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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is my (22F) colleague(35M) unethical?

63 replies

Josline · 11/01/2025 16:52

So I 22F work abroad in Norway as an IT consultant. I got an internship during my final year of uni and through that I actually got a job offer.

Even though I work as an IT consultant our office is very female dominated. Since we're perfume company. Everything except production is happening in our building.

I just started working here 3 months ago but my internship was 4.5 months. So I have a bit of grasp on Norwegian culture. They're fare more sexually liberated here than almost anywhere. Nothing wrong with it just a bit of a culture shock. Its pretty normal for colleagues of different departments to have relationship's with one another.

There's another "expat" in our company from Iran. He works at research and development as a chemical engineer. But most of his job is consulting designers if they're ideas are feasible from an engineering perspective. So he works with mostly women a lot of time. He's 35 years old and from the time I spend with him he seems solid. Very relaxed, kind and very respectful. He tries not to bother anyone and he's very good at his job. He already speaks Norwegian and Swedish since he came here when he was 23 right after getting his degree a in Sweden. The man likes to keep to himself he usually hangs out with two other engineers. But he definitely socializes with everybody. Let's call him Reza for now.

Reza is quite popular at our company since he works here for so long now. He's also popular with the women of the office. He's very tall,works out and still has his hair so it's not very surprising . At lunch some women including me were talking about men in the office. Reza came up, I started chuckling since I knew Reza was quite the quiet guy. They noticed and asked why i chuckled. I told them why and they all started laughing. They said you must not know who Reza is then. The told me that Reza is a known womenizer. Which I found very surprising. They then continued and said he slept with multiple women working at our office. I mean it's not unusual but I just didn't expect it.But here comes my concern.

They then proceeded to tell me who he went out with. They said a few names and one woman was 20 the other one 21 and another one 23. A few other ones were 33,38 and 41.

I thought the first two were very concerning since they were 19 and 20 respectively when it happened. He was about 33/34 at the time. I spoke to them and they said they had great time. Aswell as the fact that he treated them respectfully.

Do you guys think this behaviour is weird?

OP posts:
PickAChew · 11/01/2025 16:53

Are you in Sweden or Norway?

devastatedagain · 11/01/2025 16:54

I don't think it's weird no. Were you considering dating him yourself?

EltonJohnsLabrador · 11/01/2025 16:55

This reply has been deleted

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Josline · 11/01/2025 16:56

PickAChew · 11/01/2025 16:53

Are you in Sweden or Norway?

My internship was in Sweden then I got place in a Norwegian division sorry for the confusion. But the two countries are very similar the language is not the same but they can pretty much understand eachother.

OP posts:
SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 11/01/2025 16:58

Why do you find this weird?

Josline · 11/01/2025 16:58

devastatedagain · 11/01/2025 16:54

I don't think it's weird no. Were you considering dating him yourself?

Not at all he's a bit old he looks young though.

OP posts:
Josline · 11/01/2025 17:00

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 11/01/2025 16:58

Why do you find this weird?

You don't think a 30 plus year old sleeping with a 19 year old is weird?

OP posts:
LauraNorda · 11/01/2025 17:01

Just butt out. They are both consenting adults and have no need to take your view on things.

Pinkbonbon · 11/01/2025 17:05

I think its weirder that you went and asked these young women about their sex lifes off the back of gossip. Ick. You're the creepy one op.

And now he's going to think you're into him.

Darby3785 · 11/01/2025 17:07

You don't need to concern yourself with what your colleague has been up to. Yes age differences can cause a bit of a moral/ethical dilemma but if two consenting adults want to hook up and are free to do so...then, that's nothing to do with yourself.
If you feel he's a bit "old" there's your answer for if you were thinking of hooking up with him yourself!

Rokubox · 11/01/2025 17:07

No, consenting adults over the age of 18 can have sex with who they want. You’re the weird one, OP.

SolarWinds · 11/01/2025 17:08

He's very tall,works out and still has his hair

Having all your hair at 35 isn't particularly noteworthy is it?

ShadowsOfTheDays · 11/01/2025 17:11

Your concern is weird. They're all adults. Back off I reckon.

MrsSkylerWhite · 11/01/2025 17:11

35 is a bit old?

Ah, the black and white surety of youth. 🤣

They're all consenting adults.

I went out with a 35 year old when I was 21. It was great. He taught me a lot (as I did he).

Pinkbonbon · 11/01/2025 17:11

SolarWinds · 11/01/2025 17:08

He's very tall,works out and still has his hair

Having all your hair at 35 isn't particularly noteworthy is it?

I thought this too...

Then again, maybe he also still has all his own teeth...

Mooselooseinmyhoose · 11/01/2025 17:12

"He still has his hair"... he's 35 ffs! It's weird you care what consenting adults are doing enough to start a thread.

Josline · 11/01/2025 17:15

Pinkbonbon · 11/01/2025 17:11

I thought this too...

Then again, maybe he also still has all his own teeth...

A third of men lose a noteworthy amount of hair at 30 and he's pushing forty.

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 11/01/2025 17:16

Josline · 11/01/2025 17:15

A third of men lose a noteworthy amount of hair at 30 and he's pushing forty.

Edited

Well I mean no, he's not, he's 35. 39 would be pushing 40.

Barrenfieldoffucks · 11/01/2025 17:18

I think your level of interest in tracking the movements of this whole shenanigan is a bit odd.

MrsSkylerWhite · 11/01/2025 17:19

At you offended that you appear to be the only person he hasn’t hit on 🤣

Christwosheds · 11/01/2025 17:21

SolarWinds · 11/01/2025 17:08

He's very tall,works out and still has his hair

Having all your hair at 35 isn't particularly noteworthy is it?

What I was thinking !

Josline · 11/01/2025 17:21

MrsSkylerWhite · 11/01/2025 17:19

At you offended that you appear to be the only person he hasn’t hit on 🤣

From what I know de doesn't like me but that's not the point.

OP posts:
Christwosheds · 11/01/2025 17:23

Josline · 11/01/2025 17:15

A third of men lose a noteworthy amount of hair at 30 and he's pushing forty.

Edited

At thirty I only only knew one man who had lost a “noteworthy” amount of hair. I really don’t think it is that common to be so balding in your late twenties that by thirty you are visibly bald.

Arlanymor · 11/01/2025 17:25

Not sure why you're indulging in office gossip - why on earth is it anyone else's business what happens between the sheets in the bedrooms of consenting adults? I think it's gross that this is a topic of conversation in your work place.

Foggyflumpet · 11/01/2025 17:26

Are you sure you're 22? You seem to have a very odd view of a man who's only 13 years older than you!

But then, I guess I'm coming from the other side (and some) of 35. I reckon 35 is the best age for a man.

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