DH says our sex life is too boring

[CaMouse]

DH and I are mid 40’s, been together since we were 19.

He said last night that he finds our sex life unsatisfactory as we don’t do some of the less vanilla things that we used to do. I’m not going to give specifics of those obviously, but it’s nothing I’ve ever not enjoyed.

The problem is that my libido has plumbing in peri-menopause and I’m not allowed to take HRT. I don’t climax as easily as I used to. Something I have sex purely to keep the emotional closeness going.

What do we do about the discrepancy in sexual needs?

For many women, spreading their legs to stop him from nagging:

1. Makes you feel utterly devalued as a person, like you're a Fleshlight not a human being.
2. Physically hurts.
3. Makes you resent your husband for putting you through that.

What kind of man knows that his wife doesn't want sex and puts his dick in her anyway? One who is half a step away from raping her.

You say "I have to do it". You are being abused by someone who places his desires way ahead of yours

Sometimes no sex is better than dull sex. He hasn't complained about the frequency, just the quality.
It's good he feels comfortable discuss this with you, so just arrange a better time (in the near future). Of course if you're not willing to do more than is currently happening, you should be honest with him about that too.
Better than everyone festering and resentment poisoning your relationship.

t really felt like a “poor me” moment. He’d been thinking about it on his cycle ride home from hockey practice.

I'm just noting that he has time for hockey and cycling. I wonder how much time OP has for personal interests and fun things, as well as how much of the household grunt work her husband takes on. I would be a bit miffed if the narrow window of 'me time' I had was expected to be devoted to finding and then wearing sexy underwear to enhance the 2-3 times a week sex we're having.

He's an insensitive, selfish SHIT.

You've gone through: "whereas I’ve been through childbirth, a miscarriage, breast cancer and the peri-menopause", and this cunt is complaining that you're not dressing up in a basque and suspenders, and lord knows what else on the 2-3 times he's getting sex every week. He should be ashamed of himself.

His sulky man-child complaint about the quality of sex would make my vagina clamp shut. Stuff him!

I work 3 days a week, so I do get enough me time. I don’t like going out in the evenings as a fixed thing. Tuesday is his only night out.

I’ll have a look at Vagifem. But please can PP stop suggesting other forms of HRT. I take Tamoxifen and will be sticking to the advice of people who have seen my medical records.

We had a chat last night, I couldn’t leave it. We agreed it’s about balance. I pointed out that we’ve talked about what underwear I DO like to wear before.

You have a new job.
Your focus is ensuring you have enough energy to enjoy the training, new friendships and opportunities that come with a new job.
If he feels the need to distract you from all the above not to bring you flowers or cook for you then don't entertain his games.
Your sex life has/is the same as it was last month. If he doesn't like it, he will have to wait until a more mutual time.
In the meantime, maybe he could look at clothing for himself?

This post resonates so much with me OP. I'm only 28 but in the last couple of years I've given birth, beaten cancer, had two surgeries and gone through menopause. It's definitely taken its toll on me and I no longer feel like I want sex either. I am on HRT but it doesn't seem to have helped much.

Unfortunately I don't have any answers for you. We have sex twice a week and like you I do it to please my partner. He also complained recently about not really feeling like I was into it and I've tried to be more enthusiastic. He does genuinely want us to both enjoy but unfortunately I just don't. I like our relationship too much to want it to end over a lack of sex though so it is what it is really.

I guess you just have to decide if your relationship is worth it. Not easy though I know.

Why does he think this falls on your shoulders. Is he being selfish? How will he do things differently to make it more appealing for you. Maybe then it will be better for him. He has to give, not just take.