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Original poster

Minor thing putting me off but maybe I’m being unreasonable

107 replies

joycemarie · 04/01/2025 18:38

I’m going out with a man and we usually meet somewhere in the city for our dates.

I’m usually arriving first because that is what I always do in every situation.

He arrives bang on time but one thing that I find strange is that as he is always arriving with his earbuds in his ears, he sees me, stops 1 meter away or so right in front of me, remove his earbuds, put them in the case, put the case in his pocket and then proceeds to greet me.

It happens every time.

The reason why I find it strange is because I would either geet the person as I see them and then remove my earbuds while greeting or after OR I would remove my earbuds just before arriving.

But stand there watching him doing it while right in front of me with as little as an eye contact until he finishes what he is doing so he can acknowledge me feels weird.

OP posts:
slightlydistrac · 04/01/2025 20:11

That is weird. He knows full well he is walking into a building to meet the OP, and he could easily take them out just before he arrives. It's like he is making a point of showing the OP he is interrupting his important listening, and making her wait while he does his little performance.

TheRealKatnissEverdeen · 04/01/2025 20:13

I'd probably find it strange too but after two times I'd have asked him casually about it.
I come from a culture that is more direct about these things though.

EveryOtherNameTaken · 04/01/2025 20:21

I do exactly the same when I meet somebody.

I think you become used to your earphones and only realise when you're about to speak and need to hear someone that you become aware and remove them.

I think you are being strange.

BobbyBiscuits · 04/01/2025 20:28

How do you manage to find any meaningful relationships with people if you fixate over ridiculous minutiae regarding earbuds.
Sorry, but it sounds preposterous.

Have you ever lived with a partner before? I think you might find that there are lots of small things that grate on people in relationships that should probably be overlooked. In favour of the bigger picture.

Imagine how it would feel to have someone judge you for such a minor thing.

Thepossibility · 04/01/2025 20:35

I think it's weird, I'd give a small wave and a smile at least. What he is doing is like he's pretending the earbuds are blocking his vision of you standing right there? The thought makes me chuckle actually.

wizzywig · 04/01/2025 20:36

HE'S A SPY!

Darknessandquiet · 04/01/2025 20:36

EveryOtherNameTaken · 04/01/2025 20:21

I do exactly the same when I meet somebody.

I think you become used to your earphones and only realise when you're about to speak and need to hear someone that you become aware and remove them.

I think you are being strange.

Removing them is fine.
But would you remove them, fish for the case, place earbuds inside and close it and put it in a pocket - all while standing a metre in front of the person you’re meeting but without saying hello or making eye contact with them? Yes, I know it doesn’t take long, but the delay would make me feel awkward too if I were OP.
I’d say it to him though.

KarlaKK · 04/01/2025 20:39

I also think it odd. Why don't you ignore his earbuds and what he's doing and go in for a hug and a kiss to greet him. That way he might start removing the earbuds outside the venue or further up the street so he's ready to greet you in a more relaxed way as soon as you're in front of each other.

KarlaKK · 04/01/2025 20:40

Or you could passive-aggressively walk towards him with your arms raised as if you're about to hug him with a big smile on your face that slowly fades away while he's faffing about. I'm being light-hearted here but it is a bit odd - not putting his earbuds away but doing it right at the moment he should be greeting you.

PennyApril54 · 04/01/2025 20:42

joycemarie · 04/01/2025 19:06

I think that is what I find weird. He stops right in front of me but a bit far than he walks towards me and gets close.

It feels weird standing there watching this all the time but MN declared it is me, so it must be 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

I wonder if he is a bit nervous and this is sort of a way to settle into the date, giving him a couple of seconds to compose himself etc. Could it be that?

Indicateyourintentions · 04/01/2025 20:48

He sounds persnickety. I bet when he gets out of the bath he dries each foot carefully before placing it on the bathmat.

Barnets5pSlots · 04/01/2025 20:51

Bloody hell, I sure hope you're perfect yourself OP. Imagine this being the sort of thing that would cause you issues Hmm

BeLilacSloth · 04/01/2025 21:10

OP can you just jokingly ask him why he does this, and see how he responds?

Original poster
joycemarie · 05/01/2025 13:12

It is hard to explain how it happens but let me try again

Let’s say you are on your way to meet someone. You see them and you are walking towards them. While you walk you reach the earbud case from your pocket, you remove your earbuds, put them in the case, put the case back in the pocket making it so that when you are finally close to the person you are meeting you just greet them.

OR

You are on your way to meet someone. You see them and you are walking towards them. Then you get close but stop one meter away. You remove you earbuds, put it in the case blahblahblah while the person you are meeting are just standing there watching you do all that and be open for an interaction because when you were doing your earbud thing you didn’t smile or anything and the eye contact was very brief just to let you know they saw you.
Then they proceed to greet you but it feels like there was a break in the flow of how things were supposed to go.

He could remove the earbuds, hold them in his hand and after greeting me, place it in the case. It will not get lost. Or simply click on his phone to stop whatever he is listening while he is walking towards me.

Myself I usually disconect my headphones and put them away once I’m at the meeting point and it is the time agreed so when we meet I’m free to greet.

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 05/01/2025 13:16

OP - this obviously bothers you but I think you’re ridiculously overthinking it.

I reckon if you mention it to him, he will have no idea it’s an issue or even that he’s doing it, it’s just what he does naturally.

I tend to zone out when I’m listening to music so I’m far more likely to do what he’s doing but tbh it’s not something I’ve ever really thought about.

PennyApril54 · 05/01/2025 13:21

I suppose you could just say something immediately after you get his attention when you meet along the lines of (in a jokey but serious way) 'oh I always feel so awkward in those few seconds when you're doing that and I'm just starting here like a pillock' . Id probably say this if it bothered me. See what he does next time once you've brought it to his attention as he probably has no idea.

CurlewKate · 05/01/2025 13:23

I would be put off ANYONE who didn't remove their earbuds before greeting me.

Slinkyminky22 · 05/01/2025 13:24

Yeah I agree this sounds really stilted to me. The removing and putting away could surely happen before (or during) walking up to you.
It would make me cringe standing waiting to say hello at the relevant time, instead of when we first spotted each other.

newyearnewme25 · 05/01/2025 13:25

Why are you just standing there watching if it's something that bothers you? Surely you could just walk up to him and greet him whilst he's in the midst of taking out his ear pods, overtime that interaction will then likely evolve, at the moment you're just contributing to you finding it weird

Alalalala · 05/01/2025 13:30

Yes it sounds robotic. He could smile/acknowledge you whilst removing his earbuds. It’s the fact he comes so close and stops in front of you that makes it’s strange.

Are there any other weird little controlling quirks?

Original poster
joycemarie · 05/01/2025 13:31

newyearnewme25 · 05/01/2025 13:25

Why are you just standing there watching if it's something that bothers you? Surely you could just walk up to him and greet him whilst he's in the midst of taking out his ear pods, overtime that interaction will then likely evolve, at the moment you're just contributing to you finding it weird

When I do that then I have to stop for him to do the earbud thing as he will not smile, acknowledge, talk…he will not act normally like two people meeting each other before he does his earbud thing.

Hard to explain

OP posts:
Alalalala · 05/01/2025 13:33

Maybe you should also do something weird when he’s going it. Like slowly walking backwards away from him. Or turning to the side and checking your phone. Or start singing to yourself..!

Catapultaway · 05/01/2025 13:37

joycemarie · 05/01/2025 13:12

It is hard to explain how it happens but let me try again

Let’s say you are on your way to meet someone. You see them and you are walking towards them. While you walk you reach the earbud case from your pocket, you remove your earbuds, put them in the case, put the case back in the pocket making it so that when you are finally close to the person you are meeting you just greet them.

OR

You are on your way to meet someone. You see them and you are walking towards them. Then you get close but stop one meter away. You remove you earbuds, put it in the case blahblahblah while the person you are meeting are just standing there watching you do all that and be open for an interaction because when you were doing your earbud thing you didn’t smile or anything and the eye contact was very brief just to let you know they saw you.
Then they proceed to greet you but it feels like there was a break in the flow of how things were supposed to go.

He could remove the earbuds, hold them in his hand and after greeting me, place it in the case. It will not get lost. Or simply click on his phone to stop whatever he is listening while he is walking towards me.

Myself I usually disconect my headphones and put them away once I’m at the meeting point and it is the time agreed so when we meet I’m free to greet.

Your last paragraph says you do exactly as him. He arrives at the meeting point at the agreed time and takes his earphones out 😂

Clearly he's a monster.

Alalalala · 05/01/2025 13:39

@Catapultaway the OP says she’s there first so will have removed them before he turns up.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 05/01/2025 13:40

When I have ear buds in I have to carefully remove them and put them away before I do ANYTHING else, because otherwise I put them in my pocket, bag, random place as I am talking to or greeting anyone and then I can't find them/they go through the washing machine. Does he have ADHD, OP? Because this is my excuse, although I think it's perfectly reasonable behaviour if you want to keep track of your ear buds.