Husband gets angry then sulks if we don’t have sex

[ThatFunRubyHelper]

Writing this just as DH has thrown slammed his clothes and told me to get out of the room after we tried to have sex, but we couldn’t as he told me he felt resistance down there so couldn’t get it in.

Me and DH have sex on average once per week. He often complains about this frequency however I am a full time worker with a long commute so I am often too tired. Sometimes I end up putting out, but if I’m not so in the mood so I don’t really end up very wet.

DH has complained about this to me in the past. He has complained that this isn’t normal for a young couple. Today, the above happened(things like this have happened a few times). I know that he will be ignoring me / being very quiet for the rest of today, possibly into tomorrow.

When we have sex it’s fine and he remains in a good mood, however today I wasn’t in the mood but I tried , but he said that I’m blocking him down there and got frustrated.

Otherwise DH is very kind to me- but when he doesn’t get sex this happens. In all other settings he’s good to me. When he does do this, it just puts me off even more though. I’m feeling quite upset at the moment, just wanted a rant as I’ve not told anyone about this.

Should I try harder , maybe push myself to twice per week?

This.

I really hope you aren't tied to him with kids.

I've been there. My ex pestered me for sex as quickly as possible after my birth. I did get him to wait 6 weeks but it was too soon. He was saying that he sister had already started again by that point, after she had given birth. Only afterwards did I wonder how he knew that. It seems a very strange thing to say now.

He used to sulk and accuse me of having affairs and be generally abusive and controlling, down to him checking the paper bin to see what snacks I had eaten etc. He wanted sex every night. I negotiated that down to alternate evenings. He never bothered with foreplay and I found a sexual position where our bodies overlapped the minimal amount possible. I still know the mark on the ceiling that I focused on instead. The sex didn't hurt. I just viewed it as a chore that meant that my ex was in a better mood, and hence more pleasant to me and my son for the next day or so.

I finally asked my ex to leave. He has been a terror since with lots of post separation abuse. I've had a lot of support from domestic abuse charities etc.

When I look back, it was just part of a whole pattern of emotionally abusive behaviour. Read some articles around emotional abuse and coercive control. Is he controlling you in other ways? Eg financially / your freedom?

I agree that he is selfish and that you deserve better. Good luck xxxx

Instead of feeling bad just respond - Well, your anger will restrict me from feeling in the mood for at least a month. And your pressuring of me to perform each week restricts my feelings of well being.

You are clearly not insinc sexually, Op. Do you ever feel joyful and happily instigate sex? Does DH do regular tender things for you? And you for him? Compliments, foot rubs, cups of tea? It might be a signal that your relationship has run it's course.

This is gross, OP, and the way he's behaving is not normal or OK. If you don't want to have sex then you don't have to. He sounds awful.

Op you do understand pressurising you,manipulating you, is coercing you into sex
is rape ?

you need to spell this out to him and consider reporting him

OP can you not see how wrong this is? You're attempting to have sex you don't want, you're not turned on because your husband is just sticking his penis inside you and he then blames you because you're not wet enough.

Have you never had a loving relationship where someone wants you to enjoy sex?

Having sex with someone because you're afraid of their moods if you don't comply, is the sign of an abusive relationship.

You are not a masturbatory aid, you're a human being. Don't have sex you don't want.

I think you have your answer OP - only you can decide if this is the life you want.

Let him sulk.

This man is not ‘nice’ - he is a rapist man-child. Ffs wake up op. Get rid. You deserve better.

You are not at fault here

I might be very wrong and if so accept my apology, did you choose to be with your partner? Your relationship seems a little unusual, you say he is very kind to you apart from this and he seems ignorant about sex and says your blocking him? Also he sees sex as his right. I just feel this is not a loving relationship but when other are say get rid, would that be an option for you?

If you’re not wet, you’re not aroused.

The equivalent role reversal - if he were not aroused but you wanted it - would be you insisting he stretches and ties his dick to a strip of balsa wood to hold it upwards. How does that sound?

You are not alone in this issue, my DH is the same, he has a very high sex drive, but also suffers from ED, which makes him a asshat and a moody git for days.
I am so glad I found your post, and the advice on here, I didn't click it was coercion, as he is a nice guy in every aspect, apart from having such an appetite for sex. We have been married for 25 years this year and before we were married I was his first, he has only slept with 3 others as one night stands (before we married, we separated for a year as he was too clingy), so I just put it down to him catching up so to speak, he would have sex everyday if we could.
I am in the process of lining my ducks up to leave, just because I need my own space and need to find myself.
I have been a wife and mother for 25 years, I'm only 47 this year, so f##k it, it's my time.

I'm looking to be free by 2026, so now the hard work starts!
Good luck xx
Feel free to drop a message if you ever wanna chat 😘

Wishing you well in your new chapter

My ex was similar. He wouldn't get directly grumpy but he'd sulk and generally be in a bad mood.and when I asked what was wrong id get 'nothing'. Drove me insane. Why do men think that behaving that way is attractive. In your case yours sounds abusive in which case I'd leave.

To @ThatFunRubyHelper and @Eyeball
I just wanted to say My ex was like this too. I'd never heard of Coercion or specifically sexual coercion until I went to a therapist. I'd been with him 27 years - married for 19

Too the posters saying why do women put up with this?

In my case it was because I never saw it as abuse. My ex was my first partner - i didn't have any other sexual experience and I simply didn't know any different - and of course at first it wasn't coercion - i wanted sex with him at first - and for a good few years TBF. The coercion just sneaks in while you're not aware and before you know it you're "putting out" when really you don't want to, as the OP said. Just to keep the peace.

Just wanted to say to others who have experiences this.... It's worth leaving!

With my ex - I had years of "discomfort" down there and countless rounds of thrush - because I was having sex while not aroused. I thought there was something wrong with me at the time.

Although I'm in my fifties I now have a wonderful physical relationship with my BF. Sex is easy and enjoyable! - as it should be!

Coercion is awful - and once you see it for what it is there is no going back

My first thought is that he is having problems maintaining an erection and is blaming it on you.
Also, yes he is a sex pest, as everyone else has said.

No amount if “ kindness” makes up for this

alao get tested for infections as my vagina shut up has a bacterial infection , is he faithful. To you ?

can you ask him to leave

This is sexual abuse.

Get a solicitor, but also seek support from your nearest Rape Crisis Centre. Yes, Rape.

You are feeling you should 'put out' in order to stop the anger and the sulking, and that is not enthusiastic consent to a mutually uplifting and life enhancing experience. It is an effort to keep yourself safe in a very unsafe situation. The absolutely non negotiable element of a sexual relationship is the feeling of safety a loving partner gives you.

No good, kind man would behave like this. You deserve a lot better.

He got angry because it was more difficult than anticipated to rape you. And you think this is a kind man.

Bin

This is abuse.

Please leave