My mother not respecting my rules with my child

[NoisyLilacExpert]

My mum is the middle man (third person) between me & my co parent

Me and co parent don't have the best relationship hence why we need a third person.

So my mums job is to just reply to any messages my co parent sends her regarding our baby. That is it!

Today co parent was sending my mum paragraph after paragraph asking her to please "have a word with me" about unblocking him and being civil.

I've tried this numerous times it doesn't work. I'm over the relationship but co parent isn't. Co parent still "wants his family back" that is long gone for me.

Then after the paragraphs he asked my mum to send him a picture of the baby as she must of told him in a reply that she was babysitting out baby. She messaged me to tell me what he's been messaging her and I told her to stop engaging in conversation & do not send him a picture of the baby as today is not one of his days that he is having the baby. Tomorrow is his day.

Anyways when she dropped baby home she slipped up that she had sent a picture of the baby to him. I didn't say anything at the time but since she's left I'm really not happy about this. I told her not to and she said okay, she clearly have ignored me about my own child

I don't care if he is the baby's father, it isn't his day to communicate with my mum/me

We've been advised to not communicate on days that are not his days by police and womans aid. My mums knows all of this and isn't helping the situation

Am I being sensitive or is my mum wrong for this

Your mums job ? How unpleasant

You're not listening. We all know full well your mum is innocent. The problem is you're blaming her instead of your ex and you refuse to understand that you're being very unfair on her. You need to find another solution to communicating with the ex so that she can block him and not get it in the neck from both of you.

Look....

he is a shithead and your mother is susceptible to manipulation.
She's doing her best is probably conflicted over the whole thing... you cant even deal with his headwrecking for heavens sake!

Your anger is directed at the wrong person as it should be at him, for not being able to respect a simple boundary.

Stop this BS now and go via a contact centre. He can pay.or he can not. His problem.

Stop creating friction with a person whose support and love you prob need now more tha ever (your mother)

She offered to be the middle man.

I told her yes that's okay aslong as conversations only invovle days and times he's seeing our child. Nothing more nothing less.

So yes, in the situation she had ONE JOB

And she's clearly not sticking to it

I'm not slating my mum I'm honestly not. I for one know how manipulating he is

Op, you are coming across badly here. Pp are all telling you that you are putting your Mum in an unreasonable position. You are. Use a parenting app for communication and take the pressure of your poor Mum.

None of this should have been her job. She shouldn't have to deal with her daughters failed relationship, it's YOUR job. And she is babysitting for you of course. All she gets in returns being slagged off on MN

Your mother kindly offered to help, as it turns out she's not able to deal with a narcissist, that's not her fault.

What you can do is get your mum a new phone or number so he has no more access to her via text and calls.
Then you start up with the contact centre since he can't be trusted.

That is all you can do, stop being cross with your mother, allow her to be nan and not your go between.

I agree with others op that you are better off using an app and not having anyone deal directly with your ex. That way if he's misusing the app or sending other communication that can be seen as harassment.

I'm not entirely sympathetic to your mum to be quite honest. Obviously given who you're involved with for support this guy has been abusive towards you and your child so it makes sense you can't have direct communication with him. I think it's sad how many women will display poor boundaries to appease a man who has harmed his family. If I was your mother I'd want to see him in prison and I certainly wouldn't be engaging in pleasantries. I've been the middle person on behalf of my sister who's ex is abusive and had zero issue shutting down his attempts to weasel his way in or try to manipulate the situation.

Clearly your mum isn't dealing with it irregardless so ask her to show that she blocked him and deleted his number and use an app instead.

I find it a little controlling that you are trying to tell your mother what level of conversation she can have with him.

Fucking hell OP

Get over yourself

Your mother isn't your PA

Stop this middle man bollocks and sort a co-parenting app or contact centre

You're not co-parenting - that would involve communication. You're not doing that, just taking advantage of your 'weak' mum

Get a parenting app to be the middle man, which you only turn on an hour before, during, and an hour after contact.

You sound very entitled towards your mum.

I'm not slating my mum I'm honestly not. I for one know how manipulating he is

Yes you are. From the very title of your OP through many of your posts, it's her that your focusing your irritation on.

She offered. It's not working. So you release her from the task and either find someone else, use the app, or use the contact centre.

You can't control what he does. Your mum can't control what he does either. Your mum clearly is struggling to maintain and enforce the boundaries. Therefore,she is the wrong person to be the middle man. I think you need to take the responsibility off of her. I think the contact centre is probably a better option in the short term. Do you have someone else who could potentially be the middle man in the future?

Your mum probably volunteered because it’s the right thing to do as a caring parent/gran who hasn’t had a problem with your ex.
She doesn’t understand that she’s been sucked into his games and won’t/can’t treat him in a business like manner and limit him to chat like what time he is picking the baby up.
Your title makes it sound like you place some blame on her and we are saying that as the person who can see things more clearly, you need to stop using her as a solution and rescue her from his manipulations. Even if she can’t/never sees it like you do, you know him and need a solution that’s going to work for at least the next decade (until baby is old enough to have a phone )

Yeah your posts and the laungage your using about your mother are absolutely wild.

She doesn't have any job. You choose him to have a child with. It's your job.

She isn't responsible for your relationship, lack of or either of your inability to sort your shit out regarding your own child.

If you want control back over it sort it out yourself via any one of the number of options you have, contact centre or a parenting app.

You should arrange access via contact centre as this isn’t working.

No unsupervised access to baby for mother until she’s realised how serious the situation is.

I do agree with PP that she’s in a very difficult position, but you say she volunteered? Some people love being in the middle of all the drama.

Why don't you just grow the F up and communicate like an adult with your ex, and stop putting your poor mum in this impossible situation.
You were the one that created a baby with your ex, now deal with it!

Jeez op listen to what everyone has said and look for an alternative, contact centre or app. She shouldn't be put in this vulnerable situation where he can manipulate her and use her. And for god's sake stop giving off at your mum, you've put her in this situation

Luckily you've clearly never been invovled with a abusive narcissist. There is no such thing as communicating like adults

Then you know your mum shouldnt have to be trying to be in the middle of communication then also

Did your ex abuse you? Is baby even safe with him?

Mentally/verbally yes
Physically no

As per PP’s said for whatever reason your mum is not able to do what you want her to do in regards to your ex. Make other arrangements to deal with that aspect and let her just be a supportive mum and a loving grandma. Don’t risk losing the good relationship you have with her over the issue of your ex trying to get at you through her, don’t let him win at his manipulative games.

Grow up and deal with it yourself or go via a contact centre.
This is not your Mum's 'job".

On the off-chance this is real, get some self awareness OP because you clearly have no idea how awful you sound.