My baby's father is making my life hell

[TheOliveMoose]

I've posted about this a few times on here under different names

Long story short me & babys father split when baby was 4 months old. She is 11 months now.

Back in July/August I phoned police on babys father for harrasing me. He ended up getting charged with harrasment & stalking. He had a fine and probation. I was offered no protection.

Due to me not being offered a restraining order I continued co parenting with him. He has the baby about 3 times a week for about 6-8 hours a time.

Lately he's started to act how he acted back in July/August. Questioning me on things.(where and what I did on the weekend, Who certain men are on my friends list on facebook, if im seeing/speaking to anyone etc) Hes asking things that are nothing to do with him, or about the baby.

I've told him a few times in the last few weeks that I don't love him, don't want him, the relationship is over and done with, and I'm making it chrystal clear!

All I'm getting back is comments like "but you laughed at my joke when I dropped the baby home the other night" or "you wrote goodnight on one of your texts to me the other day".. he's really clinging on to anything that I do or say, and claiming that I do infact still want him even tho I'm TELLING him I don't.

Today I've recieved 80 messages off of him, ones declaring his love for me, ones begging me not to move on, ones telling me he's going to change etc.

I'm at a point where it's really effecting my mental health now, and once the Xmas holidays are over I'm going to book a Dr's appointment to talk about my mental health. Usually him and his noncence makes me really angry. Today I feel drained, I've broke down in tears because I really don't know what to do any more.

He also messages quite threatening things every now and then, telling me "I'll never let you move on" "you'll never have another baby with anyone else"

I'm at a point where I physically cannot co parent with this person anymore. It's breaking me.

I'm so scared that if i stopped contact with him and it did go to court I'd still get made to still co parent with him

I don't know what to do anymore I really am at rock bottom now, I'm emotionally drained, this isn't even a question I just needed to let it out

@TheOliveMoose well if you have posted about the same thing previously and have been given advice, then you obviously are not taking said advice or you wouldnt be back here again!! does he have parental responsibility? has he been to court to get all the visitation he gets? it seems an awful lot for a non husband!

He has parental rights yes

And previous advice from posters has been to block his number and only unblock on his day he had the baby

But in the time that he is blocked he's using other people's phones to contact me. His sister, mother, father's, anyone's phone he can get hands on

Just don’t read the messages and archive him. Don’t engage in the drama and come off social media.

He is harassing you again, and quite possibly breaking the terms of his probation. I'd tell him once that it stops or you'll contact the police again, if you feel safe to do so. If you're afraid to do that then simply contact the police straight away.

Then.you need to go back to the police as he is harassing you.

Is this true

Because I called police the other day because of all this, they took at look at my phone and said because I was engaging in conversation they couldn't really do anything about it

(By engaging in conversation I wrote messages to him with days and times the baby was available for him)

Stop reading his messages, delete or archive straight away and can you use a relative to arrange child contact?

The texts which are more threatening need to be logged with the police.

If the police are not being supportive in terms of an injunction - can you get a legal view?

Can you refer yourself to your local marac if your police aren't taking you seriously? And see if your idva can assist in getting you a non molestation order

Block him on all social media and any arrangements for the baby are done through a third party so you can block him on your phone. Probably worth changing your number.

Does he pay maintenance and abide by court agreed access ?

It's very hard when you have to co parent with someone because you want it to remain civil and amicable for the sake of the baby. And it's a very young baby still.

In an ideal world you'd be able to text to check how baby is doing or speak about any concerns in a balanced way. But he can't separate his feelings for you from his parental status so it's never going to work out well.

Start by coming off social media or blocking him. Then be as dull and boring (grey rock) as you possibly can be in your communication with him.

If he has parental rights and he's no danger to the child you'll be encouraged forced to let him have contact but that shouldn't mean you have to put up with this. It's harassment.

Block him contact only through email. Can you exchange child via a relative?. Keep texts as evidence stop engaging with him.

He is threatening you. Go back to the police.

Op you need to contact womens aid and a good solicitor who is informed in domestic abuse, stalking and harassment as well as family contact matters.

Keep a diary of everything he sends you. Take screenshots and create an email account you can send them to to keep a trail. The threatening messages should be taken seriously by police so I'd actually log a complaint that they haven't acted on that. Womens aid will be able to help with that.

You need to talk urgently to a solicitor because his behaviour is frightening and contact for your baby may be unsafe. I'd also make a referral to social services because he's using contact and your child to abuse you.

If you really believe that he could hurt you, womens aid can help you move and keep your location secret so he doesn't need to know where you are. I'd also keep records of every time he contacts you from other people's phones because if his friends and family are complicit then they are not safe people to supervise contact should it get to that point.

@savethatkitty Op ignore this troll. The only thing they're doing is embarrassing themselves and showing their ignorance.

Also op, I'd agree with pps who say to get a third party to facilitate contact if you're sure he won't withhold your child from you or harm them in any way. Send a notebook with your child in their nappy bag and you can each take turns to write factual updates relating to the child in it and then you can change your number and have him go through a 3rd party in an emergency to reach you. No need for you to see or deal with him at all.

@savethatkitty does it make you feel good bullying vulnerable people? You pathetic little weasel.

@TheOliveMoose sorry but I would feel uneasy handing my baby over to this man, I would seek legal advice ASAP.

I'd repoet him for harassment again and wpuldnt let him near my child anymore. He may take you to court for access but I'd fight tooth and nail not to let him get it.

That’s just awful.. blaming a woman for a man’s behaviour!
op I am worried about you. Your ex is controlling and obsessive. Contact women’s aid and the police. You need advice about baby’s contact with his Dad.. it sounds like it needs to be supervised environment ( if at all ) and you should not have contact with him.
Men your ex harm people.. please get help immediately!

Talk to women’s legal aid and see what they say.
Change your phone number and don’t give it to anyone that will pass it on to him. Let him know you will only communicate through a parenting app. Do you have anyone who will facilitate contact through? If you live near a police station you can usually do handover there.

You are aware them men often change once there is a baby. This man could have been amazing until he had a hold on her life.

My bad i am sure he was an absolute saint

Wow your a tad special arent you. Such kind behavior

OP if you're the poster of a thread a few months back who was struggling with the abusive violent ex and didn't know how to deal with him regarding co parenting and days out. There was more to it, but this was the main gist. I'm sorry for you, but not surprised you're here.

If you're not that poster, but you're clearly struggling with this idiot. Then you really have to now make a choice.

Change your number. That will stop the constant harassing calls and messages. You can call him on private only to discuss your daughter's needs.

If you're still doing days out and mixed messages stop that nonsense.

Contact women's aid or go to your local Family Justice Centre they work with women dealing with abuse. They can put you in contact with a solicitor who can help you file a restraining order. Speak to your housing officer to facilitate a move or keep you in your home, but ensure it's safe. Give you support i.e. IDVA. They will also have meetings with police if needed to flag up why they're not taking your reports seriously.

There's so many ways to have support and not deal with this type of nonsense any more. You just have to make a determined decision and stick to it. You can not allow this to be your normal any more. It will never get better, he will only get worse, why sign up for that type of nonsense.

A poster back up thread was a bit harsh, but sometimes the reality check is needed. You can only be coddled for so long. YOU have to help you to survive and get as far out of this hell that you can. People can only listen to the emotional rants and see the tears for too long. But they will go back to their lives and leave you to get on with it. I know this because I've been there.

Please, please, please find the strength and pick yourself up now and go and take it one step further to seek the help you truly need to get you and your baby out of this living hell now. Well done for going to speak to your dr but that's not really going to change anything- that's delaying what is truly needed.

Stop seeing this abusive guy as a person to keep in your life. Let him be dealt with by the law now. Let him take you to court and let them protect both you and your child with their supervised custody arrangements. You need paperwork to back up claims of abuse- to prove why supervised visits are necessary.

Forgive the essay, but I'm passionate about women not being forced to live a life of hell because an immature guy, doesn't like being told no. Get up now!