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Original poster

How long does your MIL stay at Christmas?

56 replies

BulldogMumma · 27/12/2024 12:59

Every year she comes on Christmas Eve and leaves on the 27th, her coming isn't an issue but she literally does nothing for the full 3 days.
For example, yesterday DP the kids and I were going for a walk, asked MIL to come, she refused.
While she's here she doesn't even make a cup of tea, offer to help with cooking, literally sits on the sofa for 3 days.
DP has told her many times to help herself to a drink or asked if she wants to help with cooking or clearing up but she refuses.
DP is about to drive her home, I can't wait to get my house back and get the hoover out.
She's a lovely woman but I hate having her to stay.
Anyone else?

OP posts:
magicalmrmistoffelees · 27/12/2024 13:00

She doesn’t, but my mum overstays her welcome.

Original poster
BulldogMumma · 27/12/2024 13:04

magicalmrmistoffelees · 27/12/2024 13:00

She doesn’t, but my mum overstays her welcome.

It's the worst isn't it

OP posts:
Original poster
BulldogMumma · 27/12/2024 13:05

I'll add DP has a brother and sister and neither of then ever offer to have her at Christmas so it's always on us

OP posts:
Bamboosockies · 27/12/2024 13:06

Mine visits before or after Christmas, as the 25th must be spent with her favourite DD. She behaves just like OP’s, but she stays a week 😭

Screamingabdabz · 27/12/2024 13:06

I wouldn’t expect her to do anything if she was my MIL - she’s a guest. Why would she help with the cooking or clean up? Is it because she’s a woman? I find it so bizarre that you would be expected to do that in someone else’s house. If it was a month, that’s different, but for 3 days, no.

BashfulClam · 27/12/2024 13:08

Nah, we sacked that and she gets picked up on Christmas morning and dropped back home at night.

fiorentina · 27/12/2024 13:08

Usually 23-27th. I find it exhausting as she says she will ‘just fit in’ with us and what we do and eat, but it’s not the case! I always feel relieved when she leaves and can relax more but try and make sure she has a nice time.

Original poster
BulldogMumma · 27/12/2024 13:09

BashfulClam · 27/12/2024 13:08

Nah, we sacked that and she gets picked up on Christmas morning and dropped back home at night.

Edited

Not an option for us as she doesn't live close by

OP posts:
Orangesinthebag · 27/12/2024 13:16

Screamingabdabz · 27/12/2024 13:06

I wouldn’t expect her to do anything if she was my MIL - she’s a guest. Why would she help with the cooking or clean up? Is it because she’s a woman? I find it so bizarre that you would be expected to do that in someone else’s house. If it was a month, that’s different, but for 3 days, no.

I agree, she's your guest! I never expected my in laws to do anything when they stayed with us.

Presumably she had years of doing everything when she had a young family etc so now just enjoys the rest at Christmas.

Original poster
BulldogMumma · 27/12/2024 13:26

@Orangesinthebag don't get me wrong I don't expect her to clean the kitchen, but things like take her plate to the kitchen when she's finished eating after everyone else or even making a cup of tea I don't think is a big ask.
Maybe it's just me and the way I was brought up, my mum is no longer with us but when she used to come she'd often come on walks or to the park with DD's and us

OP posts:
Orangesinthebag · 27/12/2024 13:32

Yeah, it's a bit odd but three days isn't long and those three days are literally over Xmas.

If she was there for a week or more I'd get it but three days of her being there doesn't seem that awful - as long as she's not rude & difficult of course

BeachRide · 27/12/2024 13:49

Is she Father Stone?

Wendolino · 27/12/2024 14:04

BeachRide · 27/12/2024 13:49

Is she Father Stone?

No, I'm fine
😂

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 27/12/2024 15:08

@BulldogMumma how far away does she live??? what does your dh say about it? are you both running around after her lazy ass or is it just you??

Original poster
BulldogMumma · 27/12/2024 15:14

@allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld she lives around 100 miles away. DP says the same as me, he does most of the running around after her to be honest. DP gets frustrated that his siblings never offer to host her

OP posts:
MintyFreshest · 27/12/2024 15:18

Mine usually come for 3-4 days. They live a long way away so I have to put up with it really.

A few years ago they suggested a NINE day visit over Xmas........ that was rejected.

I can only really tolerate people staying for a couple of days before it really starts to grate on me. My parents came Xmas day and went home today - that was enough. They both have some extremely annoying habits.

turkeyboots · 27/12/2024 15:20

DM asked to stay for the whole of the school holidays every year. And then we have our annual seasonal squabble over how long she should stay. Anything under 4 days I take as a win these days. And she does nothing to help, of course.

LostittoBostik · 27/12/2024 15:21

BulldogMumma · 27/12/2024 13:05

I'll add DP has a brother and sister and neither of then ever offer to have her at Christmas so it's always on us

Are your BIL and SIL able to host in theory? (Eg do they have enough space for her to stay?)

If so then maybe it's time to get in early and say you have other plans next year.

Orangesinthebag · 27/12/2024 15:22

MintyFreshest · 27/12/2024 15:18

Mine usually come for 3-4 days. They live a long way away so I have to put up with it really.

A few years ago they suggested a NINE day visit over Xmas........ that was rejected.

I can only really tolerate people staying for a couple of days before it really starts to grate on me. My parents came Xmas day and went home today - that was enough. They both have some extremely annoying habits.

I find my parents annoying too, less so my now ex-in laws.

But now my kids are nearly adults I can already see how I annoy them - eventually we all become the annoying older parents with our strangle, irritating little habits, it's just a matter of time!

Original poster
BulldogMumma · 27/12/2024 15:22

MintyFreshest · 27/12/2024 15:18

Mine usually come for 3-4 days. They live a long way away so I have to put up with it really.

A few years ago they suggested a NINE day visit over Xmas........ that was rejected.

I can only really tolerate people staying for a couple of days before it really starts to grate on me. My parents came Xmas day and went home today - that was enough. They both have some extremely annoying habits.

This is me, I don't do well with people staying more than a couple of days. I feel like I can't fully relax and be myself in my own home, I'm not saying that's MIL's fault.
DP is staying over with her tonight as he's going out with his friends from where she lives so will be back tomorrow and I'm so relieved to have my house back.
Before she left she said to me how she's exhausted because Christmas is tiring! I couldn't even reply I was gobsmacked

OP posts:
Original poster
BulldogMumma · 27/12/2024 15:23

@LostittoBostik yes they have a bigger house than we do. They have grown up children and can easily host but they choose not to

OP posts:
magicalmrmistoffelees · 27/12/2024 15:26

Orangesinthebag · 27/12/2024 15:22

I find my parents annoying too, less so my now ex-in laws.

But now my kids are nearly adults I can already see how I annoy them - eventually we all become the annoying older parents with our strangle, irritating little habits, it's just a matter of time!

Show quote history

Yes, we have to accept we’ll be the annoying parents/in laws one day

bouncydog · 27/12/2024 15:29

DH and I go and visit DD and her DH several times a year (they live in another country). Regardless of the length of our stay we just pitch in and help with childcare, cleaning, cooking, shopping - whatever we can. We wouldn’t dream of them waiting on us. It was the way we were brought up - if you’re a guest in someone’s home then you always offer to help - bad manners IMHO to do otherwise.

Edited to add that we also give them space - take grandchildren out or go off on our own for a couple of days - very conscious that we don’t outstay our welcome as we like to go back!

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 27/12/2024 15:45

@BulldogMumma you will just have to lie and cheat your way out of this next year!! say you are your dh are going away on holiday and she isnt invited!! let her be someone else's problem for a change!

mindutopia · 27/12/2024 15:47

My MIL usually only stays one night (23rd/24th or 26th//27th). She won’t come for more and she won’t come for Christmas because her partner doesn’t want her to (he’s an arse and not invited). I think the last time she ever had Christmas with either of her children or any grandchildren was probably a decade ago.

Anyway, that’s beside the point, but yes, it’s incredibly boring and draining and she doesn’t do anything while here. I totally don’t mind cooking for her or making tea/coffee as that’s just part of hosting. But she just doesn’t do anything with the dc (who are old enough for her to take out and do something fun with, not toddlers). She’s never taken them anywhere. Doesn’t really play with them.

She did spend 2 hours with them when she was here while Dh and I ran out, but apparently she spent the entire time reading a world atlas with youngest. 🤷🏻‍♀️ My 11 year old said to me later, that was the most boring afternoon of her life! 😩 I often just find her and dh both sitting in silence staring at their phones, not talking to each other, not interacting with dc. Like what’s the point of driving an hour to see us, bringing the bloody dog, to just sit around on your phone. Talk to the children, have fun, play, walk to the playground, play a board game, watch a film, literally anything.