DH and the ‘other woman’ - would this bother you?

[H7529]

DH became very close to his SIL…last year, things came to a head when she received a very carefully selected (planning started back in October, very unlike him) expensive Christmas present and I got a last minute, random one which he bought on the day. Other examples for their closeness were daily texts, him being emotional when talking about her or certain struggles she went through, and over sharing. Anyway, we had a conversation, he promised to do better, I since got pregnant and their contact drastically reduced.

This Christmas, we both agreed to keep presents to each other cheap-ish. I told him what I wanted and I got it (I knew he’d otherwise choose a last minute random present again). He then showed me what he got for his SIL - an expensive perfume, but he also said he bought 2 of them and the second one is an additional present for me.

I don’t know how I feel about this…it gives me some ‘me and the 2 women of my heart / sister wives’ vibes that he got us the same thing. But on the other hand I think he just tried to show me that she isn’t more important than I am, and the past might cloud my judgement.

Good spot! I read that thread, op has not been back on this thread, could be a couple of fake posts...

No, not fake, but I’m asleep at night…I don’t think the situation is as dramatic as the replies read though, I think it’s the replies that make it sound juicier than it is. Anyway, thanks all who shared their thoughts, I’ll sign off now.

@H7529 what did you hope to achieve by this post?

As I said in my OP..how others would view the same present situation. I already know that his behaviour in the past crossed boundaries but we talked through it and I wasn’t sure if the past clouds my judgement of the current situation. But it seems that the majority thinks I’m not overreacting so this gives me food for thought.

Based on my own family I’d say if anything they are MORE likely to have an affair.
and you and you BIL are foolish to be so blazé

one of my uncles has def slept with at least 2 of his SILs…a third was suspected but not confirmed. it’s an open secret. I was a young teen and it was obvious even to me. Buttt It’s Ireland so everyone just carried on, but like… it was fucking awkward. I felt terrible for his wife as it was so embarrassing and to a lesser extent my other aunts because they were lonely women who were just collateral damage in his power game

this would bother me significantly and it’s difficult to navigate because you can’t cut her out of your lives and you are going to be dismissed by your husband as just hormonal because you are pregnant

Hi OP
what did the SIL buy your DH?
what did your DH buy his DB?
please don’t sign off… we are invested to know if you are ok and if you need further advice… i know it seems like we are totally in the he’s shagging his SIL camp but you did ask how this looks to us outsiders and from what you have posted it definitely looks like this may sadly be true 😢
you may think he couldn’t possibly do this to you but if your gut instinct is to come onto here to even ask … i think you have your answer and even if on the tiniest off chance he’s been faithful to you all along … you are always going to have doubts about this SIL and any other women he may come across in the future … sending hugs ❤️

I think I'd would be focusing less on whether the perfume was weird and more on whether my husband trying to fuck his brother's wife was weird, to be honest.

I think you don't want the situation to be as 'dramatic' as it is, OP, understandably, because you've been knocked up by this poor excuse for a husband.

You have my sympathies, but I have a feeling we'll see you back here in a few years when you're ready to accept that the hundreds of women weren't wrong, but your husband was a wrong'un.
All the best

🤢
He really must think you’re stupid enough to believe this bullshit. He’s having an affair right under your nose ffs!

That sounds like a throw it back at the wife being nuts, irrational crap. His brother working away is more of an opportunity for them to play around.

I’m not interested in sensationalizing your situation, @H7529. My intent is to thoughtfully consider what you’ve written and provide advice regarding the troubling dynamic between your H and his SIL.

You’re not overreacting. H’s past inappropriate behavior with SIL is absolutely relevant now, as he has failed to put iron-clad boundaries in place. After all that has happened, it is mind-boggling that he would now gift SIL the expensive perfume. It’s another romantic gesture that speaks volumes, and he hoped to get away with it by giving you the same thing. These are not the actions of a man who wants to restore trust and be a safe partner by distancing from his OW.

If he could betray you again by making such a statement to her, it stands to reason that he has continued crossing lines with her in other ways.

I know this probably comes across as harsh but he obviously thinks you’re a mug. It’s as simple as that. You forgave his bullshit inappropriate behaviour in the past, so he thinks you’re a mug and he’s pushing it because he knows you’ll just eat it. He has zero respect for you, your marriage, his brother or his marriage either. Are you going to prove him right? Are you going to put up with his outrageous behaviour? Are you a mug?

@MsDogLady you nail it again!

He’s obsessed with her and seemingly not bothered about hiding it. Disrespectful.