Would you block him at this stage?

[Bricks30]

Me and my boyfriend live separately. Always have because he can't seem to sort his life out. When we first met he was working. Then he came out of work with back pain. For various reasons he didn't attend his appointments but the main reason was he couldn't prioritise his money onto the right things and couldn't afford the trains etc. Rather than communicate with the Dr's he just didn't show up and after 3 attempts they gave up. Since then he's not worked. He ended up moving into a flat and it's in the middle of town center. He's got deeper and deeper into his mental health issues. He's got friendly with loads of wasters who smoke pot or worse. He has any Tom dick and Harry around his flat and the behaviour has just spiralled.

He came to me a few months back in tears asking for my love and support to turn his life around. But honestly he's doing the care minimum to help himself and as awful as it sounds when I see him all he can think about or talk about is himself. I feel myself tensing up and rolling my eyes at him grumbling about the world and how nothing is fair on him. He never ever asks me how I am. But if I am ever honest and say I'm down. I've had no adult company. I'm working. Raising my children. Cleaning my house. I'm tired. I'm invisible to him. He can't even force himself to show any empathy. I spoke about my work collegeue the other day. She's 34 and has 2 years maximum to live. But she comes into work and tries. He quickly reverted the subject back to him before I had even finishing speaking about how amazingly brave she was and how bluddy sad I was for her.

He has purchased a pet recently and now he's losing his flat. Yesterday I was upset and tried to tell him his wishy washy contact was upsetting me. He told me he had no credit left to message on Sunday night. 6.45am Monday morning he text me. I said I thought you had no credit. He said it suddenly started sending messages about an hour after. So I asked why he didn't let me know then if he was able to text others. Then he simply didn't bother with me yesterday. I called him at lunch and he saw "someone" he wanted to talk to and asked me to call him back. When I did he was walking his puppy near the river with no lead and had no interest in talking again. I hung up when he said he wanted leaving alone until later. He then never contacted me again. I messaged at 5pm asking him to discuss the relationship. He didn't message back. I called at 6pm and 7pm. No response.

It's now the next day. Nothing! Do I just block him as he's showing he has no interest in how I feel?

Hello sorry. I've just finished work. I've been in training all day. So My heads tired. Reading through now.
I really want to remain strong and vy blocking him he can't ask me for anything. I feel so hurt by him but tonight I'm going to write down all the appalling stuff that's happened in recent months as in all honesty I think I've been too busy to process it.

I'll read through now.

He'll be back OP- he wasn't answering your calls to teach you a lesson for calling him out. You're his meal ticket and he probably won't let go easily. You're going to have to be strong.

I'm already to hear your sister went through it. I have a big heart full of empathy. It's a blessing and a curse. My job is very centered around making people feel better and comfortable. So that's so rewarding. I like to make things better. He misled me on meeting. Was working and made me think he would step up for me. But it never happened. I gave him the benefit of the doubt for so long but now I have no belief left. It took me ages. Its like im on a nine and need to get to that 10 if it makes sense. I did end it I December. Genuinely meant it. Felt it. Felt fine about it. Then he made me really stressed out he came up to tell me I'd never see him again because he was ending his life. He threw his phone away and he sort of ran off into the street. 3 hours later he told me he was with a friend. I messaged that friend. He took a month to reply but he told me last week he's not seen him for well over a year since he borrowed money and didn't return it. That turned my stomach because several times he messaged me or called saying he was at this friends having a quick cup of tea. How twisted that it was a lie.

There comes a point where you just have to stop feeling sorry for people who seem to go out of their way to make their own lives worse.

His welfare isn't your responsibility and he is frequently umpleasant to you, so I'd dump him asap.

There’s an often used saying - repeat this to yourself

Women, you are not rehabilitation centers for badly raised men. It is not your job to fix him, change him, parent him or raise him. You want a partner, not a project.

Then he made me really stressed out he came up to tell me I'd never see him again because he was ending his life.

That is when you contact those whose job it is to look after people like him. The police, the paramedics, the mental health team, the GPs. Lots of different professionally trained people versus little untrained (singular) you. You are not a superhero, but you are certainly harming him, yourself and your children by being around him. Am I being harsh? Yes I am because you cannot see the harm you are doing to EVERYONE around you. Keep him blocked. If he comes knocking tell him you will contact the police for protection/welfare reasons and shut that door. Do not have a conversation, do not unblock, stop trying to save him. Save yourself instead. Choose you.

I'm struggling to understand why someone like you who seems to have their shit together would waste even a second giving this waste of oxygen any headspace.

What does he do to add to your life? Apart from take the bins out & occasionally hoovers your house.

You are worth so much more, plus your only 34!! You could do so much better, would you want your children to grow up and date a man/woman like him?

Absolutely I have hit that point where the empathy has turned to anger. Like I listen to him and think it's your own fault now. I can't stand listening to him complain he's out of luck when he's made every bad decision when he could have made others.

I guess men like this always start out charming and then they gradually change. Its pretty traumatising when you've never been around it. I think I just got caught up in it and felt with the right support he will be able to live better. But I was wrong.

Op, please keep this toxic loser blocked.

He will only bring stress and carnage to your life.

There was a similar thread on here before Christmas I will pop a link below because I think it may help you to read a similar story by a lovely lady who had done so much to help a partner and it just got worse and worse.
You are at an earlier stage, and if you don’t end this relationship now, it will just keep spiralling down until there is nothing left of you.
You are so young, with a good job, your own home you deserve a man who will add to that, who brings fun and laughter, who is a true partner. You are becoming more like a carer/social worker and you look after others in your career, in your time off it should be about having connection and enjoyment.
Men like this do tend to get women in a place where they become almost addicted to helping, usually topped off by a suicide threat from the man, to keep you around out of guilt.
Sadly men like this don’t care at all - OP, he does not care about you, he does not care about himself. He only cares about what he can get from others, and if he hurts people to get what he wants, he feels no guilt.
Please, please don’t think because friends are loved up that you will be on your own and need the crumbs of this man for company.
You need a break and some time on your own, and then you can make some new friends as well. Do things you enjoy and get out there and live.
It is tough for a kind, decent person to remove someone from their life, but you owe yourself a future.
www.mumsnet.com/talk/relationships/5195129-leaving-a-suicidal-person

Keep him blocked. Don’t answer unknown numbers, don’t answer the door to him - change locks if need be. Be ready for a charm offensive/“I’ll change”/I might as well jill myself if I lose you etc.

And go to Whitby on your own if need be. Relax, unwind, pamper yourself. It will be much less stressful without him in tow! Shame you can’t swipe the poor puppy too.

You detatch. You have to do the detatching, it's not something that will happen to you.

You get him out of your phone, out of your life, and then over time, out of your head. It's a daily practice.

You can either choose this for yourself, or choose something better. But you're in control of which way this goes.

Break up, block and move on.
He brings absolutely nothing to your relationship except misery & moaning.
He’s 50 and hangs around with people smoking weed, doesn’t have his life in any shape or order, no job and no prospects.

If it was a friend asking you what to do, you’d be telling them to run.
Concentrate on your own family & life and find someone who treats you as you deserve to be treated.

OP, he’s a waste of your time & unlikely to ever change. Go now

How are you doing @Bricks30 ?