Dating a single mum

[Beachguy99]

ive been dating someone for a while (6 months) and she wants me to show more commitment (read moving in).
my current arrangement is living in a 3 bed home with my 26 year old daughter. Third bedroom is currently configured as a walk in wardrobe/study.
I’ve not lived there long and spent a lot of time getting it comfortable for both of us and she took a lot of time decorating and getting her room just right.
My partner rents a 1 bed flat and she shares custody with her ex. I’m happy for her to move in but I’m worried as she doesn’t get on well with my daughter and it’s basically going to be a choice between them.

I’m feeling a lot of pressure as I don’t want to ask my daughter to leave (we’ve only been the house an few months) although she is 26 now and should be branching out on their own . Also by doing that she will blame my partner for “kicking her out”.

I don’t get to see my partner very often as we both work away a lot of the time and when she’s home she has her child so making together is a real challenge.

thoughts?

Don't do it.

However great your relationship might be (and interestingly you haven't said anything about that) your daughter surely must always come first?

She may be 26 but she might not be able to afford to move out - and why should she, just to please your girlfriend?

The whole tone of your post doesn't really suggest that you want your girlfriend to move in. So don't let her! (I think 6 months is too soon, anyway)

How old is the partners child? I'd be saying a flat no.

It's only been 6 months so why the rush to move in together? Surely you barely know each other

What's your DP set up and ages of kids? As I'm assuming it won't just be her moving in, she'll be bringing her child/children too

Also your DP and daughter not getting on and all living together will be a recipe for disaster at this early stage in your relationship

You’ve only known her 6 months and there’s already problems with your DD - don’t even think about her moving in.

If it’s a choice between putting your DD or partner first, it’s your DD every single time.

Most people haven’t met their partners DC after 6 months let alone already having issues between them.

Oh no. No. I can't see anything here that would make it a good idea. For any of you, other than the GF of six months (I've got a jar of jam in my fridge that has been there longer) who is fed up of renting a flat and fancies your house instead.

Don't do it.

Why would you do this?

There are literally no positives for you. You work away so she'll have your place to herself after kicking your daughter out. She sees you as an easy mark.You shouldn't be meeting her DD for atleast another 6 months let alone moving in together.

You barely know each other. How much of the 6, months have you actually spent together? Less than 12 weekends if her DD is at her dad's EOW

Don’t do it. 6 months is not enough time

No way.

Not a chance.

6 months is far far too soon.

Where's her child planning on going?

If you want your dd to move out, that's a separate issue to be tackled first.

Carry on dating, but do a bit of digging to find out why she's pushing this so soon, because this has the makings of a red flag. I've forgotten what the opposite of cock lodger is, but that.

A woman with a child who wants to move in after 6 months is a giant red flag. She doesn’t have her child’s best interests at heart. She probably isn’t stable in other ways. Letting her move in would be a huge mistake.

I would highly recommend you terminate the relationship. If you aren’t ready for that drastic of a step, make sure you never have sex without a condom.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Do not do this! She shouldn’t even be considering moving in with someone she has only been dating for 6 months let alone getting angry about you being hesitant.

I woudn't move in with anyone after six months - it's way too soon. The fact that your daughter doesn't get on with her is surely another reason to put the brakes on the idea of cohabiting at the present time? And she has a child too - so two people would be moving in? It's a recipe for disaster. Just say no.

Actually you say single mum, so let's assume the child comes with her? So you're not just foisting your very new girlfriend on your dd, but also her child.

No. Way.

I’m happy for her to move in but I’m worried as she doesn’t get on well with my daughter and it’s basically going to be a choice between them.

So why are you happy for her to move in?

Even if she was bosom buddies with my adult DC I wouldn't be happy for anyone to move in after 6 months.

It's far too soon to move in together. And you don't see enough of each other.

Have you even met her child? I would HATE to live with someone else's child. I literally can't think of anything worse. I'm a teacher so I do that all day, I don't want it at home too.

It's sounds like you are a meal ticket to her . 6 months and she already hates your daughter and wants to move in erm lol no . No one and I mean no one especially one who I've known 5 minutes would make me lose my relationship with my child (whatever age) why would you throw your own daughter out for hers 🙄

If you kick your daughter out for this new girlfriend and her kid don't expect to have a good relationship with her again. It sounds like the girlfriend is just using you for your house anyway.

The one benefit to you is seeing a bit more of her. There are so many downsides. Only let her move in if your daughter moved out of her own choice first and not this year.

🤔 read this before

Why would you consider moving her in with you? is she paying rent or something? Does she claim benefits? if she loses benefits because she starts living with someone who is going to make up what she has lost?

i think you're mad to consider moving her in. She shouldn't be pressuring you as it doesn't seem like you have talked things through.

You must be mad.

6 months is nothing in terms of really getting to know someone.

6 months is still best behaviour territory. You have yet to see how she is under all the situations of life which is when you really get to know someone's true deep character.

And your willing to take not only a chance for yourself but the other person whose home it is.

And she shares custody with an ex and rents a one bed flat you say. 🤔

She might be the love of your life and completely fantastic... But in which case, What's the bloody rush...
Time time time is the only way you can make this decision and have any degree of confidence you aren't just cooking up a shit fest.

If that means you struggle to see each other a bit longer, so be it.
Cohabiting (you and the other adult whose home it is) with someone who is away a lot and has part-time parental responsibilities is not going to make the honeymoon period go more smoothly!

Sorry, but you need your head read if you think this is a good idea.

It should not be a "choice between them" your child, no matter the age should always be first choice over someone you've "known" for 6 months! Jesus Christ, this person seems like she's looking for a golden ticket out of her 1 bed flat = Free Loader?!

I think the whole tone of the op suggests that the girlfriend really wants to move in and is applying pressure, but op isn't so convinced but is allowing himself to feel bulldozed.

Just state that it's too soon, the timing is bad for many reasons and you won't even entertain it for another twelve months.

If that's taken to indicate some lack of commitment or love on your part then you've got your answer as to why, at least in part, the previous relationship didn't work (unreasonable).

If the relationship isn't solid enough to withstand that perfectly reasonable position then it was never good enough to consider this in the first place.

Once her feet are under your table and your home is not only her home but her child's second home too... You've got a world of complications and simple relationship wrinkles will have a tonne of pressure behind them.

Deep love isn't impatient it blossoms gradually.