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Original poster

Dating a single mum

58 replies

Beachguy99 · 13/01/2025 15:53

ive been dating someone for a while (6 months) and she wants me to show more commitment (read moving in).
my current arrangement is living in a 3 bed home with my 26 year old daughter. Third bedroom is currently configured as a walk in wardrobe/study.
I’ve not lived there long and spent a lot of time getting it comfortable for both of us and she took a lot of time decorating and getting her room just right.
My partner rents a 1 bed flat and she shares custody with her ex. I’m happy for her to move in but I’m worried as she doesn’t get on well with my daughter and it’s basically going to be a choice between them.

I’m feeling a lot of pressure as I don’t want to ask my daughter to leave (we’ve only been the house an few months) although she is 26 now and should be branching out on their own . Also by doing that she will blame my partner for “kicking her out”.

I don’t get to see my partner very often as we both work away a lot of the time and when she’s home she has her child so making together is a real challenge.

thoughts?

OP posts:
Ellie1015 · 13/01/2025 16:29

6 months is far too soon to have partner and child move in. If she is pressuring you that is a really bad sign.

Dd may move out in the next year or 2 but i would not be rushing her due to new girlfriend and new step child. Do you even know the kid well enough?

YRGAM · 13/01/2025 16:31

Get rid of the girlfriend. There are plenty more potential partners out there with whom a relationship won't mean potentially losing your daughter

Original poster
Beachguy99 · 13/01/2025 16:32

thank you I think that mirror’s my own own thoughts.

I’ve outlined my concerns and see how it pans out over the next 6 months.

She’s desperate for a more stable lifestyle and she latched onto this as a way to achieve that. I want to make sure I’m not just a meal ticket for her. (I’m a high earner, and she does ok).

OP posts:
Lovemusic82 · 13/01/2025 16:32

It’s a crazy idea. 6 months together is nothing, she shouldn’t have even introduced you to her child let alone want to move in with you. It’s perfectly reasonable for you to not live together and still have a relationship. No way would I consider moving anyone in with my adult DC’s, this is their home as well as mine.

Nothatgingerpirate · 13/01/2025 16:33

Thoughts?
NO.
Would never date (in the past), let alone move in with a parent.

VickyEadieofThigh · 13/01/2025 16:36

Beachguy99 · 13/01/2025 16:32

thank you I think that mirror’s my own own thoughts.

I’ve outlined my concerns and see how it pans out over the next 6 months.

She’s desperate for a more stable lifestyle and she latched onto this as a way to achieve that. I want to make sure I’m not just a meal ticket for her. (I’m a high earner, and she does ok).

You're a meal AND nice house ticket to her.

Throw this one back, OP.

Firingsz · 13/01/2025 16:40

6 months versus your 26 year old daughter?
Don't ever let your daughter know there was ever any question about this.
You don't know this woman from adam.

Time to move on for something that aligns with your life now.
You are in no rush to change your living arrangements.
Casual dating will suit you until you know your daughters plans.

mondaytosunday · 13/01/2025 16:45

Six months is way too soon to move in together when kids are involved! Are you happy to take on part care of her child?
What's the upside to this? I can't really see any for you (and definitely not fur your own daughter). You may get to see your partner more but that's it.
And finances - how would that work? Would you give over your third bedroom to the other child? And you share your home with your child...
I think your partner sees an easy way to get a nice home with no effort. If I were you I'd tell her it's far too soon.

WomenInConstruction · 13/01/2025 17:18

If she claims you aren't wanting to commit like she is, you can counter claim that if she truly loves you (after six months 🙄 like you're both 16 FFS) she will be understanding and patient.

But honestly. Just the fact that she's suggested this is reason to be cautious. No one with any sense would even be thinking about it because it comes with so many risks to all the relationships involved!!!

Blending families is challenging even when all parties have known each other well for a long time.

Which suggests it's predominantly the accommodation upgrade she's keen on.

turul · 13/01/2025 17:25

She is setting you up. First she moves in with DC. Then she wants to get married and is then entitled to 50% of your house on divorce.
I would advice caution sir.

fanaticalfairy · 13/01/2025 17:28

You can't possibly have a woman's and a child move in after having only known them 6 months! Daughter issues aside.

Pumpkinpie1 · 13/01/2025 18:11

Your relationship with your daughter should be your priority. Pushing her out and replacing her with a pushy GF and her younger child would be incredibly hurtful- prioritising a 6 month fling over 26 years ……..!

This GF sounds like she’s using you
Look for a nicer fish OP

Floogal · 13/01/2025 18:11

She has more red flags than a communist rally. If the genders were reversed more people would (rightly so I hasten to add) tell you to LTB.

Sounds like a user. What is the female equivalent of a cock lodger¿??

TwistedWonder · 13/01/2025 18:16

Floogal · 13/01/2025 18:11

She has more red flags than a communist rally. If the genders were reversed more people would (rightly so I hasten to add) tell you to LTB.

Sounds like a user. What is the female equivalent of a cock lodger¿??

A fanny freeloader

Meadowfinch · 13/01/2025 18:23

Absolutely not. You've only known her 5 mins. Leave it another year and then reconsider. If she loves you she'll be fine with that.

MrPepInHisStep90 · 13/01/2025 18:41

You're joking right @Beachguy99 ?

I'm a single dad. The fact you're thinking of asking your daughter to leave the house after knowing your partner for six months is shameless.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 13/01/2025 18:56

She’s desperate for a more stable lifestyle and she latched onto this as a way to achieve that. I want to make sure I’m not just a meal ticket for her. (I’m a high earner, and she does ok)

It all has the hallmarks of you being an "opportunity" for her and I agree with everyone else that 6 months is far too soon - especially with someone who's irritated at any suggestion about waiting

Also agree that you need to be rigorous with your own contraception; you really don't want any "accidents" on her part, especially if she's got an eye on your high earnings

curious79 · 13/01/2025 18:59

When I was a single mum no way in hell would I have moved in with someone after 6 months if I didn't think they were the love of my life AND I adored their flatmate daughter. The dislike of your child is a HUGE red flag. And after all that time spent making it perfect for you both I think you will both massively resent the upheaval

MrPepInHisStep90 · 13/01/2025 19:42

I don't believe this thread is real. A single thinking about telling his daughter to move out for a woman he barely knows.

WomenInConstruction · 13/01/2025 20:59

MrPepInHisStep90 · 13/01/2025 19:42

I don't believe this thread is real. A single thinking about telling his daughter to move out for a woman he barely knows.

I hope you're right and if it is real I hope the DD never finds out.

Alleycat50 · 13/01/2025 21:03

How old are you? How old is your partner?

justasmalltownmum · 13/01/2025 21:08

No. Too soon for everyone

SexAndCakes · 13/01/2025 21:09

WomenInConstruction · 13/01/2025 16:23

I think the whole tone of the op suggests that the girlfriend really wants to move in and is applying pressure, but op isn't so convinced but is allowing himself to feel bulldozed.

Just state that it's too soon, the timing is bad for many reasons and you won't even entertain it for another twelve months.

If that's taken to indicate some lack of commitment or love on your part then you've got your answer as to why, at least in part, the previous relationship didn't work (unreasonable).

If the relationship isn't solid enough to withstand that perfectly reasonable position then it was never good enough to consider this in the first place.

Show quote history

I agree that OP is likely being bulldozed. This sounds like something the partner is saying to him: she is 26 now and should be branching out on their own

SwimBikeRunBake · 13/01/2025 21:18

You say you are a high earner and she "does OK"...yet she is living in a rented 1 bedroom flat? Seems like this is the reason she is pressuring you to let her move in.

Wherearemymarbles · 13/01/2025 21:57

Why doesnt she get on well with your daughter??

My guess is she see’s her as a threat to getting what she wants, ie you, your house and money
next step will be showing your commitment by marrying her. Then there’ll be the mirror wills and you’ll die 1st and your hard work will end up going to her daughter and yours will end up with fuck all.

is she quite bit younger than you?
Give your head a wobble, stop thinking with your cock and start being rational.
and if she is still of child bearing age for fuck sake use a condom, if not 2!!

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