Been completely dropped! By longstanding friendship group !

[CoralGold]

Long story short. Group of 5 of us from school mums to now. All lovely,.if not very different people. Have been friends for 18+ years and live near eachother. Friend (let's call her kim) is a laugh but super tight and very close liped about most things. Kim went for a senior role at my work (where she is my boss) without mentioning it and..fast forward 4 years of being really professional with eachother, she accused me of something and this triggered a string of events which could have been very serious, however, she was at fault and issued me with a written apology. Alongside this, my mum died, my sister had breast cancer and I had long covid to the point where I needed a stick to walk and began to not be able to socialise (I also have a young child, much younger than the other friends in the group) so admittedly, I cancelled and was nit present for a few socials. I sent a really polite and warm.message to the others explaining that due to a few issues around work etc, I wouldn't be socialising with kim in a small group but really wanted to keep in touch with others
Final straw for me.was when they all recently went on holiday together.
So...I have repeatedly offered to meet for a cuppa, send voice notes etc to others and everyone responds really politely. This year, no Xmas cards or messages.
How many tines do I offer to meet up?
Seriously stuck at what to do!

Not sure what happened there - I assumed due to friendship length l that there was a missed comma there lol. Typos!

It sounds like it became an impossible situation really. Kim made a mistake about you at work that could have been "serious" if not corrected, so bad that she had to write a written letter of apology to you. I bet if it had happened to one of the others in the group they wouldn't have wanted to socialise with Kim afterwards either. For some reason they have all sided with Kim and not you, perhaps it's because you haven't joined in with stuff recently, through no fault of your own, but Kim has (no doubt giving her version of events). I, personally, wouldn't have sent a message about not socialising with Kim, if I felt I'd had to say something then I would have explained in person just how difficult the situation with Kim was, if and when I'd bumped into the others individually when out and about. To be honest though, after everything you've been through, these don't sound like nice people if they've been so called friends for years but can just drop you like this.

I agree with previous posters regarding putting your friends in an awkward position to have to pick sides. You had a problem with Kim and you had resolved it with her having issued a written apology. That should have been the end of it really. You didn't have to go out of your way to be friendly with her, but you definitely shouldn't have brought your other friends into it. You've brought this on yourself, I'm afraid. Best to move on.

You need to assess whether this friendship group works for you now or not, with your life as it is? Are they still good company and/or offering a decent level of friendship before this happened? Or has it been very hard with your illness and issues?

If you miss the group and friendships there is only one way to solve it. Contact your closest friend in the group, and ask her to be your spokesperson. She needs to outline what has happened to the rest of the group, and suggest that they understand how hard it’s been for you. You are invited to the next group event, and be honest and open with them - if they are friends they will empathise and care.

In the meantime have a coffee with Kim 1-1, thank her for her apology and get things back on track. This is your best hope.

This is only worth doing if you really care about this group and want to mend bridges. Accept the limitations of the group (ie unlikely to offer much support) but they are good to have fun with. Groups have their ups and downs, and resolving conflicts is normal and natural.

Everyone...thanks so much. I appreciate all the advice and I think you are all right one way or another. X

Often women are busy and have less appetite for drama as they get older and will take the easier option which means the group can continue to jog along nicely. Whatever the rights and wrongs of the work scenario you brought discord to the group and are also less available due to your circumstances. So sadly can see how this happened. Might be fixed over time?