forward though so maybe these aren’t things your comfortable with.

TheWatersofMarch · 09/05/2025 21:03

I got into every relationship I ever had because I fancied them like mad and put myself in their way and had sex early on. One of them was right and I’ve been with him since. I had sex with about 12 people all told. If you feel attracted to someone you will generally be attractive to them - it’s all hormones and chemistry. Don’t overthink about putting anyone off, just be flirty.

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