DH and the ‘other woman’ - would this bother you?

[H7529]

DH became very close to his SIL…last year, things came to a head when she received a very carefully selected (planning started back in October, very unlike him) expensive Christmas present and I got a last minute, random one which he bought on the day. Other examples for their closeness were daily texts, him being emotional when talking about her or certain struggles she went through, and over sharing. Anyway, we had a conversation, he promised to do better, I since got pregnant and their contact drastically reduced.

This Christmas, we both agreed to keep presents to each other cheap-ish. I told him what I wanted and I got it (I knew he’d otherwise choose a last minute random present again). He then showed me what he got for his SIL - an expensive perfume, but he also said he bought 2 of them and the second one is an additional present for me.

I don’t know how I feel about this…it gives me some ‘me and the 2 women of my heart / sister wives’ vibes that he got us the same thing. But on the other hand I think he just tried to show me that she isn’t more important than I am, and the past might cloud my judgement.

If my dh bought his SIL and expensive bottle of perfume off his own back I would be highly suspicious to say the least. Never even mind all the other stuff. Truly bizarre.

Very, very inappropriate and I’m afraid I agree with others that you’ve been a bit daft getting pregnant by this fool.

I agree i think it's a bit inappropriate too
If my DH was buying our SIL expensive gifts and I was getting random presents, I would have a conversation!

If he was getting her expensive presents but still getting me presents that i would like and it's something they have always done as they are close, then fine but if it's new, or in more recent years, i would be inclined to think their relationship is developing into more especially if you spoke about this last year and he's still bought her an expensive gift. I would be questioning why he's disrespected you! Buying you the same isn't a get out clause in my opinion!

To show you, your more important he should have got her nothing.

Did she get him Christmas presents last year and this year? Do all the adults in the family exchange expensive gifts? It seems really odd. And perfume! Seems a bit personal when given to a member of the opposite sex.

If she is only a friend then the gift comparison should not be made against what he would get for a wife. It could safely be compared to gifts he got for other friends. So did he also buy thoughtful expensive items for his close male friends both years too?

This is a new one. He's got you so mixed up that buying his wife and wanna be bit on the side the same gift, means she's not more important than you. And you're the same as her..

Er, hello, you're his wife! You should be way above everyone else!

Throw you off the scent.

Good pun. 👍

How do you know he bought it on the day?

Why is he even buying her a present in the first place?

Are you saying you asked your husband how his brother feels about being cuckolded? And your husband said "He's cool, he knows he can trust me"?

Well, that's a surprise 🙄 Also that BIL's reported viewpoint is all about DH. In reality, BIL's more likely to be concerned about his wife cheating on him than whether he can trust his brother with her, isn't he? She isn't some valuable object, to be returned after careful use.

Your husband's in love with his brother's wife. It's well past time you talked to your brother-in-law about this and, separately, his wife.

“Hillrunning · Today 16:56

If she is only a friend then the gift comparison should not be made against what he would get for a wife. It could safely be compared to gifts he got for other friends. So did he also buy thoughtful expensive items for his close male friends both years too?”

This with bells on!

He bought you both the same perfume so that you can smell like her? It just gets worse and worse OP.

He's getting away with it in plain sight. Imagine being this much of a sleaze.

You need to raise your bar considerably.

This is absolutely appalling OP.
Its wrong on every level, surely you must know that?

OP this is not anyway shape or form acceptable.

Is his brother wealthy/buy her expensive this so doesn't see his brother's/your husband's "effort" in the same light as you?

Had this with a friend. I'm 99% certain that they weren't having a physical affair, but he was besotted with her and she encouraged it. The Christmas presents got more and more out of hand.

The Christmas I dumped him, he had five presents from her.

It's not on, OP, and don't let him gaslight you or twist things otherwise.

Christ, his explaining makes it so much worse.

Almost " look, obviously I'm not shagging her because of the family situation, you KNOW how important family is to me".

Blatantly that's all that's stopping him.
Is that meant to be reassuring??

They are fucking each other.

What did he get his brother for Christmas?

Blinkers?

Wtaf? That’s not ok.

Yeah im pretty chill. That is insane. The fact that it is a SIL and previous history Id lose it. That isnt ok. If it was a daughter or mother different story but SIL with history hell no.

What had she given him?

This is so gross but possibly true. Poor OP

This. You said last year he was being inappropriate and he is still being inappropriate. And now when he has been with her you wont even know as the perfume is the same.