Partner wouldn't make me a hot water bottle ...

[iwantamilluin]

We have been together 5 years and both female (so you think she would understand)
Lying in bed tonight and I have really really painful period cramps (I have endometriosis) I had taken some painkillers but wouldn't ease it.
I asked her would she make me a hot water bottle.
She said "you make your own,I'm in bed now too "
I told her I was in too much pain but it was okay.
I have been lying here for 15 mins clearly in agony and she's just watching television.
Last week she had a cold
I was making her lemsip,running her a bath etc

Was I asking too much ?
I've just filled it up with hot tap water which is better than nothing.
I'm honestly in agony and we have 2 dogs so if I go downstairs they will be jumping all over and I just can't be bothered

I think unfortunately you have a partner problem. You’ll happily do something that is effort for them because you care but they won’t.
I wouldn’t be surprised if this was the only thing. Relationships only really thrive when both parties make an effort.

You were not asking too much and you know that already. Now pan out and look at the bigger picture of your relationship...is this an anomaly or just another example of how you don't feel quite as loved/appreciated as you know deep down you deserve to be. 💐

How mean and rude. I’ve left people for less. She needs to go.

Someone who has no sympathy for you when you’re ill is no friend of yours.

It honestly really upset me
I've just went and made my own as I was in agony
Hopefully helps a bit

She's not very nice is she? Has she suddenly turned uncaring or has she always had a selfish streak which you've overlooked?

Dunelm sell electric hot water bottles and I love mine. I just lean out of bed for the plug socket, wait 15 minutes, then switch off and cuddle. Order one tomorrow ❤
https://www.dunelm.com/product/rechargeable-hot-water-bottle-1000250512?colour=Light+Grey

Thats really rude. She could at least bring the kettle upstairs.

As someone who lives alone and has to get painkillers and hot water bottles for myself no matter how much pain I'm in, struggling to find much sympathy here...

It's not kind, I'd be concerned at how much support I would get if injured/ill etc. is this typical for her or is she dismissive of period pain?

I wouldn’t have to ask dh, he would ask me if I wanted a hot water bottle/a bath etc if he knew I was struggling or in pain (and I equally would for him too!)

What a horrible reply.

I'm single and living with young DC, so don't have anyone to help/look after me.
However I still have sympathy for OP.

Having a partner who is happy to lie next to you and watch tv while you're in pain and being asked to help is horrible. That would upset me and hurt my feelings as I'd feel like I wasn't being treated with love and respect by someone I loved. Especially if I'd looked after them the week previously.

That's a whole different scenario from being on your own. I'd prob rather be on my own tbh

You weren't asking too much.

You can’t find sympathy for someone in pain who has just discovered what a shit their partner is? Lovely.

It would do me too! Sometimes I’ve been in pain or my partner has ( male) and we’ve got ourselves out of bed to do whatever it takes to make the other comfortable.
My ex husband wasn’t like this though … he once left me on the floor after I had fainted and berated me for scaring the kids.
I hope you feel better, it’s very painful and it’s more painful that period pains ( both awful though).
Talk to her when you are better as this isn’t on.

Exactly this and one of the main reasons for divorcing ex.

She's a dick. Some people are stingy with money. Others are stingy and selfish with their time.

What would she do I wonder if you developed another condition? What about growing old together??

@TheBoysAndTheBallet Don't be utterly daft. One of the perks of having a partner is that people can be there to support each other in times of need, not carry on as normal exactly as if they were single.

It’s definitely unkind, yeah.

Is this her standard behaviour or is it out of character? If the latter, I’d be inclined not to make too much of a big deal of it. Maybe just mention it when you’re feeling better.

My hubbie can be like this. Good in other ways but a rubbish career. Xx

This type of comment/attitude is probably the reason you're alone.

It's not that difficult to try and understand something from another person's perspective/situation. 🙄

Not very kind,is she?

Moving forward,order yourself an electric hot water bottle,you can keep it by your bed and just plug it in and 2 mins later it's done. I love mine and it saves traipsing downstairs when you're feeling shite. Best 20 quid I've spent.

When you feel better have a good think about whether you want to continue to share your life with someone who is happy not to help the person they are meant to love when they're in pain.

She sounds a bit insensitive. I suffered for years with endo and it’s horrible and debilitating and misunderstood. I’m sure you know this but be careful with the water bottle. Remember the condition is inflammatory so don’t put the hot bottle right on the abdomen however tempting that might be. Make yourself a nice hot drink. And don’t offer one to anyone else!

I always think we need a bit more context for these AIBUs.

You are generally a positive person and this is the first time you’ve asked her to get out of bed to fetch you something for a long time: YANBU

You’re a bit of a drama llama and you’ve sent her downstairs for something every day this week: YABU

She has endometriosis. There's nothing "drama llama" about that. What an awful post.

That’s lousy! I would be pretty upset at that. I know what that pain is like and it’s horrible.

thats rubbish, my husband always says ‘do you need anything?’ When I am ill. Last night I had an ibs flare up and he slid my phone under the bathroom door and said ‘if you need me, send me a text’ lol