Minor thing putting me off but maybe I’m being unreasonable

[joycemarie]

I’m going out with a man and we usually meet somewhere in the city for our dates.

I’m usually arriving first because that is what I always do in every situation.

He arrives bang on time but one thing that I find strange is that as he is always arriving with his earbuds in his ears, he sees me, stops 1 meter away or so right in front of me, remove his earbuds, put them in the case, put the case in his pocket and then proceeds to greet me.

It happens every time.

The reason why I find it strange is because I would either geet the person as I see them and then remove my earbuds while greeting or after OR I would remove my earbuds just before arriving.

But stand there watching him doing it while right in front of me with as little as an eye contact until he finishes what he is doing so he can acknowledge me feels weird.

I understand exactly what you mean OP.

My DP has a bit of an addiction to his phone. When I answer the door to let him in he usually has his phone in his hand and he’s looking at it. Like he can’t just get from the car to the door without checking it. The moment of ‘greeting’ is sort of stilted by him turning off the phone and putting it in his pocket before saying hello. It’s often the same when he answers the door to me at his house, phone in hand. Like he’s not quite present.

I’ve spoken to him about it and asked why he doesn’t just check his messages before he gets out of the car, but he says it takes a minute to disconnect from his car etc so he prefers to get out first. It’s a little weird quirk that I’ve got used to now, but it did annoy me in the beginning. I’ve read somewhere that the moment when you say hello sets the tone for the whole meeting, and that lovers should greet and say goodbye with a 7 second kiss to start and end their interactions on a connected note. (My ex and I would do this!)

This behaviour couldn’t be further from that connectedness! If I were meeting someone out and about I’d take the earbuds out before turning the last corner to the meeting place at least, so I wasn’t faffing as I arrived. And when I arrive at someone’s door I’ll have my phone put away so I can greet them properly.

I arrive earlier always. I’m always there first. He is punctual but I can’t help being earlier and this is for everything.
So when he arrives I’m already free from headphones. When he arrives and approaches me I have my full attention to give. BUT I know that I’d be able to multitask and remove my headphones from my ears or use my phone to stop whatever I’m listening on my way walking towards him.

But do you have to stop and do it while stationary or is it something you manage to do while walking?

TBH I prefer to use small headphones that have a short cable connecting both earbuds so I put them around my neck and they magneticallly attach so it is a lot easier to manage. I have earbuds too and when I use them I can remove while walking.

This is just such an odd thing to be put off by. Honestly, I'd understand if he was asking you to pay on dates each time, repeatedly being late, on his phone during dates but if he's otherwise a good guy I couldn't let this bother me

No, I have to stop. I can't cope with walking and putting them away because I'm concentrating on what (or who) I am walking towards and end up shoving the earbuds in my pocket (and then through the washing machine; honestly I have been through SO MANY)...I might turn to your corded headphones actually, that's a good idea, although I'd probably manage to lose those too...

Just my perspective, but I can't be unique.

Oh no this is what I do 😖

Hmm. It's a tiny thing that could indicate he sees his own time as more important than yours, as he's making you wait. I would be on the lookout for other signs. Or he could be ND.

Oh for goodness sake 😂

It tells me he is a careful and particular sort of person.
This would not bother me at all, in fact I prefer it to a chaotic person (not saying you are!).

I really think this is a small thing. How would you feel if a small quirk or your personality was picked apart like this?

@joycemarie let this poor man go now 😂

So if he arrived first, you’d have no idea that he’s doing this. It’s only because you’re always early.

Maybe if he was there first, he’d do the same routine but be waiting with AirPods firmly packed away and you’d be none the wiser.

Tbh I’d probably keep mine in if I was there first and only take them out when the other person arrived.

If it bothers you mention it but there are worse things be could do, he could be on the phone when he met you.

Actually, she said "Myself I usually disconect my headphones and put them away once I’m at the meeting point and it is the time agreed so when we meet I’m free to greet."

What if he turns up a minute early 😂

You can help being earlier, you can arrive on time to things.

Try turning up on time instead of early and seeing what happens.

You can completely eliminate the situation if it bothers you, but you're choosing not to.

100% this. You have a particular thing in that you HAVE to arrive early. He has his own little peculiarity. You absolutely have to indulge yours but at the same time don’t allow him his. Why don’t you try allowing him to arrive first for once and see what happens?

How long is it taking him to remove and put away his ear buds 30 seconds?

It's you op.

Also he could remove them much before. He doesn’t have to wait until he is 1 meter away from the OP.
But like taking them off before going in the pub/restaurant they are meeting up.

It's less "avoiding eye contact" and more "looking at what he's doing", ie putting small, easily-dropped earbuds into a small case. Maybe I'm more conscious of my klutziness than most but that's not something I do without looking.

I have both big over-ear headphones and earbuds that I keep in a case, I can obviously remove the first while walking but I always stop to take out the second (in order to put them in the case).

I also wear headphones/earbuds for as long as I can, because I'm usually enjoying the music. I'll wear them all the way into a pub just in case I'm first. I think the point at which he stops, ie when he sees you're there but before he actually gets to you, is the natural point to take them out.

If I see a friend or date wearing headphones when arriving I'll always ask them what they're listening to (and I like it when I'm asked that). Cue pleasant natter about good music.

If he was to turn up earlier I’d see him and sort whatever headphones I’m using while walking towards him
Failing that, if I had to stop to sort my headphones for some reason, I’d still smile and say something. As sorting my headphones with my hands doesn’t stop me using my mouth

Whilst what he's doing might be a bit quirky (although from posts here and my own experience with DCs, it seems fairly normal) it isn't rude or worrying.

But if it bugs you, it bugs you. This is likely a sign that you aren't compatible. Or it's a sign that you read problems into very mundane things.

Sure, but it’s the not greeting her first that’s the issue. Smile, say hello, say ‘I must just put these away’.

Is that really an issue? I don't greet anyone if I still have earbuds in (on account of music playing) and then the motion of taking them out then putting them away is something I do in one go, while stood still. And then I go up to the table and say hi. Which is what this guy seems to do too. There's nothing abnormal about that.

What table? When did I ever mention any table?

I’m standing there somewhere. Inside a station / outside a station. A meeting point. Outside a venue.

A smile would go a long way. You see someone you are going to meet, you smile. You have some kind of facial expression. Earbuds or not.

@joycemarie Haven't read the full thread in case there's some startling drip feed but I do exactly this.

The reason is overtime I've lost/misplaced so many EarPods. So when I see my friends I stop, take out my EarPods, carefully put them in their box and put it in my handbag. If I don't in the flurry of hugs, hellos, greetings there's a strong likelihood I will drop one; put them down on a table and forget them or knock one/two off or if I keep them in my handbag inevitability forget I'm holding them and drop one. I have before now just shoved the actual pods into my pocketbag but again, in addition to them losing charge, they get dirty or again get lost and possibly discarded due to the detritus in my pocket/bag.