How long does your MIL stay at Christmas?

[BulldogMumma]

Every year she comes on Christmas Eve and leaves on the 27th, her coming isn't an issue but she literally does nothing for the full 3 days.
For example, yesterday DP the kids and I were going for a walk, asked MIL to come, she refused.
While she's here she doesn't even make a cup of tea, offer to help with cooking, literally sits on the sofa for 3 days.
DP has told her many times to help herself to a drink or asked if she wants to help with cooking or clearing up but she refuses.
DP is about to drive her home, I can't wait to get my house back and get the hoover out.
She's a lovely woman but I hate having her to stay.
Anyone else?

Mine was due to come the weekend before Christmas for one night, I can't tolerate any more than that.
But I have ruptured my Achilles tendon so we had to cancel her 🎉🎉🎉

Op its tiring. What age is she. We dont get into overnights here. My sister same.

This. She is a guest.

This is what normal people do. Unless she physically can't, that amount of laziness is ridiculous. I'd never turn up to someone's house and not even attempt to help clear up plates for even just dinner.
What a life. Just parked up on the sofa for hours on end.

Well now she will have plenty of notice that you are not hosting anyone for Christmas next year. She can visit another time but not over Christmas so she doesn't add to your stress.

She has other children who can host, just present a united front with your Dh and she can sort herself out next year.

Both sets of parents live 1 hour from us, we always go to them rather than them come to us as it includes all the siblings.

@BulldogMumma i find the opposite - the constant offers to help when its actually not helpful and causes me more work, drives me CRAZY. eg. i'm loading the dishwasher and they'll start washing up in the sink even when i specifically say please don't start washing up i'm trying to fill the dishwasher. Or starting to dry dishes on the training board and making a pile of clean things on the counter without wiping the counter first. so my clean things aren't clean any more. and instead of being on the draining board, they're now stacked up in a sort of jenga pile that takes me twice as long to put away. I agree with @Screamingabdabz if i've invited a guest i don't want/expect them to help. If i want help with something i will ask.

Luckily my in laws aren’t like that but also k am quite assertive with in laws and my own parents. I’ll say please can you put the kettle on?
MIL it would be so helpful if you could
unload the dishwasher while I do the baby’s nappy. FIL pls take son to the park while I tidy the house. I use manners but I wouldn’t let them sit around for 3 days straight

I would expect anyone who is in my house for 3 days to muck in a bit and help clear the table, put the kettle on and so forth. I'm not running a hotel and so they are not guests.
In your situation, you don't need to lie about what you're doing next year but just say that you'll be spending it as a nuclear family. Your DH isn't responsible for his MIL's Christmas. Perhaps one of his siblings will step up. If not, there might be friends she can join or a community group. But you can have a year off and then invite her again.

It will be a week by the time H takes her home tomorrow. She similarly does nothing, and for me, a week is too long for someone not do a bit to help. I just posted on another thread about her 'liking to contribute'. This year's contribution - a pack of budget biscuits and her fridge contents, half a pint of milk, some brown bananas, out of date melon slices and half a lettuce.

I know I am straying into bitch territory here, but she also doesn't shower while here, only strip washes, despite us providing all the elderly aids, shower seat, grab handles etc. She uses a shower at home, without problem. Sitting behind her in the car yesterday, and she smells! Husband has just done her laundry for her, in the hope it mitigates.

Even my husband has had enough of waiting on her now, and she is going because he told her it was time!

My ex in-laws never wanted to visit anyone over Xmas which suited us perfectly as we politely tolerated each other during us visiting them every other time during the rest of the year.
My mum and her partner usually come to us Xmas day but that is just for dinner and they would be gone not long after, again that's fine because I can't fully relax when other people are here and you can tell they're only here to tick a box.
No way would I have relatives staying for days on end over Xmas, I value my sanity too much.

Take a leaf out of their book.
Prepare her now for next Christmas and say that it's time that one of her other kids has her to stay with them next Christmas. Even if you're not sure what you're doing for Christmas 2025, I'd be making out that you're planning on being away for it so someone else will have to step up. You've done enough.

I put it to you that they could easily host but don't not because they choose not to but because they know if they wait long enough, your DP will step up and you will be roped into hosting instead.

Time to make it a THEM problem to fix.

You do realise you can choose not to as well

@Basketballhoop it reminds me of the motherland episode where Julia's fridge has all sorts of random bits including 1/4of an onion when her mother is with her for a bit - My FIL ( who is lovely) brought over his spare bits too last Saturday - 4 slices of bread, 3 eggs, about 6 cherry tomatoes , an orange and some vitalite. He did however give me a big cash contribution as he is with us for a short while due to being between houses -

Agree. She’s a guest. It’s only 3 days and be plenty of families would give anything to have their parents or in-laws still here to annoy them. She won’t be here forever so look after her while you can.

Didn't expect so many replies!
@LookItsMeAgain yes this is exactly what his siblings do. They know DP won't want her on her own so we end up with her. His brother was meant to host her this year but cancelled on her, he then rang DP and said she'd have to come here instead.
I can't remember the poster who said about not showering but yes she doesn't even shower while here!
To the other poster asking she's late 60's and has no mobility issues and has a shower at home no problem.
I wouldn't mind her being here so much if she made a cuppa for example or offered to take dd to the park (a 10 min walk away).
DP has said we're not doing it next year, he said that last year hence why she was meant to go to his brother and we still ended up with her

I think you should stop now OP, you're actually starting to sound quite mean and unpleasant

She’s a guest, what would you expect her to do?

It would highly annoy me if a house guest would start cooking in my kitchen, make her own drinks, eat random things from the fridge etc - unless we’ve explicitly agreed that’s ok to do/ might show them where essential things are if it’s a longer stay. I’m the host, they can just sit back and relax.

If they don’t want to join every outing that’s fine, over a long stay it’s nice to get space from each other.

My ex MIL would stay 10 days at the time, I’d stay the same at her place, it was lovely.

Do you think that you will never be old and need some company and a warm welcome?

There’s nothing wrong with spoiling the elderly once in a blue moon. She’s done her time cooking cleaning and raising children and provided you with your husband!

How bitchy. You are making a lot of heavy weather over someone just sitting with you quietly, trying to enjoy the company of her family for a few days.
Your comments reflect much more badly on you as a host than they do on your MIL.

Mine gets picked up at lunchtime and dropped off after tea.

She used to get picked up first thing in the morning but present unwrapping got constantly interrupted as she took one phone call after another from all her friends and relatives - we'd all have to stop unwrapping and sit there listening to the conversation while MIL would chat away oblivious to the evil looks she was getting!

Now she gets collected just before lunch leaving her the whole morning to her phone calls.

Look, Benjamin Franklin was right: house guests are like fish; they both start to smell after 3 days.

It doesn't tend to matter too much who it is (for me) - they all start to whiff by Day 3.

Really? I wouldn't expect a guest to do anything to help if they just popped in for a cuppa or a normal lunch. But if they're visiting for Christmas and especially for 3 days, then I would definitely expect some help, unless they're not able to do so! Why should all the work of Christmas dinner fall to just me and my husband?

One of our guests provided starters, one did dessert and my BIL did the majority of the washing up. So much less stressful to share the load a little so everyone can enjoy the day.

You have the option not to host also.

Are you constantly doing stimulating activities with your 11 year old to the extent that she never has to spend a couple of hours amusing herself? Really? I would have had no sympathy if my dd had said that, and would have asked why she could not have found anything in the house to do. It was only a couple of hours.