In my life, I feel I have witnessed a lot of sexually inappropriate behaviour and it's making me more and more repulsed by sexuality in general. For example
- elderly grandfather losing inhibition as a result of dementia and masturbating openly all the time - distressing to witness and no methods of preventing it worked
- elderly uncle - always watching porn, masturbating in communal places like living rooms on family visits and at Xmas etc - no excuses for this he just doesn't care. I've tried to warn him and I've told him the neighbours could potentially see him through the window and he just doesn't care
- males around me always making sexual jokes which make me really uncomfortable
- one of my friends' sons is displaying inappropriate sexual behaviour before puberty and I find hearing about it distressing
I am long-term single for various reasons so it's not like sex features much in my life anyway, but now the prospect of it - even my own libido - just conjures up these memories and makes me feel sick. I'm disgusted by porn. I don't know how to enjoy sex anymore or how to 'fantasise' without worrying that I am a pervert. Behaviour that is essentially normal is starting to scare and unnerve me to a point where I can't even bear to see sex on TV. I never used to be this bad and I don't know how to get over it.