Minor thing putting me off but maybe I’m being unreasonable

[joycemarie]

I’m going out with a man and we usually meet somewhere in the city for our dates.

I’m usually arriving first because that is what I always do in every situation.

He arrives bang on time but one thing that I find strange is that as he is always arriving with his earbuds in his ears, he sees me, stops 1 meter away or so right in front of me, remove his earbuds, put them in the case, put the case in his pocket and then proceeds to greet me.

It happens every time.

The reason why I find it strange is because I would either geet the person as I see them and then remove my earbuds while greeting or after OR I would remove my earbuds just before arriving.

But stand there watching him doing it while right in front of me with as little as an eye contact until he finishes what he is doing so he can acknowledge me feels weird.

@joycemarie Have now read all your responses and I still don't get your issue. If you're listening to something on EarPods you're often engaged with the story/podcast and when you're meeting your focus is on ensuring you safely pack away your EarPods so you can fully engage with the person/people you're meeting.

I really cannot see there's anything wrong with what he's doing. Maybe like me he's lost a lot of EarPods and now wants to ensure they're safely out away before engaging with something/someone else.

Blimey

I never would have thought that this is such a complicated thing to get accomplished that needs so much concentration and whatnot but I guess people are wildly different

I will try to explain for the last time

The issue is not that he puts the earpods away of course

The issue is tha he stops right in front of me but at a distance and he then do that while I watch him waiting for him to engage. There is no smile, no aknowledgement, nothing.
It is almost as if I’m invisible and it feels rude but I also guess he doesn’t know I perceive it as weird or rude and he is trying to be polite

But again I’m perfectly capable of storing earpods or anything else while walking, while smiling, while talking and manage not to lose my things

Is it because you are always early and he doesn’t get a chance to take them off before you arrive

But again I’m perfectly capable of storing earpods or anything else while walking, while smiling, while talking and manage not to lose my things

You've said this or something like this a few times.
The fact is, you can do this, he cannot.
Its as simple as that.
Maybe he loses stuff and has some techniques to help.
Do you not have any little oddities?

Try getting there after he arrives, see what his routine is then.

I wonder if he has autism and has a thing about procedure and routine.

His behaviour shows a lack of passion for the date and social awkwardness, it's like holding a finger up to pause op before she says hello. It is weird, I want a guy practically skipping excited to hug me and can't take his eyes off me not pausing a meter away and no eye contact as if he is about to walk in to his work desk. He sounds very mechanical, rigid and lacks passion. Even if we take the passion part off the table, it is bad social manners in English culture to do this.

It's no more than 30 seconds out of an otherwise good date, don't let it put you off him.

It sounds like maybe it's a prop for him - perhaps he feels awkward or unsure about what to do once he's got to you (hug, shake hands or kiss?) so by stopping just before he gets to you he doesn't need to navigate that. The earbuds allow him not to have to make that decision. Maybe he'll stop doing it if he becomes more comfortable with you.

If it puts you off, it puts you off, nobody else’s opinion will matter. I don’t think you can reasonably ask him not to, that would come across a bit strange on your part. So maybe it is not meant to be!

I think it's also ok for op to find it icky that he always loses things or can't multitask if we accept this is his process to avoid earbud loss. Alternatively he could take them off earlier so he doesn't have to stop a meter away and ignore her. He is prioritising his damn earbuds over the date and it just looks clumsy and like he can't cope with simple tasks. Imagine op excitedly waving and smiling to a man who suddenly stops and fidgets with his ears and pockets, observers will sense the weird dynamic like op is greeting the wrong person or that her date is unhappy to see her by how he is blanking her.

It's sexy to have an efficient man with the manual dexterity and mental capacity to handle saying hi while slipping his earbuds off! Op i wholeheartedly get you and with you on this one! MN and social forums in general have a large amount of Neurodivergent people who see nothing unusual of these quirks but they are unusual quirks to NeuroTypical people!

I like your analogy, you got the feeling.
It just doesn’t feel natural. And it happens over and over again and we are well past begginer stage shyiness, nervousness etc

Yes. If I’m going on a date I want to feel excited and the other’s person excitment and I’m starting to not smile too when I see him coming because I know he will not smile or acknowlede me me untill he deals with the earbuds.

Imagine you are meeting someone, anyone you like, and you see them coming towards you. Think about how your body language and facial expression change when you lock eyes or walk towards each other.
Now think about the other person just behaving like a robot.

I will chuck it up to imcompatibility and move on because it feels like we are a couple that spend the whole day together and have been doing so for the past 80 years rather than two people getting to know each other for the past 6 months.

It is bizarre you get peeved by this. Perhaps signs of underlying mental health issues or traumatic past experiences?
If you were in an abusive relationship in the past with a narcissist for example, I understand how this could make you feel inferior.

I agree with you OP that it seems a bit weird but if that is the extent of his weirdness then maybe ignore it or talk to him about it.
Does he have any other weird behaviours?

Yeah I get what you mean. Posters are being pedantic. It's as if he was on the phone in the middle of a conversation when he saw you.
Polite would be to walk up to you, nod/smile/wave to acknowledge you as he approached, still talking, then finish the call as soon as possible, and then say a "proper" hello
He's doing the equivalent of completely ignoring you until he's finished the call.

Does he do it with anything else - i.e. have to completely finish doing one thing before he can start another, when most people would break off and restart or multitask?

I think that a lot of it does come down to an individual gut feeling/sense of compatibility and it is difficult to compare it with other people because everyone is different.

It's as if he was on the phone in the middle of a conversation when he saw you.
Polite would be to walk up to you, nod/smile/wave to acknowledge you as he approached, still talking, then finish the call as soon as possible, and then say a "proper" hello
He's doing the equivalent of completely ignoring you until he's finished the call.

Nailed it

This. Why does everyone have to have earbuds in all the time? Be here now! He should be looking forward to seeing you, not listening to music until the last second.

If it bothers you it bothers you, but if the main problem is that you personally behave differently in similar situations, there will likely be more problems further down the line when you see him do something else that you wouldn't do.
His behaviour sounds very harmless and understandable to me. He catches sight of you and puts his earbuds away so that he can greet you and give you his full attention. He starts smiling about three seconds later than he might have because he's not ready to smile until he's finished. One thing at a time.
Everyone has their foibles. Some people might be disconcerted by you always arriving early!

It sounds like a really nerdy thing to do :) maybe try to look at it as his goofy quirk.

But she probably wouldn’t stop a meter away to take them out without greeting him. That’s the difference.

Now I have literally heard everything.

I’m surprised so many posters think OP is being weird. It’s the walking up to stand a metre away before doing the earbuds ceremony. So engaging OPs attention but then not giving his and making her wait until he is ready. If he did the earbud ritual whilst 10-20 m away it would be a very different dynamic as OP would not be “engaged”. Very strange and possibly a bit controlling and I would hate it too.

I wonder what he'd do if you walked off during his little ritual, OP?

FFS, the poor man is just putting his earbuds away.

It is BATSHIT to be offended by this.