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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Partner wouldn't make me a hot water bottle ...

68 replies

iwantamilluin · 12/01/2025 21:51

We have been together 5 years and both female (so you think she would understand)
Lying in bed tonight and I have really really painful period cramps (I have endometriosis) I had taken some painkillers but wouldn't ease it.
I asked her would she make me a hot water bottle.
She said "you make your own,I'm in bed now too "
I told her I was in too much pain but it was okay.
I have been lying here for 15 mins clearly in agony and she's just watching television.
Last week she had a cold
I was making her lemsip,running her a bath etc

Was I asking too much ?
I've just filled it up with hot tap water which is better than nothing.
I'm honestly in agony and we have 2 dogs so if I go downstairs they will be jumping all over and I just can't be bothered

OP posts:

Barney16 · 13/01/2025 09:40

That's just very mean and self centered.

Pamelaaaaarrr · 13/01/2025 09:44

Apart from the partner issue - don't use a kettle to fill your hot water bottle 😑 Should always be hot tap water anyway, I've seen horrific burns from this. You'll be in a lot more pain if it bursts - and this is more common than you think!

lovelysunshine22 · 13/01/2025 09:44

@Chuchoter but they were clearly not that unwell! Just because you ask someone to do something it doesn't mean they "HAVE" to do it! Lets be honest period pains are not an illness.

Tortielady · 13/01/2025 09:45

I've needed a water bottle this past week too. I'm prone to cramps in my legs and feet and the cold weather exacerbates them, but a hot water bottle under a pillow (under my feet) helps. My DH always gets one for me, just as I fossick about for the Sudafed when his sinusitis flares up. For what it's worth, when periods were a thing, he was never less than kind and supportive.

We could take care of these things ourselves, but a considerate partner would rather help you if they can. It seems that your DP is happy enough to accept your help when she's not well, but isn't so keen to reciprocate. I can understand why this is so jarring, especially given how serious endometriosis is and the pain and debility it causes. You'd probably give a great deal to be free of it!

I'd give serious thought to whether you want to spend your life with someone whose well of empathy is as shallow as your DP's seems to be.

Chuchoter · 13/01/2025 09:52

lovelysunshine22 · 13/01/2025 09:44

@Chuchoter but they were clearly not that unwell! Just because you ask someone to do something it doesn't mean they "HAVE" to do it! Lets be honest period pains are not an illness.

She has endometriosis which is an illness and can be very painful, much more so than ordinary period pains.

litepop · 13/01/2025 09:52

lovelysunshine22 · 13/01/2025 09:44

@Chuchoter but they were clearly not that unwell! Just because you ask someone to do something it doesn't mean they "HAVE" to do it! Lets be honest period pains are not an illness.

@lovelysunshine22 Endometriosis (which is what the OP is suffering from) is absolutely an illness.

Nobody said her partner HAD to get her the hot water bottle. We're simply saying if it was us, we'd be questioning if the type of person who refused the request is the type of person we'd want to spend our lives with

lovelysunshine22 · 13/01/2025 10:01

Its doesn't make a person a " bad partner" if they are comfortable in bed and don't want to get up and make you a hot water bottle. How dramatic would you have to be to think that? As i stated op was clearly not in unbearable pain as she was able to concentrate enough to post on here ( ex hcp here) so she was more than capable of looking after herself. Nothing wrong with her asking but also nothing wrong with her partner refusing.

Original poster

iwantamilluin · 13/01/2025 10:12

My period pains are a lot worse because of the endo.
I have it on my bowel and pouch of Douglas
I get to day 14 of my cycle and I'm unwell
Backache ,leg ache ,stomach issues
Last night I was getting the cramps with probably a minute break between the intense ones.
I went down for the hot water bottle because I know it helps and I couldn't stand all night with the pain.
Painkillers don't touch it for me

I'm also not saying she's a bad partner because she isn't but she expects 100% of me when she's ill but that's never reciprocated

OP posts:

Chuchoter · 13/01/2025 10:13

Typing on a device whilst in pain is not the same as getting up and going downstairs to put the kettle on where her dogs would have greeted her and jumped all over her in excitement!

Some very callous people on here.

Pamelaaaaarrr · 13/01/2025 10:25

I'm also not saying she's a bad partner because she isn't but she expects 100% of me when she's ill but that's never reciprocated

@iwantamilluin More fool you then! Treat her the way she does you.

BunnyLake · 13/01/2025 10:39

lovelysunshine22 · 13/01/2025 10:01

How can being in bed and on MN be comparable to getting up and going downstairs to fill a hot water bottle? It’s not the same at all.

BunnyLake · 13/01/2025 10:43

lovelysunshine22 · 13/01/2025 09:44

@Chuchoter but they were clearly not that unwell! Just because you ask someone to do something it doesn't mean they "HAVE" to do it! Lets be honest period pains are not an illness.

You’ve obviously not experienced crippling period pains that can almost feel like having the flu. I suffered terribly from them, couldn't function for a couple of days, including unable to go to work, plus bad migraine type headaches etc and I didn't even have endometriosis!

Ellie56 · 13/01/2025 11:02

"I'm also not saying she's a bad partner because she isn't but she expects 100% of me when she's ill but that's never reciprocated."

@iwantamilluin

She may not be a bad partner, but from where I'm standing she certainly doesn't sound like a good partner. A good partner would be kind and considerate; she sounds more like an uncaring selfish cow.

You can do better than her.

JustJoinedRightNow · 13/01/2025 12:09

lovelysunshine22 · 13/01/2025 09:44

@Chuchoter but they were clearly not that unwell! Just because you ask someone to do something it doesn't mean they "HAVE" to do it! Lets be honest period pains are not an illness.

Comments like this show what women who suffer from endometriosis are up against. Honestly.

ItFellOffAgain · 13/01/2025 12:29

Itsalwaysfools · 13/01/2025 08:20

That's definitely not what misogyny is.

Show quote history

Misogyny is also an attitude; assumimg because a person if female 'they should understand what a woman wants' is that attitude.

ItGhoul · 13/01/2025 12:56

You weren't asking too much and she sounds like an arsehole.

StMarie4me · 13/01/2025 15:01

TheBoysAndTheBallet · 12/01/2025 22:29

As someone who lives alone and has to get painkillers and hot water bottles for myself no matter how much pain I'm in, struggling to find much sympathy here...

No helpful. OP is supposed to have a caring and loving partner. Who was neither.

CorduroySituation · 13/01/2025 15:52

TheBoysAndTheBallet · 12/01/2025 22:29

As someone who lives alone and has to get painkillers and hot water bottles for myself no matter how much pain I'm in, struggling to find much sympathy here...

Ugh, I can see why you are single, your lack of empathy is horrible.

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