Page 4 | Couples don't really feel comfortable with single people

Rosiecidar · 2025-01-02T12:15:28+00:00

Most of my friends are in relationships. Over Christmas I noticed that I would get invited to meet up for coffee or go over for lunch to find it would really just be my friend. But when we spoke about what we had been up to I kept hearing " we did X with some other couples" or "are going away with some couples" etc. Honestly, far more fun things. But one of them mentioned how she would like to join my annual trip walking which I am invited to by a friend who hires a country house; this is just really an example. It seems that when it's an experience that I am included in there's an assumption that anyone can join but if there's other couples then no single people aren't invited. Am probably feeling a bit sore as Christmas felt lonely, but can others relate to this?

Pninnette · 25/09/2025 22:17

TheSuperfluousWoman · 25/09/2025 21:50

I actually chose my username because this is an issue I was thinking about over the last days. Having been single several times in my life for a longer time - also now, and having recently turned 60, and having recently stopped working I am a bit in a phase where I am taking stock of my life. My job in an office offered me a constant flow of social contact but it was superficial. Apart from a couple of colleagues who I consider friends I will mostly never see the others again. We got along well but I never had any importance to them as a human being. Not that I thought I had but it's also the reason I stopped working. I suffered from the shallowness.
I realize that my life has to some extent been "meager" when it comes to my social life, and that this has to do with the fact that I was often single. I have for example a good friend with whom I have dinner a couple of times a year, which is really nice as I love eating out. At the same time I also know that when she throws a gathering at her place with her partner, I will never be invited. I guess if I would have a partner, especially if he would have a good job, I would probably be invited.
Sometimes it seems as if people think I am not a complete person because I am single.
I thought by myself: do these people realize that a single person has exactly the same needs as someone in a couple? It's not because we don't have a partner that we don't know what it is to have one. That we would not love to have someone that has our back, that hugs us when we come home, that laughs at our jokes, that we can plan a holiday with, that supports us when we have a bad day.
We are also people who want "to belong": be seen, be heard, be thought about, be thought of fondly. Having "witnesses" to our life.
What bothers me with women who are in a relationship is that they are often not the best friends. They are often always in a hurry and rarely are capable to really make time for you. I whatsapp with my friend and she is making her garbage bag while doing that :-(. When I say something about it she's irritated. But I don't have a lot of friends so I put up with it, although grudgingly. I think it's rude, I think I deserve better but I don't have a queue of 5 other potential friends lined up... And yes I like her but I also think she's not always nice to me.
In general: how many people can really have a conversation of an hour when you really listen to each other? Yes I know it's probably not happening in many couples either.
I have a good life with many things going for me but it sometimes gets lonely and I am afraid it won't get better with age, and this can make me very sad at times :-(.

But how much effort have you put into your friendships, in terms of making them, nurturing them etc? I have close, longtime friends whose partners I seldom or never see, for instance. It makes very little difference to me whether they’re in relationships, for instance.

I also have close, longterm single, childfree friends, or with adult children at a distance. Two of those in particular are, I think two of the most fulfilled people I know. They have an absolute gift for friendship, for starting things, contributing, bringing people together, and for living a life which is absolutely set up to cater to their own needs and preferences.

TheSuperfluousWoman · 25/09/2025 22:28

Pninnette · 25/09/2025 22:17

But how much effort have you put into your friendships, in terms of making them, nurturing them etc? I have close, longtime friends whose partners I seldom or never see, for instance. It makes very little difference to me whether they’re in relationships, for instance.

I also have close, longterm single, childfree friends, or with adult children at a distance. Two of those in particular are, I think two of the most fulfilled people I know. They have an absolute gift for friendship, for starting things, contributing, bringing people together, and for living a life which is absolutely set up to cater to their own needs and preferences.

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Oh I have put in A LOT of effort in friendships.

I am a very empathic person. I would never prepare my garbage bag while I am in a call with a friend. No, if I call a friend I will sit down and focus on only one thing: that conversation. Many people have said that I am a great listener and I think it's correct because I literally have strangers who tell me their whole life when I go somewhere. I know what is happening in the life of my friends, what is occupying them, what they are worried about, what makes them happy. I am generous with my time, attention and also with gifts.
Giving is something which I enjoy, I just wish there would be a bit more reciprocity. And I am getting too old and exhausted to run after people.
Give and take seems like a healthy principle.
We single people are not there to be at the beck and call of the coupled ones. We are not second class human beings. Unfortunately people like this "friend" of mine consider us as such.

Pninnette · 25/09/2025 22:30

TheSuperfluousWoman · 25/09/2025 22:28

Oh I have put in A LOT of effort in friendships.

I am a very empathic person. I would never prepare my garbage bag while I am in a call with a friend. No, if I call a friend I will sit down and focus on only one thing: that conversation. Many people have said that I am a great listener and I think it's correct because I literally have strangers who tell me their whole life when I go somewhere. I know what is happening in the life of my friends, what is occupying them, what they are worried about, what makes them happy. I am generous with my time, attention and also with gifts.
Giving is something which I enjoy, I just wish there would be a bit more reciprocity. And I am getting too old and exhausted to run after people.
Give and take seems like a healthy principle.
We single people are not there to be at the beck and call of the coupled ones. We are not second class human beings. Unfortunately people like this "friend" of mine consider us as such.

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What does ‘preparing a garbage bag’ involve?

TheSuperfluousWoman · 25/09/2025 22:39

Pninnette · 25/09/2025 22:30

What does ‘preparing a garbage bag’ involve?

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You seem to be of ill will and trolling.
And I'm not going to feed that troll :-D.
Bye.

Zanatdy · 26/09/2025 06:05

Quite normal to meet 1-1 when it’s a single friend. I’d much rather just meet up with my friend than their partner /DH tag along. I guess so would they. Different when there’s a couple.

Pninnette · 26/09/2025 06:36

TheSuperfluousWoman · 25/09/2025 22:39

You seem to be of ill will and trolling.
And I'm not going to feed that troll :-D.
Bye.

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I simply have no idea what ‘preparing a garbage bag’ involves, and why you think it’s unacceptable to do while on the phone to a friend.

Augustus40 · 26/09/2025 06:56

I only befriend fellow single women single men and single parents. That way we are more on the same page. Single men I keep platonic.

VegQueen · 26/09/2025 07:17

Are these couples hang outs a collection of random couples or an existing friendship group? And if an existing friendship group, is it one your part of? I think it would be very weird/rude for some old school/uni/work friends to meet up and exclude one person they’re still in touch with just because they’re single. But it seems very different if you invited for dinner a group who all know each other from uni or because their kids went to school together, and decide not to invite your single friend from work/your hobby. Not everyone likes mixing friendship groups.