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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband gets angry then sulks if we don’t have sex

71 replies

ThatFunRubyHelper · 04/01/2025 22:05

Writing this just as DH has thrown slammed his clothes and told me to get out of the room after we tried to have sex, but we couldn’t as he told me he felt resistance down there so couldn’t get it in.

Me and DH have sex on average once per week. He often complains about this frequency however I am a full time worker with a long commute so I am often too tired. Sometimes I end up putting out, but if I’m not so in the mood so I don’t really end up very wet.

DH has complained about this to me in the past. He has complained that this isn’t normal for a young couple. Today, the above happened(things like this have happened a few times). I know that he will be ignoring me / being very quiet for the rest of today, possibly into tomorrow.

When we have sex it’s fine and he remains in a good mood, however today I wasn’t in the mood but I tried , but he said that I’m blocking him down there and got frustrated.

Otherwise DH is very kind to me- but when he doesn’t get sex this happens. In all other settings he’s good to me. When he does do this, it just puts me off even more though. I’m feeling quite upset at the moment, just wanted a rant as I’ve not told anyone about this.

Should I try harder , maybe push myself to twice per week?

OP posts:
BellissimoGecko · 04/01/2025 22:19

Op, this is not normal. Your h is abusive and a sex pest. He coerces you into sex and uses silent treatment to make you have sex. This is coercive behaviour, and it's illegal.

Instead of considering shagging this specimen twice a week, I suggest you see a divorce lawyer.

You should only be having sex you want. Not sex you are badgered into.

fourelementary · 04/01/2025 22:34

“Felt resistance” so he means he didn’t put any effort in to help turn you on? And he’s thrown a strop? Fuck that- not him. Ditch him for sure. If he wasn’t such a Pratt maybe you’d want sex more often?

thepariscrimefiles · 04/01/2025 22:34

He is forcing you to have sex that you don't want and then blaming you for it and sulking for days. He sounds absolutely awful. I don't think you should stay with him.

SabreIsMyFave · 04/01/2025 22:37

Jeez @ThatFunRubyHelper PLEASE, if you have no children, leave this man. This is actual abuse. He is not being 'kind' to you, (when he isn't demanding sex!) he is buttering you up so he can get sex more often - urgh GROSS! (Sorry!) Flowers

Coffeemmmmcoffee · 04/01/2025 22:37

OP - kindly- you do know this is very wrong don’t you? This is not the behaviour of a loving partner. Or even a half way decent one to be honest .

Please confide in this to a women’s aid helpline or counsellor who can confirm this is abusive and help you work out how to respond.

TwistedWonder · 04/01/2025 22:38

Another pathetic sulky man child who thinks sex on demand is his right and throws a tantrum when he doesn’t get his own way.

No OP, you shouldn’t have to force yourself to have sex with a coercive tosser. I’d be seriously rethinking my relationship in your shoes

IamfeelIamveryfeel · 04/01/2025 22:38

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

vodkaredbullgirl · 04/01/2025 22:39

Let him sulk, you shouldn't have to force yourself to have sex with him.

Pinkissmart · 04/01/2025 22:41

He is ‘decent’ in other areas of your life in order to facilitate this behaviour. Which is very wrong.

This is a bad man

username299 · 04/01/2025 22:41

Coerced sex is rape. You're trying to force yourself to have sex you don't want because when you have sex your husband is nice to you.

A man who is only nice to you when he gets what he wants is abusive.

You could contact Rape Crisis to discuss this.

sprigatito · 04/01/2025 22:45

He's "kind to you" most of the time because he gets to coerce you into having sex he knows you don't want.

There's no better future with a man like this, no chance he's going to turn into a decent human being who respects you. Men like this don't see women as people. To him, you are a hole with a slightly complicated lock. Being "kind", being sulky, being coercive - these are his keys to the lock. You deserve much, much better.

Pigeonqueen · 04/01/2025 22:50

What on earth have I just read? 😳

No wonder your vagina doesn’t want anything to do with him.

Get rid.

WhydontyouMove · 04/01/2025 22:50

This is awful. He’s coercing you. Can you leave?

ArgosOrArgoose · 04/01/2025 22:54

I’l never understand why men can’t get it through their thick heads that acting like a spoilt sulky brat child, is the least attractive thing they can possibly do, fanny drier than the Sahara!!
Leave the man child ASAP, he is an entitled prick.

zeibesaffron · 04/01/2025 22:55

This is abusive and nasty - tell him to fuck off and then leave!!

His behaviour is disrespectful and disgusting- he is not nice and he is not kind - please you deserve better than this shitshow of a man!

barbarahunter · 04/01/2025 22:59

Do you want the rest of your life to be like this, OP? I was once married to a sex pest and I know how you feel.

Sazzerss · 04/01/2025 23:02

He is a nasty abusive pig.
Forced sex is coercive sex, which is rape, which is a crime.

God help you feeling you have to tolerate this.

Grumpyoldblonde · 04/01/2025 23:02

I had one like this, I tried to explain you can't shout someone into bed or sulk them into wanting you but it never struck home and I ended up dreading bedtime and ultimately leaving him.

I will never tolerate it again, not for a moment.

I just can't fathom why some men think getting angry will make their partner suddenly want them sexually.

Pinkbonbon · 04/01/2025 23:02

Sexual coercion is a crime.

You can also end up seriously injured down there if you're not lubricated enough.

If be senses resistance then he senses reluctance. He is pushing you into let him have sex with you even though he knows it isn't wanted. That's frankly, disgusting.

Sex is an act for mutual pleasure. You aren't a wank sock.

Get out of there.

LL1991 · 04/01/2025 23:05

Hi. Sorry to read this post, this is not a nice situation for you OP but I fear you are used to it so maybe can’t see it for what it is.
I’m sure the majority of people’s partners would put in some effort to get them in the mood if they said they weren’t quite in the mood but were willing to see if they could be. I certainly wouldn’t let my husband ‘try to put it in’ without a bit of work first if I weren’t completely in the mood!
The strop from him is completely unwarranted - at this point if you can’t just be a hole for him to use then he’s angry. He’s not concerned whether you are interested, or whether it may be painful for you. Out of interest, if you told him it were painful and to stop would he?
I feel for you that your question here is ‘should I put out twice a week’. Surely the question is more surrounding fixing your husband’s attitude toward sex and how he views you as an object depending on how high his sex drive is that day.

Devilsmommy · 04/01/2025 23:17

ArgosOrArgoose · 04/01/2025 22:54

I’l never understand why men can’t get it through their thick heads that acting like a spoilt sulky brat child, is the least attractive thing they can possibly do, fanny drier than the Sahara!!
Leave the man child ASAP, he is an entitled prick.

I know, surely it's glaringly obvious that sulking like a fucking child is 100% not going to make a woman want sex with you 🤷

unsync · 04/01/2025 23:31

This is sexual coercion. It is a serious criminal offence under the Sexual Offences Act 2003.

If you give in to his pestering and have sex to keep the peace, that is not consent, it is rape.

You can read more about it here: https://criminalinjurieshelpline.co.uk/blog/what-is-sexual-coercion-in-domestic-relationships/

It's OK if you didn't know this. It happened to me and I didn't realise it was this either.

What Is Sexual Coercion in Domestic Relationships? | CIH

Explore the critical issue of sexual coercion in domestic relationships, including its forms, impacts, and methods of identification.

https://criminalinjurieshelpline.co.uk/blog/what-is-sexual-coercion-in-domestic-relationships

Downunderduchess · 04/01/2025 23:36

Consent under duress is not consent. He is not a good person. You should leave, it will not get better.

Channellingsophistication · 04/01/2025 23:57

He is coercing you and punishing you by sulking when you dont comply. This will only get worse with time…

Meadowfinch · 05/01/2025 00:03

Op, this is a vile abusive man, with not a thought for you or your feelings.

The only thing to do is get rid of him.

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